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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that nursery workers deserve more than a box of chocolates at christmas?

174 replies

choceyes · 09/12/2011 20:57

From what I gather from Mumsnet, and other forums is that, most people only give a £5 box of chocs for nursery staff to share. And this is as recognition for their hard work for a full year.

i really don't get it. Especially when I read the thread about tippign the hairdresser. Say £5 a time, 4 times a year? That's £20. And that for the person who looks after your hair. Then why is it acceptable to spend a relative pittance when it comes to the people that look after your children?

Nursery staff are on a very low wage, not much more than minimum wage I believe. They do a hard job. most people must be happy with the care they give, otherwise they woulnd't be using the nursery. So why not "tip" them generously at christmas?

I will be spending about £50 on the keyworkers and other staff that look after my 2 (3yrs and 15 months).

AIBU?

OP posts:

justanuthermanicmumsday · 10/12/2011 21:23

When u say nursery workers do you men private or primary school nurseries? My daughter attends nursery at a pimary school. I dont celebrate Xmas plus i think there is no need, they r being paid. But if i was to give I just give when I can afford it . If i havent got the money in xmas or hearts not in it i wont. I ont think sn of us shoukd feel compelled because of a festive dy, u give hn u can. to be honest I would give choco anything else seems inappropriate, isn't it like bribery? Look after my kids well , give them the best grades or else no more 50 quid notes? Lol

troisgarcons · 10/12/2011 21:28

I cant read a word of that.

FabbyChic · 10/12/2011 21:28

Its a vocation being a nursery nurse they dont do it for the money as such, they do it because it is what they want to do.

I never gave a xmas present to my nursery, they were doing a job.

I only ever tip a hairdresser £2.00 i.e if its £18 make it up to £20.

I only go to the hairdressers once every two years.

CaffeineIsMyBestFriend · 10/12/2011 21:37

As a nursery nurse, I would never expect gifts or money from any of the parents at Christmas. We do get given tins of chocolates which are shared amongst all the staff and sometimes the odd personal present which we can only accept as personal if it has our name on it. These are never a given though and I always appreciate anything as a gift.

I actually had a fair few gifts and homemade cards when I went on maternity leave. The majority were because all my key group were off to school in Sept and I go back to work next week, so never got to 'send them off', so to speak. One was quite overwhelmed with emotion when I accepted those.

But I would certainly not feel ungrateful for anything, no matter how small, because I just don't expect it.

breatheslowly · 10/12/2011 21:38

Fabby - just because it is a vocation and a job doesn't mean that you shouldn't express your gratitude in some form.

Surely being a hairdresser is both a vocation and a job too. I just don't see the distinction, but nor do I see a Christmas gift to nursery staff as a tip.

coronet · 10/12/2011 21:43

My mum was a teacher. The last day of term was sooo exciting when we were kids - she would come home with boxes and boxes of chocs plus other gifts. My mum appreciated them all - we ate lots, shared lots, gave some away. The thought really was what counted. Am sure it's the same for nursery staff.

FabbyChic · 10/12/2011 21:45

I never gave teachers a present either, its like saying that you'd give the police something because they dealt with crime the way they were supposed to, or the fire brigade got something for christmas for saving your home.

Charity and that is what it is begins at home.

squeakytoy · 10/12/2011 21:57

Fabby, you are all heart

RedHotSanta · 10/12/2011 22:08

I buy a box of chocs for dds class teacher/tas to share and one for the staff who work in dss room at nursery.

Incidentally I don't tip my hairdresser. I have been going to her for years, she's fantastic. But imo she charges a fair amount (£40 - 75) and I don't feel the need to give her anymore. I value her greatly which I show by remaining a loyal customer.

exoticfruits · 10/12/2011 22:11

I've seen Fabby on another thread about teachers-she thinks it is 'just a job'-I can't say that I would want someone looking after or teaching my DC who thinks it is 'just a job'.

Everlong · 10/12/2011 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

breatheslowly · 10/12/2011 22:12

I think if the fire brigade saved my home I would at least write them a thank you letter!

Do you not say thank you to anyone Fabby?

Everlong · 10/12/2011 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElaineReese · 10/12/2011 22:17

I always get something as I wouldn't want my daughter to be the only one not giving.

Most years I really want it to be something nice, because these are people who have an impact on her every single day and who can make a huge difference to her life if they choose, which they almost always do.

I also wouldn't say a box of chocolates is crap - it's just nice to get anything.

As a lecturer, who doesn't get anything, if a student gave me a card I'd be over the moon! I wouldn't think I deserved more just because I work hard and don't get paid a lot - I'd just be pleased.

So Fabby and OP are both BU.

LovesBloominChristmas · 10/12/2011 22:45

If the fire service saved my home I would give them something

Sarah46uk · 10/12/2011 23:04

I'm a mum & a Childminder, so can come at this from both sides. I liked to show my appreciation of the good teachers I have had for my children in the past by getting something thoughtful but reasonably priced as we don?t have a lot. A nice pen or notelets. But as a childminder one of the nicest gifts I have had was a small homemade fridge magnet, with googly eyes!. It must be over 10yrs old now but still reminds me of that little girl. Please mum's no choc's, if you need to a small box like the 99p Lindt ones and a little homemade card, that shows you have thought of us, it also shows your child to appreciate the people who care for them,so just a little something that show you know us & appreciate what we do.

ScarfOfSexualPreference · 11/12/2011 00:02

Well as a former nursery nurse I can only say a box of chocs is quite good- silly really, but- you can split them up amongst all the staff if there are fewer or more boxes given than staff, if they don't eat chocolate for whatever reason they are very easy to give to family members, there's no embarressment over taking a gift the family may not be able to afford. A bottle of wine would be good for some but I doubt I would even take it home as I don't drink.

I worked in just a regular nursery, but I'm sure 99% of the parents wouldn't recognise me- I started at 9, after the children arrived, then at the end of the day my job was to clean the main room while the children were settled in the other room during pick-up. Yet I cared for the children, fed them at lunch, did activities, played and changed nappies with everyone else. The individual gift thing would have left me out completely!

Now I'm a nanny and I have to say the idea that nannies automatically get a huge tip/bonus/gift, whatever you call it, is wrong. My last job lasted nearly 2 years and I left just before Christmas. I got nothing, not even a card nor a thankyou, either as a leaving gift or Christmas. That was after spending over 20 Euros on books for my charge.

The best, most heartfelt gift I could have received was a personal card with something in it that you noticed or liked about me- thanks for caring for x, she talks about you at home. x sings the songs you teach him! Looking forward to another good year. I'd cherish that! Put it on my fridge. But because I never met the parents I never got anything.

Although saying that, I did really appreciate the dad who came back at the end of the evening shift in a hotel nursery to give me a fiver to say sorry for his DC spewing EVERYWHERE when they first got there! He was so embarressed, mortified that I had to clean up!

A1980 · 11/12/2011 00:26

Nursery staff are on a very low wage, not much more than minimum wage I believe.

They don't have to do it.

I hope the OP realsies that if they are cash strapped then a £50 present is about as useful as a £5 present. Why not give them the cash OP if you can afford that sort of money.

minceorotherwise · 11/12/2011 00:28

Not sure how much sense that makes?

Foxy800 · 11/12/2011 08:47

I think personally some people are going into this a lot more than is needed. It is almost for some making them feel guilty for wanting to give a present to someone to say thank you for your work.

As for the comment about low wages and not having to do it as someone said earlier on it is a vacation, we do it cause it is what we wnat to do, for most it is not the money.

As I said earlier as a nursery nurse I am grateful for anything be it a card made by the child or a box of chocs etc!!!But I am also not upset if a parent doesnt get anything for us. It is the parents choice and doesnt change anything in the nursery with the children. It CERTAINLY ISNT expected.

As I also said am a parent myself and will be with my dd making biscuits for her teachers as cant afford to buy anytihng but it is a nice thing to give them something.

JoyceDivision · 11/12/2011 20:29

at Flabby!!!

(sorry, had to lower the tone of the thread)

Tracey1968wham · 04/11/2015 21:48

As a nursery nurse I would never expect to receive gifts for doing a job I love. I wouldn't want someone to spend their money on me. A simple thank you is more than enough, just to know your appreciated and that your doing what your supposed to be doing is enough for me.

ladyrosy · 04/11/2015 21:49

Zombie thread!

ghostyslovesheep · 04/11/2015 21:49

STOP BUMPING ZOMBIE THREADS PEOPLE FFS

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