to ask... what do SAHMs do all day?

[PoppyAmex]

I'm pregnant with my first child and was recently speaking to a friend about SAHMs and I mentioned I've been reading so many threads here about how some feel their work at home isn't valued by husbands / partners / people in general.

Following up on this conversation, my friend (a mum of 3) sent me the text below and I thought I'd share as I found it amusing. Maybe a good strategy for women complaining about the same problem?

"A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?' She again smiled and answered, 'You know how every day when you come home from work you ask me what in the world I do all day?' 'Yes,' was his incredulous reply. She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.'"

helpmabob as I said it depends on what paid employments you have done before to whether you think sahm is easy or hard. Thats my point

I am part sahm part wohm. (hours vary maybe average 14 hours wohm). 3 dc are school age and I pretty much do all of the household stuff. Dh barely does anything at all except cook the odd meal or occassionally put dc to bed.
However, according to some I must spend all day watching Jeremy Kyle as parenting appears to end when dc are at school.
These threads really annoy me as people do what is right for their families. No one knows what challenges others have. Personally I would love to devote more time to work but knowing how little gets done when I am at work I am reluctant to do so.
Incidently I though dh would help more round the house as he ran a home before we got together.

Yes but her job was incredibly hard and demanding as was mine. IMO the ease or not of being a sahm depends on the needs of your particular kids and a host of other factors. I don't think it depends on what you did for work.

Well, I was a SAHM for 8 years. For the first year I recovered from breast feeding related PND and learnt how to look after a chronically asthmatic small child who didn't turn the corner until he was about 15 months old. The second year I dealt with a miscarriage and a birth at 27 weeks and tried to recover from the death of ds2. The third/fourth year I was pg very worriedly with dd. The fourth year I had a three and a half year old and a small baby and was busy breastfeeding, sorting out nursery runs and looking after a home. That of course was inbetween the odd coffee and walk out - it was utter bliss. The Fifth Year ds started school. The sixth year dd was at nursery and life was a whirlwind of pickups, as was the seventh year when ds was also doing more after school activities. The eight year dd started school and I got bored and found a job.

In between all the angst and all the pick-ups, I did the laundry, the shopping, the cooking, the tidying, taught them their letters and numbers, spents hours and hours in the park, did a C&G course, met lovely other mummies, ran Sunday School, organised an after school club, became chair of the PTA and treasurer of local charitable organisation.

Almostfifty- I think you'll find the children come first for all parents

I had 1 years maternity leave with my first boy and found it quite hard. He was a very physical baby/toddler and was constantly burrowing round in drawers, cruising where he shouldn't, banging his head, grabbing things off shelves when we went shopping. I found the thinking what to do all day quite hard. It was a relief to go back to work for 3 days a week. Once I'd dropped him off at nursery I drove to work with the radio on, arrived and made myself a coffee, drank it unhindered by sticky hands trying to grab it. Quietly and calmly went through emails and went through my things to do list. Had a nice lunch from the canteen with my colleagues. What is not to like? If your children are at school being a SAHM is a doddle surely but when they are small lay off the SAHMs and admit that a lot of women return to work through choice as it is hard work.

I suppose I just think that helpmabob as I work with children and have my own at work with me, as do my colleagues so being at home with 30% of the work is a complete doss about.

PoppyAmex - if your DH ever has the temerity to ask 'what have you done all day' all you need to do is smile sweetly and suggest he tries it for a week.

He'll never ask again. I am a SAHD and tomorrow my day will be:

Take DCs to school, clean house top to bottom, cook lunch, buy the Xmas presents (do you know where I can get cricket nets in December?), pick up DCs from school, cook their tea.

To think I once had a 'proper' job.

Molly3478, sorry but if you think looking after 1-2 under-3s is easy, I would not trust you as a childminder. You'd obviously be neglecting them as the vast majority of the time at that age is spent trying to stop them killing themselves (once mobile, i.e. maternity leave is finished, but pre-common-sense about traffic, climbing, etc.) Unless you keep them in a cage indoors, you would need ot watch them constantly and intervene at least once every 2 minutes in order for them not to be in serious danger. Maybe you just sit them in front of the telly in a childproofed room, as a childminder, but actually most SAHMs take their children out and/or need to do housework with them around. The idea that childcare is easy is why so many kids are starting school with inadequate language skills, because the carers don't interact with them properly. This is a documented problem in many schools in the UK. A childminder who isn't exhausted at the end of a day of caring for toddlers is a rubbish childminder (likewise a SAHP).

I've been both and I have been judged for working and staying home.

I actually found being a sahm much harder despite expecting it to be a walk in the park.

I get up, see DD2 off to school, then I go back to bed.

When I wake up, I watch daytime tv in my pyjamas and Mumsnet. I aim to be showered and dressed before DD2 gets home. Most days I manage that.

Maybe you just parent in a superior way. I have to say in rl I have never met anyone who considers is a doss. You and your colleagues should write a book so the rest of us can learn how to just kick back and put our feet up.

I have done both - best sahm with baby now back FT with a toddler.

Worked 50+ hours last week.

I love getting an uninterrupted hot drink at work though.

I only stayed at home when I was on maternity leave (about 11 months). My house was sparkling and dinner was more interesting than the grub I prepare now. i watched a fair amount of crap on TV too.
After a while, i started to feel a bit depressed doing the same stuff every day and could not wait to go back to work. I guess I did not find being SAHM challenging (I had the best baby ever). I suppose I am pretty active and need a very active life to feel stimulated.

I think the tiredness thing is key, we had two years where we were both working full time and it was hell. Dd was pushed from pillar to post, the house was a tip and we were permanently stressed and knackered.

We decided that dp would work school hours only during term time and we are all much better off for it. I know that as a family we couldn't function if we both worked full time . Our house is tidy, clothes washed, ironed and hanging in wardrobes, fresh meals every day, we can care for the animals we have, dp never misses a show, he often goes into school to help out and dd can do all her activities after school with dp to watch . We get the weekends together as a family. Importantly dd only has one frazzled parent rather than two.
During the holidays I take over at home and dp can either enjoy time with us or take on extra work.

I am in complete awe of families who have two full time working parents. Even more do of single parents who work full time.

Yes I am really inactive and so needed to be a sahm so I could indulge my lazy side

I think its easy as I am used to dealig with lots of children and was when I shad my own. Of course i watch them constantly and intervene and do constant activities. However I think you dont find that as hard if you are used to doing it with lots and then you just have your own to look after. Its obviously going to be way easier the less you have.Its the same for SAHMS who have lots of children, thats just common sense.

I dont do childcare in the home and OFSTED dont allow children to watch tv. I am exhasted the end of the day after work but when at home its just like the weekend, a rest as i am used to working much harder iyswim

Thats to say when I am at home with my own it is easy sorry.

Yes I feared that what I wrote would come out wrong, I am so sorry if I offended anyone, my comment about being active was not directed at SAHM in general but rather on my own personal experience and what I made of it.

While I was a SAHM (for nearly 7 years, until DD started school) I looked after my children - played with them, talked to them, fed them, exercised them, socialised them, taught them manners, right from wrong, how to share fairly and less critical things like how to read.

On the way, I organised 2 international and 4 other house moves, renovated and redecorated 2 houses, created 2 gardens, had a part-time job for a bit, chose a new career, chaired the pre-school committee and the playgroup commnittee and kicked off the planning for a new pre-school building, helped out at school, hallucinated due to lack of sleep, allergy-tested a child from first principles (medical supervision not being available), ran the family finances, created a new social life for myself after every move, home educated my son for several months, and did a few loads of washing along the way.

Definitely idle.

Ok I am just getting defensive with a lot of the crap on here but I get you are talking about your own experience

I found being a SAHM liberating in that I too had a lovely easy baby, although my baby did not sleep through for a long time. As a SAHM I'd go on short breaks, travel around London to different museums, parks make myself have really amazing days out. I miss the freedom of it. But I did sometimes feel excluded by not working. And the money run out and I was worried about the impact on my career.

I find it hard balancing work and home, and I find nursery fees really expensive but I like earning money.

I miss my little one massively and could not find part time work, so am working FT. I find it hard doing house work and working FT.

I hate the divide that is created between women due to their working status.

I think I just get it when I hear mums at work say oh you dont know how hard it is looking after my daughter/son at home as your working, when they only have 1 and they dont know what I do for a job. I just think god if only you knew how hard it is to bring up your children and carry on your job at the same time. Effectively bringing up your own and everyone elses children all at the same time. I just smile at them though!

One thing I noticed when I stated working evenings, weekends, nights was that DP became much more involved in housework/ kids because he has to be and they will look for him for comfort as often as they do me. IN quite like modelling that way of living for my girls - I hope they will have similar expectations of their future partners.

Now they are older I wish I had never worked when they were pre-school. Tis such a mental but amazing time.