Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

about 'D'P and going to his place

130 replies

Mumtabulous · 09/12/2011 00:07

Have been seeing new p for a couple of months following a nasty breakup with long-term x. Since we haven't been together very long I haven't taken this too seriously, but in the last week or so he has become more distant and so I've been giving this some more thought:

He has never, ever invited me to his place, and always has an excuse. Examples so far are his cousin being there and so 'in the way', his flat being too messy, mine is easier to get to and it's more difficult for me because I have DCs and he doesn't, his friends want to meet me, he doesn't have time and so on.

AIBU to think that I may have unknowingly become an OW? I suppose it doesn't really matter, but is it so U not to want him to have to keep making excuses like a teenager? Perhaps he lives with his mother and doesn't want to say - he is in his thirties after all? Don't want to overanalyse, but am starting to smell a rat!

OP posts:

Original poster

Mumtabulous · 10/12/2011 00:21

He's only recently lukewarm, and I would love to know why.

In fact, I'm going to ask him straight in the morning!

OP posts:

Noopypappy · 10/12/2011 00:44

Gosh I just did 192 google myself on having read this thread. It had me down twice, once as being 16-20 and living with my husband and the previous owner of my house and once as 42-46 and living with my husband and the two owners of my previous house. I am mid 30s so neither age is right and I bought the houses off both sets of people, not lived with them. don't do anything off the back of reading 192 OP!

Tallypet · 10/12/2011 00:50

Mum he's being far too suspicious - are your alarm bells still ringing? Does he have Facebook? Can you stalk investigate that way?

Tallypet · 10/12/2011 00:56

Mum he's being far too suspicious - are your alarm bells still ringing? Does he have Facebook? Can you stalk investigate that way?

fuzzynavel · 10/12/2011 00:57

He still won't give you a straight answer OP.

Unless you stake him out [very stalkerish] you will never know.

fuzzynavel · 10/12/2011 01:01

If I were you I'd say good luck to bad rubbish and move on.

He's a tosser anyway

Original poster

Mumtabulous · 10/12/2011 01:06

I'm going to ask him why he seems more distant lately, mind you I probably won't get a straight answer about that either.

You know what, though? I really don't want the drama of an all-consuming worry about what he's really up to, if anything, but probably something. I'm just not willing to let it get to that stage, those angst ridden days of my youth are long gone (just affirmed by quick glance at lines on forehead in mirror!) I'm giving him a week to redeem himself!

OP posts:

Spermysextowel · 10/12/2011 01:26

I am agog (1st time I've ever said that; have been waiting 30+ years for suitable opportunity). I have super-lightweight folding chair, with cupholder, if voyeur-bench is full, plus a variety of microwaveable footwarmers. Anyone got the microwave & battery pack?

I appreciate that there's enough of a whiff about this to make you want to forget the whole thing, but there are times when duty calls!

fuzzynavel · 10/12/2011 01:50

A week to redeem? why cant you just tell him to bugger off?

fuzzynavel · 10/12/2011 01:51

If you dont want the drama dont enter into it in the first place?

fuzzynavel · 10/12/2011 01:53

Come on OP, two months and he's a twat? You're going to give him a chance, really?

fuzzynavel · 10/12/2011 01:54

Now now SST

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 10/12/2011 05:29

OP tread very very carefully - it is really important that you find out exactly what has been going on and don't just ditch him. It could have a really negative impact on your future emotional stability.

when I don't stop banging on about what he was really up to

TheHumancatapult · 10/12/2011 05:48

i just looked 192 has me when im married living with my ex andf someone else . that i know in fatc lived next door and thank feck has not picked me up since i got divorced name changed and moved

mulledwineoutdoors · 10/12/2011 06:29

I've just 192ed with my married name and my maiden name and one listing says I'm aged 42-46 and I'm only 29, and it was about 7 years ago I lived in that house. I also look like I lived with about 10 people at a time (not true). Why keep information about being on the electoral role somewhere 10 years ago? Sorry this has nothing to do with the op

Sloobreeus · 10/12/2011 06:51

Mum - you sound quite unemotional about this and very patient! I would be putting on my running kit and knocking on his door, saying that I was just passing... I neither want you to get hurt nor him to be impugned unfairly (feeling wordy this morning). It is suspicious, though. If his friends are covering for him, he owes an awful lot of favours. Hope you are OK.

cumbria81 · 10/12/2011 07:24

Hardly any of my friends or my BF have ever been to my place. It's very small, I have no furniture or anywhere for them to sit, no mugs etc. I am ashamed of it as I am not very well off. There is nothing suspicious. I feel far more comfortable at other people's houses. Perhaps your DP is the same?

MorelliOrRanger · 10/12/2011 07:53

That's what I meant, you've been with him a couple of months and he's behaving like this. If it was after 10 years or so then maybe but jeez 8 weeks. Is it worth the hassle?

Hope he explains himself properly to you this morning.

iscream · 10/12/2011 08:50

You have will power Mumtabulous, I would want to "drop in unexpectedly".

QOD · 10/12/2011 08:54

gasp! I am NOT on the visible thing now but for 2002 I show on there residing with the former occupants (the house was empty for 4 yrs before we moved in) and I lived here with my mum and dad in 2004! (oh DH was with me for both!)

BalloonSlayer · 10/12/2011 08:56

Online translator:

"he said he's NEVER been married" I wish I'd never been married

"he thinks marriage is an outdated institution" All that fidelity stuff is like sooooo old fashioned

MotherPanda · 10/12/2011 09:07

Oh this is so juicy! So, who is the other woman? Wife, mother, sister...

OP you have to fond out the truth - and tell us all.

Auntiestablishment · 10/12/2011 09:08

You get off 192.com by ticking the box on the electoral register form about not being on the version of the register that the council can sell to anybody who fancies it. But even that doesn't remove past data. (Approach 192.com?)

pathetic attempt at finding an excuse to post

AmanitaMuscaria · 10/12/2011 09:14

I wonder whether 192.com has noticed the strange increase in visitors to the site.

Come on OP, put us out of our misery; confront him today!

Eglu · 10/12/2011 09:22

Pulls up extra chair and hands round fresh packet of pom bears.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6