To think that many sahms don't consider the long-term implications when deciding to give up work? ***this is not a sahm vs wohm debate***

[wannaBe]

This is not a thread criticizing anyone or their decisions...

When I decided to give up work to bring up DS, I did so in the knowledge that for me, staying at home with my dc was the best thing. We were fortunate as well in that financially we could afford for me to stay at home.

Back then, I had in mind that we would have two children, so realistically would have at least eight years at home until the youngest started school, and even then, going back to work wouldn't necessarily be something I would consider as would want to be there for after school/holidays etc, and finding a job that fits in with the above is almost impossible.

So, fast forward nine years and the two children we'd planned to have turned out to only be one, and I've been a sahm for that long, although I have done volunteering in that time (reading/helping in school/chair of governors/PTA etc...) so haven't been sat on my arse as such (although the amount of time I've spent on mn does contradict that statement somewhat, )

Now I'm in a position where I want to go back to work. Actually, I've been in that position for about the past 1.5/2 years but due to circumstances such as moving areas etc have only just been able to start exploring the possibility seriously.

And I've come to a realization which, although I guess I knew deep down, I never contemplated until now. Even if you take the fact that there are very few jobs for far too many applicants in the current climate, the one thing that employers seem to want above anything else is experience, and current experience at that.

And if you haven't worked for a number of years then the reality is that they will take the person who has worked more recently, every time. And as employers currently have the pick of applicants (regardless of who you are) the chances of getting a job in the current climate if you've been bringing up your children for the past however many years is minimal.

So what I've basically realized is that being a sahm has made me unemployable.

I don't regret my decision for a second. You can't ever get that time with your children again and I'm glad that I had that opportunity and took it.

But in retrospect I do wonder whether I should have sought even a part time work opportunity sooner - even if it was something minimal.

And equally I realize that you can't tell someone who is just choosing to give up work to be with their children that they may find that they're unemployable ten years down the line when the kids are at school and they want to go back to work again without seeming like you're criticizing their decision/lifestyle.

When we make decisions we often do so in the here and now, not necessarily with the future in mind - not for ourselves anyway.

I think employmentwise anyone who is currently out of work for any reason has it extremely hard anyway.

The thought of never working again for the next 30 years is frankly rather depressing...

OP I think you are, sadly, essentially right about this - and the situation has been really exacerbated by this damn recession

I have long thought that there is a market for some kind of matching service where intelligent, well- qualified and motivated parents, could be matched with employers who are looking for just such employees

As an employer I would much rather emply a parent, with nous, life-skills and enthusiasm than anyone else tbh and have done so several times in the past.

Good luck OP - I hope you find something pperfect very quickly

I think generally if you are resourceful and the type of person to maintain skills, it's still possible to get back to the workplace regardless of how many years you've been out of it. There's no need to miss out on time at home with your children simply through fear of falling of the career treadmill.

I returned to work in a well-paid position after 20 years of being a SAHM with no problems. My CV had plenty of holes but I'd made contacts and upskilled during those years (different courses, hobbies and voluntary work). Nearly all of my SAHM friends have had similar experiences - I don't know any of them who have got their jobs through the traditional recruitment route, it has always been through networking. The trick is to know how to sell your skills and not to devalue the experience you've gained as a SAHM.

I think it's important to make decisions for the here and now and not worry too much about years ahead. I could be knocked down by a bus tommorow, and would like to know I was living each day the way I wanted to at that time. No body has a crystal ball to and it's always easy to critise decisions in retrospect.

I like to think being a parent has given me a wide variety of skills that differ from those learnt at school, university and my years in FT employment. Although I wouldn't expect to walk straight back into my dream job, I'm confident that I could get a job, paid or voluntary, to gain experience and use it as a step back into the working world. I know quite a few people who have overcome harder things than having been a SAHM and got back into employment.

Backtobedlam - thanks for a more positive post I was starting to feel quite down about spending 6 years as a SAHM. I do worry about getting back into the workplace after such a long gap in work history.

I have done some volunteering and some courses, but realise no where near enough experience at the moment. I am expect dc3 in a couple of months and will stay at home for the time being, as it is something that is important to me and my family.

However, I hope that I am not totally unemployable in the future.

If you had been round the world or in another career or a trophy wife, you'd be in the same boat, the recession and lack of jobs are nothing to be with being a SAHM. Who the hell knows what is going to happen in the job market in 5, 10 15 years time? Many who have stayed in jobs had had to adjust up, down and sideways. You are giving yourself such a pathetic lable 'unemployable' BOLLOCkS. You just have to adjust, retrain, go to college, whatever it takes, you nice jigsaw shape as an employee 10 years ago does not fit neatly in todays market, get over it, it's happned to may with or without kids. You do SAHM mothers a dis-service being so defeatest and not acknowledging your strengths and adaptability and umpf - come on women, less of the self pity and more action!!!

And yes I am like you, have been off the market as a SAHM for 8 years and things are grimola on the job market but I am volunteer, year 2 of Open Uni degree and have just set up and new business from home. I made my own luck, you have too.

YANBU but like all decisions choosing to stay at home is personal and will depend on many factors, your future employment prospects may not be that high on your list of priorities at that time. I had 6 years off and now have a rather fab part time local job via contacts so it can be done. [SMILE]

If I has stuck to my pre-children career I would have been made redundant by now anyway and there was no where else I could work so i would have had to have changed careers anyhow.

haven't read the whole thread but I agree op.

when i chose not to return to work after dc1 7 years ago, i never really thought much about returning to work..now my youngest is about to start school and i will have been a SAHM for 8 years. I have done volunteering etc , but i do not have a career as such to go back to. I have a degree, but knowi will have to prob retrain or get more recent qualifications... it's knowing where to start really.

I considered it and despite the financial and career foolishness of it, did what was right for us and became a largely sahm. I think I would Have regretted something either way.

If anyone is in the London area there is a website called Women Like Us (terrible name I know...) That specialises in part time or flexible professional jobs. I get their email updates and there is a wide variety of stuff on there.

It's also worth thinking out of the box a bit... Eg I have language skills and before I found the job I'm doing now I was about to start doing language teaching for preschool and primary kids (basically working as a tutor for someone else who ran a Jolie Ronde franchise). The money wasn't great but it seemed interesting and would have fitted in with the kids. There are all sorts of kids club/toddler music etc type things out there and certainly a market for it.

Also think about places you would like to work and approach them or keep an eye on their websites etc.

If anyone is in the London area there is a website called Women Like Us (terrible name I know...) That specialises in part time or flexible professional jobs. I get their email updates and there is a wide variety of stuff on there.

It's also worth thinking out of the box a bit... Eg I have language skills and before I found the job I'm doing now I was about to start doing language teaching for preschool and primary kids (basically working as a tutor for someone else who ran a Jolie Ronde franchise). The money wasn't great but it seemed interesting and would have fitted in with the kids. There are all sorts of kids club/toddler music etc type things out there and certainly a market for it.

Also think about places you would like to work and approach them or keep an eye on their websites etc.

I have been a SAHM for 8 years now and am on the brink of trying to return to work. I will complete a MSc in April, that I started with the OU in 2007 with a view to a career industry change. I am worried about how difficult it will be to get back into work but I really want to for my own sake. I was glad to give up work at the time (PR) and had foolishly subscribed to the rural idyll fantasy life style - what I didn't realise was (unlike my mother) how boring and un-fulfilling I would find it. However, it was my choice. But I thought it would be worth sharing a couple of stories...

My SIL - SAHM for 10 years, no education really (couple of CSE's) recently went on a course to train to become a TA and has recently started her first part time job in the pre school dept whilst she continues her training and furthers her education.

Local friend - SAHM for 7 years, was battered wife, on benefits, single with 3 kids, did OU BA then OU Masters (admittedly her parents paid for this - not an option for everyone but probably not really relevant to the job she got anyway) worked for a year part time at the CAB (which I think improved her confidence - and gave her contacts and a good reference) started back to a part time job a few months ago with the council (great family friendly perks) working in a role related to her experience with women's shelters.

The fact that I have seen these two recently has helped me realise that yes it will be difficult but that it can be done.

Stuffed, I would imagine the op has a degree already from what she has said. Wannabe, wrt your comment about a receuitmnent form, would there be any market for a company specializing in adaptations advice and recommending products? Web based so no premises. No idea if you'd have knowledge or skills for that but just a thought

Part time work is the way foward imo before the kids go to school. When all the kids are in school I think it is nuts personally not to work but I am preparing for a flaming! I would go bonkers sitting in starbucks and doing yoga indoors cleaning all day!

hard hat on. (bit tongue in cheek btw!)

I am lucky I think as I worked in a fairly niche area with lots of voluntary ways to keep my hand in. I think the public sector or professions are very hard to keep in touch with, they are quite closed. Tertiary sector is much easier as they rely so much on volunteers/freelance/short contracts. Also a lot based on contacts, which one can work at maintaining whilst on leave.

I gave up a couple of years ago. I just figure it will work out in the future. I know that sounds very laid back, but I have been a total dropout/career changer a couple of times and I've always managed to find something.

I've got some ideas for self-employment and I think I'll be able to get back in to my old work - maybe a lower level but still ok. Maybe I'm naive!

What an interesting read. I'm (maybe was!) desperate to be a SAHM. I find my job quite stressful and would love to do all the activities/crafts/baking my CM & PIL do with DD. We're planning to move to a more rural area and have an idylic life

I guess, reading this post, I've realised that I do at least have an income although probably not enough to keep our house & pay all the bills but, something at least should DH die/do a runner! I also have a pension.

When DD was born I had 9mo off work and was able to return on 3 days/week for 6mo. After that I upped to 4 days/week. The job was actually pretty cushy and also enabled me to have a day with DD too. I was probably a bit silly to go for (and get) a promotion that sees us with more money but I now work FT (5 days/week). I miss DD but we're better off and at least bring home a smidge more than our outgoings. My cunning plan is/was to work now while DD is little (she's 2.3) and then to stop work (possibly now try to relocate to a PT role) when DD starts school.

The tricky thing is that DH has his own successful business and this often means he's working crazy hours. He also does lots of the pickups & dropping off of DD at the CM as he doesn't have a boss to ask!! I was hoping that being a SAHM would ease that pressure, especially when DD is ill and to be around for the school holidays.

It's been an eye-opener to hear all the stories and thanks for everyone's honesty. I hope I can now make a more informed decision when the time comes.

YANBU I am back at work part time and my wages barely cover the nursery/commuting - (if I buy a latte in the morning I'm out of pocket for the day!). However when DC go to school things will get easier and I will still have my (reasonably good) job + pension.

bejeezus very sad I wonder how sad all your children would be to read this thread

Worst mistake I made being a sham how very sad

There are lots of jobs you can do working form home you could have worked doing a night shift but hay blame your laziness on being a sham if you want

nice

interesting thread

Maypole eh?

Think you may have me confused with someone else

I've never been a SAHM

This is such an Interesting thread and doesn't descend into the usual polarised entrenched positions.
One aspect I find really interesting is how even where women feel they have no choice about working, they can often see the upsides. Having the benefit of hindsight, Many of us with older children can see first hand that having worked as not impacted negatively on them at all, and we can also see the longer term benefits of what might have been a 'forced' decision in the first place.

Tbh if I'd had the choice financially, I might have been tempted to not return to work' after dc1. Not that I didn't enjoy my work- far from it- but simply because feeding the baby at 5.30 am before doing the childminder drop, then working all day and expressing milk, plus coming home to all the usual chores, was very demanding, and id have been daft if I sometimes hadn't been tempted by the easier option of not working. However, before long I could really see the benefits of working, and indeed by dc2 I was working even though childcare ate up all my earning. And certainly 17 years down the line I am very glad ive always kept a foot in the workplace.

I think it's very reassuring to hear from.

Oops! ... Reassuring to hear from women who have made tough choices, or even haven't had choices, but have seen how life often turns out differently to how you expect. Often if we could look into the future, we would make different decisions to ones we might make in the short term. Fascinating thread.

Great thread. I think this is one of those unspoken secrets that young women are not told, like the one about quite how painful giving birth will be.

So many women wander into long periods out of the workplace, thinking "I'll start again when DCs start school" and no one tells them (or our pregnancy/breastfeeding induced mental state stops us hearing..?) that this is a BAD idea. Of course if you really want tomb a SAHM that is your choice, but it is a bad idea if done with a belief in the myths that let you believe it will be easy to get back to your career. Myths like childcare is easy for school age children, like school hours jobs exist, like your experience will count for anything after 5 years. Also the mortgage thing - if you take out a mortgage linked to DH's wage and at the same time move out to the suburbs for more space/better schools your chance of getting back to workwill be reduced to about zero, because of the commute.

I have had periods of not working, PT, FT and WFH self employment....as has DH. It constantly surprises me how many families end up
falling into a 1950s working pattern, and how few even consider that both dad and mum should take a partial hit to their career by taking time off/going PT, while sustaining it for the long term.