to ask... what do SAHMs do all day?

[PoppyAmex]

I'm pregnant with my first child and was recently speaking to a friend about SAHMs and I mentioned I've been reading so many threads here about how some feel their work at home isn't valued by husbands / partners / people in general.

Following up on this conversation, my friend (a mum of 3) sent me the text below and I thought I'd share as I found it amusing. Maybe a good strategy for women complaining about the same problem?

"A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?' She again smiled and answered, 'You know how every day when you come home from work you ask me what in the world I do all day?' 'Yes,' was his incredulous reply. She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.'"

For all on this thread who are exhausted...

BEDTIME!

Except for the people in different time zones, you can stay up, as long as you behave

I have 3 kids (one boy at school) and am a SAHM (mostly). Recently I kept an hour by hour diary for three days - I never realised just how much i packed into each hour. I love being a SAHM but I don't do that much staying at home really. Once the jobs are done, we are off doing lots of exciting things.

When you have PND then every second is a struggle as a SAHM. Without it things would be much more pleasant. I've found it more physical than work work, even though I had always thought SAHMs (with children not yet at school) were slackers. Ah ha ha, the naivety.

callmemrs I have never, ever put anyone else's choices down! What people choose to do is up to them. I know I am very lucky in that my husband earns enough for us to only need one of us to work. I know not many these days have that choice. And if I wanted to work, then I know I would, and that my husband would be very happy for me to do so, as much as he is happy that I'm at home, as his prime concern is that I am happy in the choices we've made together as a couple.

As to putting their work first, yes, I have seen it happen and I'm very glad it wouldn't happen in my life.

Right, I'm off to bed!

I love being a sahm. But it is not about whether we have an easy time or not it is about the fact that it is better for children if their Mum stays at home when they are babies up until they go to school. When they are at school it is also better for them to have their Mum at the school gates to pick them up rather than a childminder. I know many women have to work but I never understand the ones who choose to work rather than be at home with their children. DH and I don't have a lot of money but I would rather be at home with my dd than do anything else.

'You've seen it happen' almostfifty... I think you're spending too much time Worrying about other peoples lives!

chocablock, I'm a SAHM and I have to say, it is not a 'fact' that it is 'better' for children if their mothers SAHM. Not a fact at all.

Who says it's better for the children chocablock? You?!!!

Cautiously dipping toe in this thread:

I have always been more than a mother but I don't need to have a paid job to prove it.

Hear, Hear! It has taken me 3.5 years as a WOHM and another 3.5 years as a SAHM to realise this, and it is a valuable lesson.

Well said jellybeans! I am certainly of the same mindset as you! Work 4 lunchtimes as a mid-day assistant and on the other day visit elderly parents. I will admit though that my hubby cooks far more than me as he is a better cook and enjoys it but otherwise looking after my home and my family is my priority and makes us all happy! I'm 48 and worked 20 solid years before having kids then part-time, role reversal for a year with husband and have now reached the point where we are happy. SAHM are not lazy.

The contentious issue of SAHM vs. WOHM just goes on and on and there will never be any agreement as one size does not fit all. I'm back at work 3 days a week after 12 months maternity leave - it works perfectly for us as our dd only has one day each week with a childminder; she's with dh and grandparents on the other 2 days. She loves the childminder and contact with other children so she's perfectly happy. I enjoyed my job pre baby and am enjoying it since I went back; however work will never ever be more important than dd. It's important for me to work though and I'm sure that I appreciate my time at home with dd more than if I were at home full time, but that's just me.

I am a worknig mum who used to be a stay at home mum.... Wish I was still at home with my kids, funily enough I actually enjoy them (not in an anoying, organic, home schooling kind of way), had the luxury of time with them...park, swimming, baby clubs, painting, chatting, not shouting, rushing, hurrying..... Now I have to go to work and do it with other peoples children.

On ballance though, a bit of both works well. I have spent years and thousands of pounds drinking training, would it not be a bit daft to just give it all up. V jealous of some friend who married well don't have to go back for financial reasons...and peerhaps the husbands should be apreciated for suporting you to stay at home (obviously didn't apretiate mine before he was made redundant and we had to swap!)

Grass is always greener i wreckon!!!

God sorry just read that back...could there be any more spelling mistakes....

'I couldnt just be a mum, Im not knocking those who can, I wanted to be more than just someone who pushed a push chair.'

But I am totally content with being a SAHM as many women are. It took an initial adjustment but then I realised and 'saw through' other things in life such as work being often overrated etc. and materialism being the aim of many people. How does being an employee make you something better? Maybe it isn't a better deal for many women?

'. Effectively bringing up your own and everyone elses children all at the same time. I just smile at them though!'

But many can only do that as they have help raising their own child? (You described yourself as bringing up other people's children) You cannot physically do it all at once unless you are a child carer... A woman I know once smugly said she was proud of herself 'doing it all'. I just smiled and nodded but secretly thought how could she believe that as her mother was doing half of it for her! (Had her child all week 7-6 and some of weekends).

What a shame 'we' mothers feel the need to 'pull' each other apart...one woman's unreasonable is another woman's norm..

example:

SAHM - has 3 children, gets up at 6 (when her youngest wakes up) makes breakfast, helps children into clothes, brushing teeth etc, does the school run, gets home, puts washing in, does dishes, hoovers, shops for fresh fruit and veg, prepares dinner, picks up little one from pre-school, goes home and makes lunch, gets little one ready to go after lunch, goes to library to take back over due books, calls in on granny to make sure she's ok, granny not well so calls doctor, appointment at 1600, has to arrange for friends to pick up other children, worried about granny......and breath,,,time for round 2!

And now a working mother me

Wakes up at stupid o clock scared in case the alarm clock doesn't go off...lies pondering for an hour or so

stomps about so that

No-one would think to quiz a nanny or nursery-worker about what they do all day, so why SAHMs? Equally no-one would throw all this crap at someone who was being paid to take care of a child.

It's all about the money. Some people think you are only contributing to society if you receive money for your endeavours.

jellybeans - Oh I know you cant do both unless your a chlldcarer but if your a childcarer you do double the work was my point. It just gets my back up when people say it to me/my colleagues as you think imagine having theluxury of just one or two to think about! I suppose they are not to know.

Can we just knock on the head that old chestnut about 'bringing up our own children'?
We ALL bring up our own children, those of us who work and those who don't. The parents play the central most influential role in their childrens lives. After all, no one says that 'someone else is raising their kids' once they reach school age!

Tbh, women having careers, and children attending childcare have been around long enough that I think we'd notice if there was a big difference in outcomes for children of working / non working parents. There isn't. So- while my teenagers (and tens of thousands of other teens and adult children) of working parents are happy, successful and emotionally in tune, it's completely daft for anyone to claim, as chockablock does, that it's a "fact" that it's better for a mother to be at home until her children go to school and then to be at the school gate every day!

I work, and I have never tried to claim it is 'better' for my children. Neither would I claim that being home is 'better'. The benefits of working are to do with me- I am happier and more fulfilled. And while we're on the subject- that doesn't mean I'd be desperately un happy at home. I enjoyed my maternity leave, enjoyed my days at home when I used to work part time- its just that on balance I enjoy having a home life and a work life too. Perhaps people just need to be more honest -'if you stay at home it's probably because you enjoy it, not because it will make your children any 'better'!

I think if you use childcare of course they have a massive part in bringing up your children. I also think teachers and teachng assistants play a massive part in raising children, of course they do. You cant be with a child for a large part of the day and not have a large hand in shaping who they are, and what they can do. I dontthink that takes away from parents at all, and that comes from a person who had DD1 in day care from 4 months to a year without me before I started working with her. I definitely think the childcarers that were with here played a big role in bringing her up to.

I definitely dont agree that staying at home is always, or anywhere near always the right thing to do though. The children I have worked with have shown me that and have met many that cant talk, use toilet or eat with knife and fork at age 3/4 unfortunately and have never spent time out of home. All depends on the quality of care at home, same goes for quality of childcare out of home.

A part in bringing up our children, sure. But that goes for children in any situation: friends, relatives, neighbours, the community they live in will all play a role in shaping how our Children develop.

My point was that when some posters talk about 'wanting to bring up my own Children' as a reason for not working, they are failing to understand that the parents are the central influence in the Childs life full stop.

It almost seems occasionally as though a few posters want there to be less favourable outcomes for children of working parents, as if it's some sort of justification for their choice to stay home! Daft isn't it, but you do see it now and then- eg chocablocks post above.

I reckon they stand to be very disappointed when the children of their working mum friends grow up to be no better or worse than their own kids!

I am a WOHM. This morning I have done two loads of washing, made a lasagne for dinner tonight, so that I don't have to dadd when I get in - late. I have cleaned the cats' litter box, swept the kitchen floor, found homework and wrapped some Christmas presents. Children are out of the house by 0730 and don't return till either 1630 or 1730. If I had a different job, which meant I could do regular hours, I could go to work early, do a full day and be home when they came home from school - they wouldn't notice I was working!

I do love my SAHM friends though, and used to love spending the day with them. They were just so louche - it would be drop off at school, round to someone's house for coffee. They would sit there all morning, drinking coffee and smoking dope until midday. Then one of them would put pizza and oven chips in the oven and two others would go to the corner shop for wine. The afternoon would be more of the same, when they would wobble unsteadily round to the school to collect their children. That's the sort of SAHM I would like to be (although it may need a bit of variety). I don't know when cleaning/washing/cooking happened...

Dadd? Faff!