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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about 'D'P and going to his place

130 replies

Mumtabulous · 09/12/2011 00:07

Have been seeing new p for a couple of months following a nasty breakup with long-term x. Since we haven't been together very long I haven't taken this too seriously, but in the last week or so he has become more distant and so I've been giving this some more thought:

He has never, ever invited me to his place, and always has an excuse. Examples so far are his cousin being there and so 'in the way', his flat being too messy, mine is easier to get to and it's more difficult for me because I have DCs and he doesn't, his friends want to meet me, he doesn't have time and so on.

AIBU to think that I may have unknowingly become an OW? I suppose it doesn't really matter, but is it so U not to want him to have to keep making excuses like a teenager? Perhaps he lives with his mother and doesn't want to say - he is in his thirties after all? Don't want to overanalyse, but am starting to smell a rat!

OP posts:
LunaticFringe · 09/12/2011 10:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SanTEEClaus · 09/12/2011 10:54

Do tell him, in exacting detail, what you've found!

MorelliOrRanger · 09/12/2011 11:02

Call and ask him if he's married, if not to stop feeding you bullshit about his house.

If he's married what a swine :(

becstarsky · 09/12/2011 11:02

Especially that you found out his real age - he deserves a blow to the vanity the cheating so-and-so! Say something like 'I did think it was weird that you looked so very much older than your age'.

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 09/12/2011 11:11

Did he say he'd ever been married? The football site might be old data - people are often lazy about updating stuff like that.

ViviPrudolf · 09/12/2011 11:12

Have you talked about previous relationships with him,OP? Like, as far as you are aware he's not separated/recently divorced, etc etc? Has he mentioned a marriage in his past at all? Or has he led you to believe he's never been married?

ViviPrudolf · 09/12/2011 11:13

great minds chipping

Original poster
Mumtabulous · 09/12/2011 11:21

No he said he's NEVER been married, and that he thinks marriage is an outdated institution!! I had this conversation with him more than once. Apparently no DCs, although I don't know what to believe now.

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 09/12/2011 11:21

Hmm, well he could be separated.

192 is done by electorol roll isn't it? If you tick the box that says it can't be disclosed or listed it will never turn up on 192. I'm not on 192.

I think a little investigation is required, as you might not get a straight answer, ideally you'd have the answer before you get to confront/ask him just to relish in what a liar he is (if indeed he is married)

Now you have his address I suggest you do a little drive by! Grin

TattyDevine · 09/12/2011 11:23

So not so much without permission but he's failed to opt out.

Original poster
Mumtabulous · 09/12/2011 11:24

It doesn't come up with the address, only the area and the first part of the postcode... I don't think I can be bothered with the drive by, if he finds out it'll look like I care too much. But I do think a confrontation is in order! Not that I will get a straight answer.

Why did he bother to lie about his age, fgs I'm only ten years younger. Must be mid life crisis cliche as someone suggested up the thread!

OP posts:
Bartimaeus · 09/12/2011 12:08
ViviPrudolf · 09/12/2011 12:30
Grin
SnapesMistressofMerriment · 09/12/2011 13:11

:o Maybe post some pombears through his front door.

ShirleyKnot · 09/12/2011 13:17

ZOMG!

Anniegetyourgun · 09/12/2011 13:26

Quite sure that's the same person on the football site, not someone with the same name?

SpaghettiTwirlerPrancerVixen · 09/12/2011 13:27

Xmas Grin pombears.

RealiTreeCoveredInTinsel · 09/12/2011 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FlippingFreezing · 09/12/2011 13:33

What a cock!

God, I love google.

mummytime · 09/12/2011 13:36

Be careful! 192 has me living with two people we sold out house to. It also has my husband seemingly living with 5 women/girls of the same surname, 2 of whom have the same first name (which is the same as one of our daughters).

Pantofino · 09/12/2011 13:36

God some men are just twunts aren't they? Hmm

wannaBe · 09/12/2011 13:42

tbh I don't think you can take google as gospel. Also he might not be the only peroson of that name i
living in that area.

I wouldn't confront him with information you've obtained from google and associated sites, because if you've got it wrong then it will be you that is made to look stupid. firstly:

Do you have his landline number?

If not, are there times you're asked/told not to call his mobile? Or that he doesn't answer it/send texts?

I would ask for his address for the pure and simple reason you want to send him a Christmas card. If he won't give it to you then I would use this as a basis to confront him as to the reasons why. And I would then say to him that you suspect he is married, so either he lets you have his address, as there shouldn't be any reason not to at this point, or you will assume his refusal to do so validates your suspicions.

GirlWithALlamaTattoo · 09/12/2011 13:42

I come up on 192 at my house and my old house. Old house also shows me living with XP, ex-housemate and the landlady. Cosy!

He sounds dodgy, but don't dump him just for 192.

AbbyAbsinthe · 09/12/2011 13:48

Oooh, I'll be watching this with interest!

I would have thought it was all conjecture up until the point of the football site stating him as married - even then, he could have just not updated it - but he told you he's NEVER been married. He's lying about something.

UterusUterusGhali · 09/12/2011 15:24

Aw, Mum, you're being very brave I must say.Sad

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