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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About my new health visitor?

258 replies

EllenandBump · 14/12/2011 19:55

I carefully explained to her today the situation. Currently my son is 18months and sleeping in a travel cot, which i am worried that he will eventually climb out of and what did she tell me, when he does, just put a mattress on the floor for him, HELLOOOOO. I then explained, it was my sisters room, and has full length glass on the wardrobe doors and bedside tables and she told me to put CLING FILM over it, like thats really going to help. Surely its dangerous to leave him to just run around in there on his own? If i had said it surely they would have been onto social services!!! I am sure she couldnt have had children of her own btw

OP posts:
sweetsantababy · 14/12/2011 20:34

As I said HV sounds crap, properly asking you about periods because of PCOS but couldn't be arsed overlooked your other health issues.

BreeVanDerTramp · 14/12/2011 20:34

In which context did she mention your period, as this obviously seems to be one of the main concerns you have regarding her visit?

Original poster
EllenandBump · 14/12/2011 20:35

Its only a two bedroom property so i am sharing my sisters room with my son, so no he doesnt have his own room. I dont know, he is in Pyjamas now, but he manages to slip out of them. I am still trying to work it out, his vests do seem like they are stretching. They were a little bit big for him, but the other size was too small ,so what to do, you put them in something a little big. His grow bags are 12-24months, so should've been fine for him. He gets out of them without undoing any poppers either. My mum cant work out how, nor can my sister. x

OP posts:
skybluepearl · 14/12/2011 20:36

your HV ddin't mean cling film, she meant a clear adhesive layer of material that will go over the glass/mirror and prevent it from splintering dangerously if broken. if you google it, I'm sure you will find it.

my advice is for you to keep the tot in the cot for as long as pos. i moved mine out aged 2.5. If he got out of bed, I gave him a gentle/calm warning. If he got out again I put tot in his travel cot. He wanted to be in his new big boy bed so after a few nights of this he was fully trained up.

Kayano · 14/12/2011 20:37

Tbh your mum needs to write a letter saying she is kicking you two out and then take that to the council. Don't think it's up to a HV to sort out your mums house

Sirzy · 14/12/2011 20:39

3 people in a 2 bed house won't be classed as over crowded.

GrownUpBelievesInSanta · 14/12/2011 20:39

I got letters of support from my family support worker from the local children's centre, and from HVs... did you specifically ask for that? If so, perhaps another HV might be more accommodating.

nailak · 14/12/2011 20:40

So whose on the sofa? You and dd sharing doesn't sound so bad?

fuckityfuckfuckfuck · 14/12/2011 20:40

But you said you had the master room, which is your mums room, and he was in your sisters room. So which is it? Confused

Kayano · 14/12/2011 20:40

Why get it just because you ask though?? The HV stated she thought it was alright

Original poster
EllenandBump · 14/12/2011 20:41

I told her abouit my pcos and pnd, i told her my pcos was no longer an issue, but was on my notes and about my pnd, all she asked was how my periods were. I would have thought my pnd, would have been more of a concern to my sons health. If she meant a clear adhesive layer, why not say that instead of cling film?

I want him to stay in his travel cot if i can.

OP posts:
sweetsantababy · 14/12/2011 20:41

Jeez a person comes on for some support and the vultures rip them to pieces. Hmm

FannyFifer · 14/12/2011 20:42

Can you not just get rid of the furniture that has glass on it and get other stuff?

PenguinArmy · 14/12/2011 20:42

to be honest I wouldn't worry about the mirrors. It's pretty hard to break them I would have thought.

We have mirror wardrobes in our room and it's never occurred to me to worry. Could you position furniture so there isn't the opportunity for him to run up and bang into them?

Initially I assumed he was in his own room with them.

As others have said, the HV is limited into how she can help with your housing situation.

What about babygro's back to front?

EricNordmanfirandMistletoe · 14/12/2011 20:43

There is no reason she wouuld write to the housing dept about your situation. Nothing you have described sounds untenable. You. Need. To explore alternative options for your housing issues.

skybluepearl · 14/12/2011 20:43

use a cot mattress on the floor and not a bed mattress. should work space wise.

Kayano · 14/12/2011 20:43

Who has ripped who to pieces? Eh?!

Floggingmolly · 14/12/2011 20:43

You can buy glass safety film quite cheaply - in any baby shop. Mothercare, for one. Surely you would baby proof the room as a matter of course?

FabbyChic · 14/12/2011 20:43

She has a two bed property, so is there a single bed in the other room? If so move that to your room and put the double in the other room so there is sufficient room for a cot for your child.

Toddlers dont really need their own room so he is fine in with you.

JinglePosyPerkin · 14/12/2011 20:43

The mattress on the floor is to stop him hurting himself if he does fall/jump out of the cot.

Is an 18 month old likely to break mirrors? Hmm

Are you really saying that there is not one bedroom in your house that can accommodate a single bed and a small cot? That must be an oddly proportioned house. Couldn't you get rid of your double bed & thereby make room for your DS in your room? Alternatively, remove the mirrored doors from the wardrobes in the room your DS is using.

I'm very sorry but I cannot see how three adults & one baby in a three bedroom house is really overcrowding. It depends on where you live, of course, but here you would be very low priority as there are lots of families in homeless hostels who can't even get a house very quickly (I know quite a bit about it at the moment because two of my friends are currently homeless with their kids due to marriage/relationship breakdowns - both abusive). There just aren't the houses coming available at the moment. In this area, a letter from a Health Visitor really wouldn't carry any weight anyway. I know it's frustrating but you may well have quite a wait in front of you for your own place.

I do agree that your periods have sod all to do with the Health Visitor though Grin.

FannyFifer · 14/12/2011 20:44

You will not be classed as overcrowded, unless your mum throws you out and you are declared homeless, you will have pretty much zero chance of getting a house.

pantspantspants · 14/12/2011 20:46

So OP your issue is housing not HV. You seem to be projecting your annoyance about not having your own home onto HV. she asked you valid questions/observations that were in her remit and avoided becoming involved in areas that weren't.

I'm also confused who sleeps in what rooms but surely there is space somewhere for a cot, living room etc? Or maybe you, maybe without realising it, are focusing on the problems to increase your position in getting housed rather than focusing on solving them in the short term.

I lived in a tiny one bed bungalow with DD1 and DD2 but we made room. Ikea cots tend to be the smallest have you looked into getting one? I used two for DDs im sure they are roughly travel cot size.

At 18 months DD1 moved into a bed could you consider moving DC into your bed and sleep on an air bed on the floor? as long as your not the one on the sofa of course.

JinglePosyPerkin · 14/12/2011 20:47

Oh hang on, it's a two bedroom house - sorry. I thought there was your room, your mum's room & your sister's room which your DS was in.

skybluepearl · 14/12/2011 20:48

you say your mum doesn't want you there any more. a letter from your mum saying you are being thrown out and the date you will no longer have accommodation should presented to the housing deparment.

MrsDobalina · 14/12/2011 20:51

OP I sympathise with you, housing is such a nightmare. I'm not an expert but your mum writing a letter stating intention to make you homeless will have more sway to get you re-housed than a HV letter (although that might help with appropriate housing!). Do you have anyone else you could ask for a supporting letter regarding your health issues and housing needs, GP or anyone? They would need to judge if you are more vulnerable than the average person and state why to bump you up the waiting list but it's no guarantee that it will help.

Your HV advice wasn't bad - as other posters have said, just baby proof the room by removing anything remotely dangerous. Can you not put the mirror in another room? Gaffa taping would work but would look awful! The anti break glass thing is sold in Mothercare and is about a tenner. I'm sorry you've not been able to co-sleep and I can see why you're being so sensible about it. Am surprised there's no room for a little mattress, my travel cot is bigger than the normal cot (but now I know why thanks to pants and Ikea!). Your LO does sound like a Houdini. Can you sew the arm and neck holes a bit smaller or sew in an extra popper or button? It sounds like its just a bit loose so he can wriggle out of it easily. We put all the clothes and the gro bag on backwards sometimes which helps.

Good luck!