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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about 'D'P and going to his place

130 replies

Mumtabulous · 09/12/2011 00:07

Have been seeing new p for a couple of months following a nasty breakup with long-term x. Since we haven't been together very long I haven't taken this too seriously, but in the last week or so he has become more distant and so I've been giving this some more thought:

He has never, ever invited me to his place, and always has an excuse. Examples so far are his cousin being there and so 'in the way', his flat being too messy, mine is easier to get to and it's more difficult for me because I have DCs and he doesn't, his friends want to meet me, he doesn't have time and so on.

AIBU to think that I may have unknowingly become an OW? I suppose it doesn't really matter, but is it so U not to want him to have to keep making excuses like a teenager? Perhaps he lives with his mother and doesn't want to say - he is in his thirties after all? Don't want to overanalyse, but am starting to smell a rat!

OP posts:
pictish · 09/12/2011 00:10

Ask him fgs! tell him you're tired of his excuses and want the truth.
And he's not your p - he's your boyfriend.
How can he be your partner? You've never been to his house!

WorraLiberty · 09/12/2011 00:11

Does he stay overnight at your house?

squeakytoy · 09/12/2011 00:11

I think I would be smelling a rat too. How did you meet?

jasper · 09/12/2011 00:12

have you asked him?

MyNameIsInigoMontoya · 09/12/2011 00:12

"Doesn't really matter"? Hmm

Original poster
Mumtabulous · 09/12/2011 00:13

Okay, yes, boyfriend - but couldn't think of the right MN abbreviation for that one.

I have asked him, didn't get a straight answer.

Only stayed over a couple of times when the DCs weren't there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumtabulous · 09/12/2011 00:14

MyNameIs, I didn't mean that becoming an OW wouldn't matter, I meant about going to his place, in the grand scheme of things!

OP posts:
pictish · 09/12/2011 00:15

Why doesn't it matter if you're the OW?

pictish · 09/12/2011 00:15

Sorry - cross posted.

It totally does matter - he's avoiding you going to his house. Why would that be?

squeakytoy · 09/12/2011 00:16

Have you met any of his friends?

Original poster
Mumtabulous · 09/12/2011 00:17

Of course it matters, that's why I'm asking. Re-reading my first post I can see how it reads that way, oooops! Blush

OP posts:
MyNameIsInigoMontoya · 09/12/2011 00:18
Xmas Grin
pictish · 09/12/2011 00:20

hahaaa! Grin

Ok - yeah something stinks doesn't it?

Are you the type to find out his address and go for a wee keek? Look for toys in the garden....that sort of thing?

Original poster
Mumtabulous · 09/12/2011 00:20

I've met quite a few of his friends now, all seemed normal enough.

OP posts:
pictish · 09/12/2011 00:21

Maybe his place is a midden of shite? Like an embarrassing tip!

Original poster
Mumtabulous · 09/12/2011 00:22

Grin no, but I am the type to chuck him if the overall consensus is that I'm not U to think he may be cheating!

OP posts:
pictish · 09/12/2011 00:23

My bil internet dates. I often think if the women he occasionally meets could see the state of his place, they wouldn't touch him with somebody else's! It's a fucking filthy shambles.

Original poster
Mumtabulous · 09/12/2011 00:24

A midden of shite, love it! But if he was embarrassed about it being a tip the first time, surely he'd make sure he cleaned it the next time?

Rat's getting smellier isn't it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumtabulous · 09/12/2011 00:27

Another time he said that his place was 'too small' (!)

I can't be too specific about where I met him as it could out me, but it was in a let's say business setting as opposed to internet shenanigans!

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KatAndKit · 09/12/2011 00:28

I'd be suspicious, usually a new man can't wait to get you in his house and in his bed and will even go to the effort of tidying up to achieve this. I would be thinking he is hiding a wife and children in his place. Or he is just very weird.

MissMogwi · 09/12/2011 00:29

Do you actually know where he lives? You could ring him when you know he's in and say you are round the corner and you'll be there in 5 mins.

If he cacks it and invents gas leak/cousin/mess/washing his hair he's up to no good.

Sneaky? Yes. Distrusting? Yes. But gets the job done Grin

Original poster
Mumtabulous · 09/12/2011 00:37

You're right pictish, it does matter! Flowers MissMogwi, I'm down to the nearest station, that's as far as it goes.

Right, that's it, I've had enough. Newly empowered by MN, I'm moving on up Grin!

OP posts:
ChippingInNeedsSleep · 09/12/2011 00:42

No no no - you can't ditch him without finding out why he wont let you round there!! WE need to know!

pictish · 09/12/2011 00:52

Lol! yes...for goodness sake we need closure!
Was he hiding a wife and kids, a bluebottle breeding programme, or having his bum wiped by his mummy? We need to know!

Original poster
Mumtabulous · 09/12/2011 00:52

Chipping, perhaps we should prepare an MN petition and force him to tell all! Grin Wine

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