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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About my new health visitor?

258 replies

EllenandBump · 14/12/2011 19:55

I carefully explained to her today the situation. Currently my son is 18months and sleeping in a travel cot, which i am worried that he will eventually climb out of and what did she tell me, when he does, just put a mattress on the floor for him, HELLOOOOO. I then explained, it was my sisters room, and has full length glass on the wardrobe doors and bedside tables and she told me to put CLING FILM over it, like thats really going to help. Surely its dangerous to leave him to just run around in there on his own? If i had said it surely they would have been onto social services!!! I am sure she couldnt have had children of her own btw

OP posts:
cory · 14/12/2011 20:52

agree with sky: the way to sort your problems is to get your mum to put in writing that she intends to kick you out

this will feel hard for her, but it is the only way to get results

Original poster
EllenandBump · 14/12/2011 20:59

Its an old style masionette, and quite small, it was originally built for singel professionals, and the spare room is literally a box room, just about enough to get a single bed, wardrobe and chest of drawers into. I just thought, she might have some suggestions, CAB is a good idea, thank you for that, There is no where to put the double bed and mum has not long bought it for the room.

We have done all the measurements and there really is no way to get a cot in. We cant leave him in the living room, mymum has cats. so not safe to do so, or they would have to be shut out, as the kitchen only jhas a sliding door which they can push. There is no room for the doubel in the small room, it is literally tiny, not much bigger than the bathroom.

Seems like i am being awkward, i am not its the situation that is. x

OP posts:
tulipgrower · 14/12/2011 21:05

My kids (1 & 3.5y) have wardrobes with full length mirrors in their room. No problem. (And they have been hammered.) I think it would only be a problem if they started using sharp pointy objects, e.g. a pick.

We have big pillows on the floor in case one of the kids falls/jumps out. (Has happend, pillows were sufficient.)

What is the problem with bedside tables? We have them, we removed all the dangeous stuff from the drawers (medicine, nail file), and just repeatedly ensure DS2 is not dancing on them. (a bed side table is also fortunately not a huge hight in case they do fall off)

I can understand your frustration with your situation, but it has very little to do with anything your HV said. Hang in there. Smile

tulipgrower · 14/12/2011 21:12

You could put up a door hook to stop the cats opening a sliding door. (we have one which is small, but enough to stop the kids (for now))

Original poster
EllenandBump · 14/12/2011 21:12

You are probably right, it is likely all the stress of my whole situation here, not knowing if he'll want contact, my rights, housing etc. I really needed a letter to prove to the council that i needed to be in teh area as i have made a homeless application, but have got on to a specialist housing solicitor to push them into housing me. The bedside tables are made of mirrored glass, look nice but sooo not practical with a child. Nothing is in the drawers of them at all, already removed it. I am trying to hang in there. Probably right, i am just stressed... doesnt help my sisters partner (and a really good friend of mine as he has been amazing) has now got to lose 6stone, no big deal, but by august as he has to have the platinum coils in his brain renewed, because they are beginning to wear replaced, which obviously has BIG risks, ie stroke, brain damage and a 5% chance he will not wake from the anaesthetic.... ALL TOO MUCH STRESS.

OP posts:
tulipgrower · 14/12/2011 21:16

Is the double bed a single piece? If it can be dismantled, then it can be dismantled and put in pieces at the side of the room, then you can sleep on the matresses on the floor and have the cot in the same room.

maddening · 14/12/2011 21:16

you get a special film from mothercare that would hold the glass together if it were to crack.

Moominsarescary · 14/12/2011 21:21

Your mum needs to tell the council she no longer wants you stating in the house, you may have to go into a hostel though

Original poster
EllenandBump · 14/12/2011 21:22

Thank you, just didnt see cling film doing much good to be honest. Maybe it was just me. We really have looked at all viable options, its ridiculous, but hey, hopefully the council will help. xx

OP posts:
tulipgrower · 14/12/2011 21:23

Do the best with what you have, push for what you want and try to accept all the things which are out of your control. Smile

BertieBotts · 14/12/2011 21:25

Contacting Shelter is probably your best bet re housing. TBH though, with you in one bedroom, your mum in the other and your sister in the living room, the council will probably rule that you are not overcrowded. Unfortunately the definitions of overcowding are ancient and haven't been updated since 1925 or something. Living rooms and large kitchens or hallways Hmm are counted as sleeping space.

I think your best plan long term is to

Look up LHA rates in your local area (to get an idea of what kind of rent you could afford long term)
Save up a deposit/first month's rent of roughly twice this, AND look into rent deposit schemes via the local council.
Register with your council housing bidding scheme, as a backup (it's likely to take over a year for you to reach the top of the waiting list, but if you find nothing else in this time, it's something.)
Visit all the estate agents in your town to see which will even consider housing benefit clients.
Once you have your deposit saved or deposit scheme sorted, trawl local papers, shop advertisements, any local notice boards, gumtree, friday-ad, etc, and follow up every possible lead WRT finding a private rental. You will find something eventually, it just takes a while.

TheSecondComing · 14/12/2011 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
EllenandBump · 14/12/2011 21:32

I already have contacted shelter and have the housing ( i think) under control, just dont know what to do in the meantime. Struggling to save as only have 67.50 to live on per week, as i have not yet got any CB or ctc come through, though have both notified them of change in circumstances and claimed them both. I have looked up LHA, I am looking aobut 700 per month. The councilhavent even accepted me onto the housing register YET, but the specialists are trying to make them consider me as homeless, but i have been told it can take 6months if not longer and its what happens in the meantime really. x

OP posts:
maras2 · 14/12/2011 21:37

Jingle. Why shouldn't the HV. ask about OP's periods.Is it not in her remit?

Original poster
EllenandBump · 14/12/2011 21:42

Because its personal, and is already stated as controlled and no longer on medication- so why ask about that, which annoyed me but more so then go on to NOT ask about post natal depression? I am thinking of a dog WHEN I FIND MYSELF A PERMANENT PLACE TO LIVE!!!

OP posts:
Kayano · 14/12/2011 21:45

I thought HV were supposed to ask about periods, bf, contraception, all of that? Genuine question but should they or shouldn't they ask that? I would have thought it normal

Why is the dog relevant? Eh? Would you not be looking for work when you get a house op?

Sirzy · 14/12/2011 21:46

errmm its their job to ask about things including things that are "personal"

Original poster
EllenandBump · 14/12/2011 21:50

i was talking on another thread about how dogs and kids get on etc, cos of me feeling secure, i know it wont be for ages, but while i have the time to ask, i thought i would.

Not when your sons 18months old, surely? When they are new born of course, but not at 18months, my old health visitor hasnt since the second appointment. I do want to work as well. But have very little qualifications so i am going to do an open university course. A dog is really to make me feel safe after everything and as a companion and a need to go out so i dont get ill again. x

OP posts:
GlueSticksEverywhere · 14/12/2011 21:50

Mine asked whether or not I checked my DHs testicals for lumps and all sorts of other things. I didn't mind.

MeconiumHappens · 14/12/2011 21:52

YABU. Your HEALTH visitor deals with health, clues in the name ;) Housing would be the housing people. CAB would be able to advise. Sorting out furniture etc is up to you, you just have to make it work, people live in far more cramped conditions temporarily. Get the bedside tables out of the room, stick some stuff in the loft if you have one, etc.

Why would her having children be at all relevant?? You're looking at ways to find fault with her.

Sirzy · 14/12/2011 21:52

If its a new HV then I can understand her wanting to start from scratch getting to know you rather than just going off what is in notes. If anything I would say that was a very professional approach.

HeidiKat · 14/12/2011 21:56

OP I sympathise with you, you sound like you have a lot on your plate but I think you are being a bit unfair to the health visitor. She really can't do anything about your housing situation and it's not her job to sort it out for you, she has given you specific advice about things like the mirrors and cot climbing which sounds ok. I think you are being oversensitive about the period question if you have a medical condition which affects them and if you want to discuss your PND why don't you bring it up with her?

Original poster
EllenandBump · 14/12/2011 21:56

I thought they dealt with the childrens health, not mine, if i have problems with periods or other things i would go to my doctor. I saw my health visiotr when i had a throat infection, by coincidence and she said i just needed to make an appointment with the doctor so how does that work? Maybe my periods were always a sensitive point and something my own mum doesnt ask me about unless i talk to her. Maybe my old health visitor was just a really really nice good one and no one will compare to her. x

OP posts:
PeppaPigandGeorge · 14/12/2011 21:57

Several people have suggested that your mum say she is kicking you out.... this will not be the issue the Council need to look at ti decide whether they need to house you or not. What is relevant is why you became homeless from your last settled accommodation. As you are only staying with your mum as an emergency, then it depends on the relationship breakdown scenario. Basically, they will have a duty to you only if you are not intentionally homeless, according to the legal definition and not what you think.

I have to say, I cannot envisage a case where a Council would conclude you were homeless because your son's room had full length glass. Seriously?? So do several bedrooms in my house, and my kids are fine.

I think you need help, and Shelter are very good as per a previous suggestion, but I also think you need to get real.

CardyMow · 14/12/2011 21:59

FGS why are people being so hard on someone who has 1) VERY recently got out of an abusive relationship. 2) Has an 18mo baby and PND. 3) Has epilepsy.

Oh, and FYI - only 70% of people with epilepsy gain FULL control of their seizures WITH medication. Of the remaining 30%, 25% will see a reduction in either the length or frequency of their seizures, and 5% will not see any reduction in length OR frequency of their seizures.