To think that many sahms don't consider the long-term implications when deciding to give up work? ***this is not a sahm vs wohm debate***

[wannaBe]

This is not a thread criticizing anyone or their decisions...

When I decided to give up work to bring up DS, I did so in the knowledge that for me, staying at home with my dc was the best thing. We were fortunate as well in that financially we could afford for me to stay at home.

Back then, I had in mind that we would have two children, so realistically would have at least eight years at home until the youngest started school, and even then, going back to work wouldn't necessarily be something I would consider as would want to be there for after school/holidays etc, and finding a job that fits in with the above is almost impossible.

So, fast forward nine years and the two children we'd planned to have turned out to only be one, and I've been a sahm for that long, although I have done volunteering in that time (reading/helping in school/chair of governors/PTA etc...) so haven't been sat on my arse as such (although the amount of time I've spent on mn does contradict that statement somewhat, )

Now I'm in a position where I want to go back to work. Actually, I've been in that position for about the past 1.5/2 years but due to circumstances such as moving areas etc have only just been able to start exploring the possibility seriously.

And I've come to a realization which, although I guess I knew deep down, I never contemplated until now. Even if you take the fact that there are very few jobs for far too many applicants in the current climate, the one thing that employers seem to want above anything else is experience, and current experience at that.

And if you haven't worked for a number of years then the reality is that they will take the person who has worked more recently, every time. And as employers currently have the pick of applicants (regardless of who you are) the chances of getting a job in the current climate if you've been bringing up your children for the past however many years is minimal.

So what I've basically realized is that being a sahm has made me unemployable.

I don't regret my decision for a second. You can't ever get that time with your children again and I'm glad that I had that opportunity and took it.

But in retrospect I do wonder whether I should have sought even a part time work opportunity sooner - even if it was something minimal.

And equally I realize that you can't tell someone who is just choosing to give up work to be with their children that they may find that they're unemployable ten years down the line when the kids are at school and they want to go back to work again without seeming like you're criticizing their decision/lifestyle.

When we make decisions we often do so in the here and now, not necessarily with the future in mind - not for ourselves anyway.

I think employmentwise anyone who is currently out of work for any reason has it extremely hard anyway.

The thought of never working again for the next 30 years is frankly rather depressing...

....and with more and more library cuts that possibility will dwindle even further

Businesses need to change their policies to allow more job sharing of full time posts and more part-time ones. Families can not win these days as family friendly hours are a pipe dream for the vast majority.

I agree AF. It isn't that I am not educated or didn't understand what could happen, it's just that I never thought it would happen to me.

I gave up work in 2000 to care for my seriously disabled child. I had a job which needed my brain but I was chronically sleep deprived and gave up the job before my standards dropped. Also my son and daughter needed me. I was earning 3 times my ex but there was no way he would consider not working full time! We divorced 2 years later. Since 2000 I have completed another degree. I was hoping to change direction unfortunately this is in a field that is now heavily over subscribed by new graduates . Once the sleep deprivation was sorted I combined studying with bouts of voluntary work and a 1 day a week job. When my son turns 18 in 2 years time my financial situation will take a further massive dive. I have to find work. I am 50, still caring for a disabled child , still paying a mortage and by the time I get to my increased retirement age all my savings will have long gone. I thought my best chance was in the public sector but they are not recruiting. I am not giving up, some lucky employer will one day see the intelligence, resilience and experience I have to offer. I am considering anything except starting up a business. I need to get out of the house.
So my advice to others who are considering being a SAHM or full time CARER -DON'T DO IT -unless you absolutely have to. Do not rely on your partner to provide for you. If you leave a job now in the current recession you will find it very, very, very hard to get back into full time paid employment. If you can try to negotiate part time work in the same job.

Anyone out there over 50 who has managed to find paid employment can you let me know how you succeeded?

TFAM nobody ever does

and that goes for anybody's H shagging the secretary, turning into a complete cock who fucks you over (it happens), being made redundant, getting ill, being a victim of job cuts, being knackered by the recession (personal experience here) etc etc etc

hang on to your own earning potential, any way you can

You have a point. I've been a SAHM for 10 yrs now and although I do enjoy it and not desperate to get back to work I do wonder when I'll do something else and what will be open to me. The financial side is worrying as well. We are lucky to be very comfortable but if It all went pear shaped with my husband who knows what position I could find myself. Hopefully after the NY I'll look at some voluntary work and give that a go. I feel lucky compared to my friends who had to go back to work straightaway to pay the bills and are very stressed, tired etc but they are in a better position if it all went wrong.

I think it should be made into law that if a job can be done part time by job sharers then employers should be obligated to advertise that fact.

YANBU.

Yanbu.
I returned part time after a 3 month maternity leave with dc 1 and 6 months with dc2 . It was physically quite tough, and also very expensive as this was before the days of subsidised childcare so for a couple of years my earnings were wiped out by childcare bills.

However in retrospect I was the best decision I could have made. I was able to increase up to full time again when youngest dc turned 4, and have since had a couple of promotions. I've seen friends of mine who were out of the workplace for years, really struggle to get back in to work, and often they end up in much lower paid menial work so spend a long
time being underemployed.

And as for pensions- well, its estimated that a frightening number of women have not set themselves up adequately with pension provision. I know quite a few women who really don't have a clue and assume that their husbands pension will a) be adequate for two pensioners to live on comfortably and b) just carry on being paid to them in full in the event of their husband dying first.
I think its one of those things women generally aren't good at thinking about, and many of them bury their heads in' the sand and assume they'll somehow be ok.

I hope things turn out well for you o

Oh God if I had a quid for every time I have to tell women that they will only get a half of their DH's pension if he dies...

Posted too soon! Hope things turn out well op. It's a tough climate out there right now but hopefully things will ease in the future

Wordfactory- a half depends on the terms of the pension anyway

Sure, my Mum's turned out to be two thirds...but the majority are one half.

As my grandmother always said, and still does: Do not rely on anyone for money but yourself.

I have been a sahm for 5 1/2 years and just found a part time job locally in marketing. It fell in my lap as I wasn't really looking, it was through a friend etc. I am very lucky. My dh does not want me to go back as we have 3 children and juggling everything will be very hard. However, I know that if I don't go back now I probably won't get back in at all. Even though my youngest is 4 and only just started school, so really I would like to wait another 2 years, I am not giving up on this opportunity. Scary really.

"nativitywreck thats really not good advice.

Yes you can lie on an application, but it will become glaringly obvious if you get to interview and can't answer the questions to the same level as someone who has genuinely got the experience can do. Also, the last person we found had lied, we sacked immediately. Just saying."

Well obviously I am not suggesting applying to be a doctor when actually your experience lies more in catering.
All I mean is, say you have had a good admin job in the past, but it was 6 years ago...You will know how to do the job.
If you don't fabricate a little sometimes,maybe just by fudging the dates, you just won't get an interview.

No, that is seriously poor advice. Dates are dead easy to check, and once you've proved yourself unreliable in your application then you're really not going to stand much of a Chance.

Also processes and systems DO change, sometimes quite rapidly.

Honestly if you're considering fabricating stuff to try to get a job its probably a sign you've been out of the workplace long enough to be seriously out of touch

I have had my own business since I was 21. I was back to work six days after DD was born and three weeks after DS was born. Had I not maintained my work I would have been totally fucked when h suddenly died, leaving a financial mess and no insurance.

Its always been hard juggling kids and work but I always saw work as my own little 'insurance policy' which in light of what happened helped me to keep our property and the DCs schooling stable (private) in the aftermath of Hs death.

I gave up my career 5 years ago as a Solicitor - it was the right decision at that time - I have walked back into a job on a part time basis as my employer is very family friendly - has no issue with part timers and said that I would soon remember everything and not to worry.

This is rare though and I have taken a pay cut to get my CV looking better.

It is a tough decision - I think if you want to return to work in the future dont have too long off work

Tis is exactly why I have continued to work part time for 22 years since having DD1,despite not needing to financially.
Have gradually reduced hours (nursing) to one day per week which suits me fine.
No promotion,still at ward level but enjoy hands on stuff,have accrued pension,great friends made over the years,etc etc.

callmemrs I have fabricated jobs in the past, simply to get a job (and I am not talking top level jobs here, just office jobs) that I knew I wouldn't get with the experience I had.

I had to do this as the career I had pre-ds was totally un-doable as a single parent of a baby.
I had had office jobs, but a long time in the past, and when I tried applying for affice stuff, thru agencies and direct, I got nowhere.
No interview, nothing.
The feedback was always "you don't have enough recent experience".

So, I asked my friend who runs her own company to give me a reference, and got a job almost immediately, because I was intelligent, could do the fairly lowly admin stuff, and what I couldn't do I learned on my own at home.
Online tutorials are a wonderful thing.

Made redundant in March, so no, it's not been that long for me to be "seriously out of touch" yet.

'I would never, ever consider placing my future financial stability in the hands of a man' - absolutely!

Dh and I were young parents - I was 21 when dd1 was born and finishing my degree. I was at home with her for just over a year whilst dh worked full time. Then I got an evening job. It wasn't very exciting but it gave us extra cash and it gave me customer service skills. Then I had dd2 and also had a year or so off before getting another, better part time job. During this time I had a friend (still have) whose husband left her, quite suddenly with 4 young children. She has spent very little time working, had no degree. She was totally and utterly stuffed and it took a long time and a lot of family help to get on an even keel. It was a crystal clear illustration of how vulnerable women can be and when my girls are a little older it's something I will be talking about with them in grim detail. NO matter how lovely your dh is (mine is great and generous and capable), no matter how entrancing your babies are (mine are delightful even now the oldest is nearly 14), no matter how grim the world of work is (I workd in the NHS!) you always, always hold on to enough skills that you can get out there and earn your own way if you have to.

I'd love to work but it would create great stress to our family life if I did, DH would not have as much flexibility in his very demanding career not to mention the huge cost of wraparound care for three children (our school finishes at 2:30pm). As it stands, DH has quadrupled my old salary in his current job so we're comfortable but I do worry about the future and I recognize that this puts me in a precarious position if anything were ever to happen to DH. I too have advised my daughter not to be a a full-time SAHM. Most days I love it and there are some great perks (8 hours sleep and exercise are really, really, really important for my mental health) and I'm happy that I was able to be at home with them while they were little BUT it does create a lot of mental discord, I think. There are an equal number of days where I feel I've been naive and wonder whether I'll ever be employable again . It's a gilded cage situation in many ways.

I've been taking a couple of courses with an eye toward getting another degree but I can't even work out the logistics of trying to manage that plus children, house, pets and studying without impacting our bread and butter (DH often works very late and goes into the office obscenely early).

Many days I feel cross too that there is this great pressure on women to work outside of the home. There is more than enough to do in our household without adding that to the equation...in fact I often feel frazzled after I've picked them up from school and lament the many things that still haven't been done!