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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To punish this behaviour?

122 replies

hiddenhome · 14/12/2011 18:02

ds1 accompanied me to the shops yesterday and I picked up an apple pie for me and dh. ds1 can't have shop bought apple pie because he has a nut allergy (they always have nut warnings on) and ds2 won't eat stuff like that.

So, I bought a large packet of Maltesers so that they could share this and not feel left out when me and dh were having some coffee and apple pie.

Anyway, ds1 nicked the packet of Maltesers and ate them in his bedroom, so ds2 didn't have any. I've only just discovered this tonight.

Is this classed as stealing? I feel that it is. He's always eating extra food and I've had to put all the biscuits/sweets in the shed outside because of this. He's well fed and a bit overweight, so he's not deprived at all.

I've removed all his electronic stuff, banned all sweets/bics etc. until Christmas.

I worry that he moves onto stealing money from my purse.

He looks suitably ashamed.

Or, am I over reacting?

OP posts:
Hairytoes · 14/12/2011 18:09

Yes you are!
Maltesers can be very moreish, it is difficult to stop once the packet has been opened.

minimisschief · 14/12/2011 18:09

Tell him off is fine unless you didnt specify that the bag was to share.

However banning all his stuff until x-mas is a bit extreme tbh. Hate to think what you would do if he caused a fight or something

catpark · 14/12/2011 18:13

How old is he ?

Original poster
hiddenhome · 14/12/2011 18:14

I did specify that the bag was to share with his brother.

If he caused a fight he'd be shut in with the chickens for a week Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
hiddenhome · 14/12/2011 18:14

He's 13

OP posts:
CailinDana · 14/12/2011 18:14

I think you over reacted a bit. Did you specify that they were for sharing? How did he get hold of them in the first place? It sounds like fairly normal kid behaviour to me and he should definitely be punished but the punishment you've given seems very very harsh. Oh and if he's overweight why are you buying him sweets?

Original poster
hiddenhome · 14/12/2011 18:14

A very greedy 13 Hmm

OP posts:
CailinDana · 14/12/2011 18:15

Sorry cross posted. Seeing as he's 13 I do think what he did was pretty bad, he should know better at that age. Still the punishment was a bit over the top.

Original poster
hiddenhome · 14/12/2011 18:15

I did specify that they were for sharing and he took them out of the plastic carrier bag that I put onto the bench when I arrived home from the shops.

I buy him sweets just so that he can have a few, but they're meant to be rationed.

OP posts:
Pandemoniaa · 14/12/2011 18:17

I don't think that the greedy liberation of his brother's Maltesers warrants a punishment anywhere near as severe (and possibly unrealistic) as the one you've handed out. Can you be certain that, once school has broken up that you can keep him away from all electronic stuff? Or would want to?

And what will you do when he does something really bad? Have him transported to Van Dieman's Land?

I know that it is very wrong to eat your brother's sweets but I honestly don't think this transgression is the first step in a life of serious crime. So yes, be cross and certainly, if you plan to buy a treat again soon, don't include him. But ultimately, punishments need to fit the crime and this one was OTT.

Original poster
hiddenhome · 14/12/2011 18:17

Hmm, well, I'll let him have a bit of sugar on his porridge then.

OP posts:
lisaro · 14/12/2011 18:17

I don't think you've over reacted at all. He knew it was wrong. BUT yes, they are tempting.......

Esta3GG · 14/12/2011 18:17

Yikes.
Bit of an overreaction to think that a bit of Malteser pilfering will lead him inexorably into a life of crime!
Give the poor lad his bits and bobs back and relax a bit.
Tis the season to be jolly remember?

catpark · 14/12/2011 18:18

At 13 he should know that what he did was stealing. The fact he took them away to his room seems a bit sneaky. If he has done things like this before then taking away his electical stuff until christmas seems fine IMO. For a first offence less so.

If he is overweight then perhaps you could try limiting the amount of sweet/fatty food he has. Or don't buy them at all.

Original poster
hiddenhome · 14/12/2011 18:18

Electronic stuff is only banned until Friday evening. It was the sweets that I didn't want him to have really because the 'crime' was sweet related.

OP posts:
CailinDana · 14/12/2011 18:18

If he gets pocket money then I think a suitable punishment would be for him to go out and buy something nice to give to DS2 along with a heartfelt apology.

Original poster
hiddenhome · 14/12/2011 18:20

He is sneaky. He was keeping the change from his busfares and buying sweets with that at one point. I have to give him the exact money now. He has a track record of doing stuff like this. I give him a few sweets to keep him from stealing, but I think he's addicted to them and can't control himself. ds2 is happy with just a little bowl of stuff.

OP posts:
bigTillyMincepie · 14/12/2011 18:21

If he normally has free rein to take and eat what he wants, then you shouldn't worry too much, except that you said they were to share and he didn't share - maybe buy your other DS the same?

cory · 14/12/2011 18:21

"I buy him sweets just so that he can have a few, but they're meant to be rationed."

Does he not have control of his own money at age 13? Does he have SN? I understand about wanting to keep his weight down but at 13 he needs to help to take responsibility for that himself.

IHeartKingThistle · 14/12/2011 18:21

I'd have probably done similar, especially at 13.

Pandemoniaa · 14/12/2011 18:21

Agree with CailinDana.

Make him use his money to make up for troughing down his brother's sweets. That's probably the best deterrent of all!

Original poster
hiddenhome · 14/12/2011 18:22

He has adhd/aspergers traits Sad He can't control himself Sad

OP posts:
Pandemoniaa · 14/12/2011 18:23

Why in the name of all fucking reason do you tell us this NOW?

bigTillyMincepie · 14/12/2011 18:23

X posts.

Is he overweight? Does he eat all his well-balanced meals properly?

bigTillyMincepie · 14/12/2011 18:24

X posts again.