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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that nursery workers deserve more than a box of chocolates at christmas?

174 replies

choceyes · 09/12/2011 20:57

From what I gather from Mumsnet, and other forums is that, most people only give a £5 box of chocs for nursery staff to share. And this is as recognition for their hard work for a full year.

i really don't get it. Especially when I read the thread about tippign the hairdresser. Say £5 a time, 4 times a year? That's £20. And that for the person who looks after your hair. Then why is it acceptable to spend a relative pittance when it comes to the people that look after your children?

Nursery staff are on a very low wage, not much more than minimum wage I believe. They do a hard job. most people must be happy with the care they give, otherwise they woulnd't be using the nursery. So why not "tip" them generously at christmas?

I will be spending about £50 on the keyworkers and other staff that look after my 2 (3yrs and 15 months).

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
choceyes · 09/12/2011 22:13

In the past I have given Boots vouchers for DSs keyworker. I thought anyone could find something to buy in Boots.

OP posts:
smackapacca · 09/12/2011 22:14

Fucking hell, you're damned if you do and damned if you dont.

DonInKillerHeels · 09/12/2011 22:15

It's crass because you wouldn't give money as a "thank you" to your nurse or any other not-very-well-paid professional. You would give a gift.

pigletmania · 09/12/2011 22:16

Well once your dc starts school your restricted to what you can give teachers and TA as part of their policies.

smackapacca · 09/12/2011 22:16

I'm an OT (NHS) and we're not allowed to accept cash gifts/tips. End of story.

Original poster
choceyes · 09/12/2011 22:17

swanker - in my DD's room her keyworker is always the one looking after her. There is only about 3 babies in there. Sometimes there are more, then there will be another worker, but DD's keyworker is always there.

OP posts:
pinkyp · 09/12/2011 22:19

Yabu!!

pigletmania · 09/12/2011 22:23

so therefore a £5 box of choccies for staff it is then. You'll find also that teachers/TA can be a bit Hmm or Blush if parents give them expensive gifts, and prefer the small homemade ones.

pigletmania · 09/12/2011 22:24

where thought and effort has gone into them, and the child has made it themselves.

whackamole · 09/12/2011 22:24

I would love to tip the nursery staff £50, but I can't afford it. At all. YABU to imply that anyone who doesn't spend that much on the nursery staff are tight.

FWIW, I also wish I could afford to give twice what we do as fees as they do such a brilliant job for little money - but again, I can't afford it.

larks35 · 09/12/2011 22:25

choceyes - "I wouldn't spend £50 on a teacher. Looking after an under 2 year old is very different to being a teacher IMO." I totally agree and as a teacher of 10 years have never expected or received xmas pressies. I'm intrigued as to how you differentiate this yourself though. Is what I do for other people's DCs less valid, maybe because it is free at point of use?

I pay an absolutely wonderful CM about 1/3 of my yearly income to look after my DS. ATM mine is the only income into our household. The last effing haircut I had was this time last year (a xmas pressie from DP) and I did tip, its just what I do.

Last year I could afford to buy a £20 pressie for CM and £10 pressie for her lovely daughter who also has a great relationship with my DS. Due to different circs this year a £5 box of chocs will stretch my budget and I wish I could do more.

YABveryU and also insensitive to other people's difficult circumstances. Bully for you giving expensive gifts. I just hope that whatever I manage to get for DS's lovely CM won't leave her feeling unappreciated.

Original poster
choceyes · 09/12/2011 22:29

YABU to imply that anyone who doesn't spend that much on the nursery staff are tight.

Actually my point was that I couldn't understand why people prioritised tipping their hairdresser over giving a nice gift to someone who looks after their DC. If you can't afford/see the point of, tipping your hairdressers/waiter/cabbie etc then ofcourse I don't think you are being tight.

OP posts:
MamaMaiasaura · 09/12/2011 22:33

So is an oxfam giftcard supporting education a crap gift then? I just though rather than having more choc and biscuits I could put it to charity. Plus preschool and I have had issues so not wanting to single out staff

Original poster
choceyes · 09/12/2011 22:33

I pay the majority of my income to the nursery. The last haircut I had wasin June with a Groupon voucher for £15. I don't see your point larks33. Last year you gave £30 towards your CM, and you only have 1 DC. I have two...so...again I don't get your point.

OP posts:
PPT · 09/12/2011 22:33

Oh dear, I just handed over my £5 box of choccies today as it's my son's last day before we go on holiday. The 3 lovely nursery workers in his class looked pleased enough. I say thank you every week... and it's a genuine thank you as I think they work really hard.

I think I would feel uncomfortable giving a more expensive present to someone who I already pay a salary to. I only give presents to my family, and I give my lovely cleaning lady a box of choccies. But that's my line. I really don't need other people telling me what is and what isn't acceptable to spend.

I now feel a bit bad, and like my choccies will be viewed as me being a bit ungrateful. Thanks a lot OP.

Original poster
choceyes · 09/12/2011 22:37

I wouldn't have thought they'd see your gift as ungrateful PPT. As it looks like your gift is the norm and it is methat's being unreasonable and you would have realised that if you'd read the thread.

OP posts:
IReallyHateMyCat · 09/12/2011 22:41

I agree it shows odd priorities to tp your hairdresser more than the person who looks after your kid.. but people shouldnt feel bad if thats all they can afford

MyDogAteMyMincePies · 09/12/2011 22:43

YABU

you chose a role which unjustifiably pays little.

I don't give Christmas tips, nor do I expect them. The majority of people in this country work in a role which provides a service and does not get tips.

In my role I pay people, which is the very reason why people go to work. I don't get Christmas tips. Actually I would be happy if somebody said "thank you". The only contact I get with staff if something goes wrong.

AIBU to ask if you appreciate your payroll team???? It's more than just pushing a button to get your wages into your account every month

larks35 · 09/12/2011 22:43

My point choceyes is that our circumstances have changed since last year. My income pays for everything, mortgage, bills, childcare, food, DP has no income at all atm and apart from the odd job hasn't had for 6 months. I'm also 5mo pregnant so budgeting ahead for a short maternity leave.

TBH, I was dramatising a bit earlier about worrying if DS's CM will feel appreciated as I know my her well enough to know that she couldn't really give a 4x if I gave her an expensive gift or a £stretcher special, as long as I value her for what she does, and I do, very much.

GypsyMoth · 09/12/2011 22:50

I was first to say money is 'crass'.... I do think it....sorry if it has offended anyone, but ok, I relent, boots vouchers do sound ok

StealthPolarBear · 09/12/2011 22:55

"If you must spend £50, buy the biggest box of chocolates you ever saw."

Unless you're in Hotel Chocolat, in which case pick on of the smaller boxes

jade80 · 09/12/2011 22:57

Ok, honest thoughts about how nursery staff might take presents- assuming they weren't thoroughly ungrateful!

Chocs- yum!
Flowers- lovely thought!
Personalised present- very impressed you took the time
Letter/card of thanks- really touched
Vouchers- bonus!
Cash- unexpected, but thanks, will be put to good use!
Anything else- thank you for thinking of me!

Haziedoll · 09/12/2011 23:13

Yabu. If someone wishes to buy them a £5 box of chocolates then that is up to them. I don't buy presents or tip anybody.

scottishmummy · 09/12/2011 23:20

what a braggy isnt you ladybleedinbountiful post
I get the two for £8 roses tins
no complaints
and certainly not £50 spend

cookielove · 10/12/2011 18:15

Well speaking as a nursery nurse its nice to receive vouchers or even cash (from a very appreciative mum who just didn't know what to get) over chocolates or wine, although will accept all quite gladly.

OP if you want to spend £50 combined thats great, you should if you feel thats what they deserve do it, i am sure it will make them very happy. Smile

Jade80's post seems very accurate.