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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask you not to buy Christmas presents for teachers.

562 replies

Crabapple99 · 08/12/2011 05:52

I have seen several threads on the topic, so want to give my point of view and experiences.

  1. Many staff are not allowed to accept a gift above a certain value ( £3 in my school) so these big gifts, especially class gifts, leave staff in a very difficult situation, causing all sorts of paperwork and recording, and leaving us open to accusations of favouratitsm from families, and other allegations
  1. Many staff don't want gifts, quite often the item is unwanted, even edibles, if the box is big, heavy, and we already have too much to eat over christams. It is also embarrassing to have to accept.
  1. Many staff worry about the reason for the gift, especially if it seems some pupils and their parents feel pressure to keep up: I've been given gifts in the past that when I know the family can't afford even a couple of pounds, it makes me feel terrible. I've had gifts in the past which I suspected were stolen, which makes me feel worse.
  1. I don't really think there is a problem with Christmas cards, but even then, as someone who could easiluy have 300 pupils on my timetable, even then that can get a bit overwelming, not to say meaningless.
  1. A very small token, such as one of those tiney boxes from thornton's with just two chocolates in, is a nice way of acknoledging when a teacher has really gone above and beond, for your child, but even that is unnessesary rreally.

Hope I'm not coming across as a scrooge! I love christams, but dread this aspect of it.

OP posts:
RockingBEYONDtheXmasTree · 08/12/2011 14:57

Sorry ladies, I'm all for pointing out funny inconsistencies in threads, but Crabapple does say in the other thread that she is a teacher, hence why she is annoyed with children having time off.

I would assume that she means she did her degree in Pathology and then a PGCE after that. And the spelling has been explained, she did say she is dyslexic... Xmas Grin

Not saying I agree with you btw OP! If it everyones opinion in your school that people dont want them, why dont you speak to the head and ask them to ask parents to make donations to charity or something instead?

bemybebe · 08/12/2011 14:59

I give Xmas presents to my family and close friends only. I actually agree that teachers should be prevented from accepting high-value presents from their students.

Bartimaeus · 08/12/2011 15:01

My mum loves getting cards and presents from her pupils. They're secondary age and often it is so obvious (in a vey nice, sweet way) that the children have chosen the presents themselves, bought an wrapped them. My mum always tells me who bought what and who the child is - she's very touched by the thought and effort.

happywheezer · 08/12/2011 15:01

Don't speak for me
Don't tell me what to buy

eatyourveg · 08/12/2011 15:14

A tin of quality street for the staff room then no-one is left out and no teacher is inundated

Feenie · 08/12/2011 16:16

RockingbeyondtheChristmastree No, she doesn't actually say anywhere on that thread that she is a teacher. She says she has worked with attendance officers, and she also says:

Well ,I am a qualified pathologust, so may well know more about viruses than others on thisthread.

After years ( more than 2 decades of expeience) of working with educational social workers, probation officers etc, I know what I am talking about.

But I can't find any post that states she is a teacher.

HecklerNotKoch · 08/12/2011 16:21

dont think i ever bought a present once for a teacher in my kids school lives

no need for it

Bunbaker · 08/12/2011 16:24

"£10 per family"

Wow! That's a lot. Are you in a particularly affluent area? I only ever spent £5 max, and so did most other parents.

I do think this present buying is getting out of hand these days. DD is in high school now (year 7) so present buying for teachers is a thing of the past. We haven't had a parents evening yet so I don't know any of her teachers anyway.

MincePieFlavouredVoidka · 08/12/2011 16:27

I taught in one for 5 years

Crabapple posted that on a thread about quitting a PGCE.

AnotherMincepie · 08/12/2011 16:27

YANBU. Anyone can drop money into a kitty but a handmade card from the child shows thought and appreciation.

stellarpunk · 08/12/2011 16:27

But she does in a way

as someone who could easiluy have 300 pupils on my timetable

Not sure what else that could be referring too.

However, please don't necessarily have a go at her on the old SP, mine's absolutely rubbish. :)

stellarpunk · 08/12/2011 16:28

Sorry, that's in the OP's opening post.

festi · 08/12/2011 16:37

how about

can I ask that you do not speak for other people in such a way.

I can buy a gift for who ever I like thank you very much.

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 08/12/2011 16:41

I bet it's damp and cold where the OP lives.

OrmIrian · 08/12/2011 16:54

However I will take on board what you say and tell DS2 he can't give his teacher anything this year. He'll be upset but hey....

working9while5 · 08/12/2011 17:08

I am a Speech and Language Therapist. When I left to go on mat leave, I got a card from a student who had very seriously impaired communication following a brain injury telling me I would make a great mum. He handed me the card saying "I mean it, miss". It can bring tears to my eyes just to think of that now.

What a cynical, cynical, cynical thread. Bah humbug doesn't come close.

ilovemydogandMrObama · 08/12/2011 18:08

a few moms and I decided that we are all going to chip in and get the teacher a voucher for a local mall, so she can even choose the shop Grin

candrcane · 08/12/2011 18:11

The cards I get go up at home then go in the class art box so the kids can use them in arts and crafts, they like this as we are all keen on recycling. I love getting gifts, sure some are awful for me but have been great to pass on and who doesnt appreciate chocs and wine, again make great dinner party gifts if you don't like them. I like feeling appreciated by the parents and many of them like the chance to show it. I never expect the gifts but always appreciate them and the kids love getting thank you cards from me. I have a good realtionship with parents but appreciate that is easier in primary school. Will def send my own kids with gifts for their teachers.

picnicbasketcase · 08/12/2011 18:20

The teachers I know admit that they get far too many boxes of chocolates and end up regifting most of them. One has spent quite some time explaining that she really doesn't like Lambrini and if they must buy her wine, she likes red Shock

MerylStrop · 08/12/2011 18:20

I'm totally bah humbug (though not cynical)

I think it's totally inappropriate to buy presents for teachers at Christmas unless they are actually a close personal friend. A card, homemade or otherwise, with some sincere words should suffice.

It's part of the ridiculous materialistic escalation of everything Christmas. It highlights the have-nots. There's enough tat in the world already. Teachers (and their TAs) are paid professionals. Etc.

If we could all just agree to nix unnecessary present-giving and party bags the world would be a better place.

indyandlara · 08/12/2011 18:23

I have never known a teacher not to want a gift. I am always exceptionally thankful for all the presents pupils and their parents have bought me. I always write thank you notes for the start of the next term. I think it is very generous but I particularly appreciate cards with notes when parents thank me for helping their child. None of the gift limits apply in my school and haven't in any I have worked.

lisaro · 08/12/2011 18:23

Are you a teacher? Your spelling is appalling!

AnotherMincepie · 08/12/2011 18:23

Considering the amount of time teachers put in through the year, it seems churlish to begrudge the small amount of time it takes to choose/make a thoughtful present.

Not keen on the voucher idea either. A voucher means that the teacher has to spend time choosing a present, making sure it will be "suitable" in the eyes of the parents so that she can thank them for it.

maypole1 · 08/12/2011 18:24

I think the op subject might be trolling

indyandlara · 08/12/2011 18:26

working9while5 what a lovely message. In a similar vein I had a boy with ASN come to me and cuddle when we I came back to work after our baby died and say he was sorry and that he understood how I felt as his Dad had died. He was 8. It still makes me sob to think of it now.