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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask you not to buy Christmas presents for teachers.

562 replies

Crabapple99 · 08/12/2011 05:52

I have seen several threads on the topic, so want to give my point of view and experiences.

  1. Many staff are not allowed to accept a gift above a certain value ( £3 in my school) so these big gifts, especially class gifts, leave staff in a very difficult situation, causing all sorts of paperwork and recording, and leaving us open to accusations of favouratitsm from families, and other allegations
  1. Many staff don't want gifts, quite often the item is unwanted, even edibles, if the box is big, heavy, and we already have too much to eat over christams. It is also embarrassing to have to accept.
  1. Many staff worry about the reason for the gift, especially if it seems some pupils and their parents feel pressure to keep up: I've been given gifts in the past that when I know the family can't afford even a couple of pounds, it makes me feel terrible. I've had gifts in the past which I suspected were stolen, which makes me feel worse.
  1. I don't really think there is a problem with Christmas cards, but even then, as someone who could easiluy have 300 pupils on my timetable, even then that can get a bit overwelming, not to say meaningless.
  1. A very small token, such as one of those tiney boxes from thornton's with just two chocolates in, is a nice way of acknoledging when a teacher has really gone above and beond, for your child, but even that is unnessesary rreally.

Hope I'm not coming across as a scrooge! I love christams, but dread this aspect of it.

OP posts:
yousankmybattleship · 08/12/2011 18:27

Haven't had time to read all the replies - but would like to report that I am a teacher I love getting presents. I love the chockies and the wine (for obvious reasons) but I also love the homemade stuff because it shows the children care. Pipe down Scrooge - not all of us agree!

lifechanger · 08/12/2011 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsCampbellBlack · 08/12/2011 18:30

Pretty sure the teachers were very happy with their Jo Malone stuff last year (class present) and this year they're getting White Co vouchers.

You just can not speak for all teachers in all schools.

DS' teacher has been wonderful this term and we want to show our appreciation.

Sevenfold · 08/12/2011 18:30

yabu
I buy a box of roses for them to share,( I can't compete with the rich folk and the wine) the staff deserve it as they go the extra mile(sn school)

cocoachanneloffestivecheer · 08/12/2011 18:36

What a miserable OP.

My Mum's a teacher and is always very grateful for the very thoughtful gifts her pupils buy. She knows she'll get lots of chocolates so doesn't buy any extras, and always loves showing off the homemade gifts from her year two class.

I have bought gifts for DD's nursery staff. They are lovely people and work very hard. I want to show how much DH and I appreciate them.

MincePieFlavouredVoidka · 08/12/2011 18:37

Op is actually Barbie - different job every week.

PosiesOfPoinsettia · 08/12/2011 18:38

Bollocks op. our teachers love their £100s vouchers.

cocoachanneloffestivecheer · 08/12/2011 18:38

lisaro I thought the same.

IneedAChristmasNickname · 08/12/2011 18:51

OP - fuck off! (Can I say that or will I be in trouble?)

DCs teachers love their homemade presents (or they should have Oscars) Last year we painted wooden hangers and put names on them, they are in the staff room. Other teachers in the school have told me they wish my DC were in their class so they could have such nice things Xmas Grin

Pixel · 08/12/2011 19:13

I always get something for ds's teachers but only things worth about £2/£3 as there are 5 members of staff just in his class (SN school) plus the office staff who are always wonderfully helpful and the taxi and escort. I would rather do a token gift than leave anybody out as they are all fantastic and make our lives so much easier. I want them to know we appreciate them.
It does add up to quite a lot of money but I still prefer that to the idea of everyone clubbing together to buy a voucher. People on this thread have mentioned one-upmanship and competition between parents but I don't really think most people would even take any notice of which gift other parents have given, I know I wouldn't have a clue. Even when dd was at a mainstream primary I don't recall parents ever discussing what gifts they were going to give teachers or noticing if someone didn't give a gift at all. By going round collecting contributions towards a joint gift you are immediately highlighting who is giving and who isn't, and making people who really can't afford it feel uncomfortable. It's also not very personal which kind of misses the point altogether.
Anyway, OP YABVU, there are rather more people on this thread who enjoy giving and receiving gifts than there are people who agree with you. Your school (if it exists) sounds like a soulless place.

JaneBirkin · 08/12/2011 19:20

I haven't read the whole thing but just want to say, usually we get the teacher something really small, to say thankyou.

This year I'm doing this in a heartfelt way for the two teachers/TA who have tried hard to maket the children learn and keep them happy.

Their official class teacher isn't even getting a card because she has been a complete cow.

That's all. Smile In short, it has to be from the heart or there's no point, I wouldn't do it automatically. I just want to sometimes.

exoticfruits · 08/12/2011 19:25

It always makes me laugh when people think they can speak for everyone! I shall continue to give a gift because I like to and teachers deserve it.

whatstheetiquette · 08/12/2011 19:40

OP - YABU. My DB is a teacher and he is grateful when parents give him something (usually bottle of wine). He feels happy that they are pleased with the work he does with their children. No bribery involved - he's the teacher, he doesn't mark their A levels!

I have contributed to a class collection for DS's teacher (shopping vouchers to be bought with money) and I have given DD's teacher a shopping voucher. Can get home stuff/food/electronics/whatever they like. I am certain it will be appreciated, particularly by DD's teacher who has just bought her first house. I hope she can put the voucher towards something she needs to set her home up. I don't give a F if you don't agree with it OP, I shall do as I see fit! After all, they are free to put the vouchers in the bin.

lisaro · 08/12/2011 19:45

When my oldest left primary we also bought a pressie for the caretaker. He was nearly in tears as nobody had ever done that before. He constantly went out of his way to do things with and for the children, very often in his own time, was well loved, but just overlooked.

JingleBellend · 08/12/2011 19:48

OP, you are incredibly miserable! My DS is in a special school and the TAs and teachers work incredibly hard. A small gift is just a heartfelt token of our appreciation for this, and I am 99% sure those gifts are gratefully received. I gave a little box of chocs and a card to a member of staff in the school office today and she was so taken aback she started crying!

So ner ner ner. Talk about Bah Humbug!

ninah · 08/12/2011 19:59

ooh I love getting presents! don't see them as awkward or bribes at all
there was no limit to value at my last school, the parents collected and I got vouchers that were really appreciated
but my favourite things are when the children have had input, either making something or choosing (one 3 year old chose me a little notebook which I thought was v perceptive, I love this kind of thing)
maybe it's different at secondary but I still don't see the harm in a card, does it really matter if you get 300?

JKSLtd · 08/12/2011 20:04

I'm going to quite happily derail this thread by asking for present advice :)

DS2 goes to an SN school and I lose track of how many staff are in his classroom, as well as all the other very helpful staff that seem to be around & know him. He wasn't there last Christmas.

DS1 has a teacher & a TA so that's easy a bottle each. (have picked 1 white & 1 red in the hope that they can swap to suit tastes).

What should I do for DS2's lot?

ninah · 08/12/2011 20:07

I have got nice tree decos for TAs where I am training eg a silver star etc

JKSLtd · 08/12/2011 20:09

I like that idea :)

Just not sure how many of them there are Confused

They sent home a leaflet with photos of staff & rooms, there were 4 staff members in that, maybe I should go with those 4?

clam · 08/12/2011 20:21

OP, if you don't wish to receive gifts or cards from people who would like to show you their appreciation, then feel free to tell them not to - if you think that's OK and wouldn't be perceived as rude and ungrateful.

But please don't presume to speak for all teachers on this matter. We do not need you to appeal to parents on our behalf. In fact, I think the posts on this thread have shown your observations and experiences to be off-beam.

MrsPeterDoherty · 08/12/2011 20:30

I've never felt the need to give a teacher a gift. They are paid to do their job, after all. A card is sufficient.
I do a public sector job for the benefit of the community as a whole, and have never received so much as a thank you.

lifechanger · 08/12/2011 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cheeseandbiscuitsplease · 08/12/2011 20:57

I am a part time teacher and I love receiving gifts-they are often just a small token and many children love to come in with a little present. I obviously certainly do not expect them, chocolates, biscuits etc are usually kept at school and opened and shared amongst staff. My ds is 6 and has mild cerebral palsy he attends mainstream school and has a wonderful teacher and 2 ta's who support him with anything he needs help with. I always buy gifts at Christmas and at the end of the year as they do a fantastic job and I want to show my appreciation for everything they do. He is my prized possession and i hand him over to them every day knowing they are looking after him whilst he is away from home. I send daffodils at end of spring term, mini eggs at Easter and bought them a Halloween lolly from Thorntons Halloween weekend. It doesn't cost a lot and I just want to say thank you for looking after my boy. It's not because he has cerebral palsy either - a good teacher is worth their weight in gold in my eyes. Boots do fantastic three for two offers at Christmas so it doesn't cost me a lot. I also send a bottle of wine in for five dinner ladies. I start buying gifts from sept so it spreads the cost.

MrsPeterDoherty · 08/12/2011 21:02

Thanks Lifechanger Xmas Grin

TarquinGyrfalcon · 08/12/2011 21:05

I love getting cards from my class.

Lots of them give me gifts (which are much appreciated) but my greatest pleasure comes from seeing them bursting with excitement as they give a gift.

One girl once handed me a wrapped gift saying 'Miss, I chose and wrapped this vase all by myself'. She then gasped in horror at having given away the game, so I pretended I hadn't heard her with an 'oh sorry Ellie, I was so busy admiring the lovely wrappign paper I didn't hear what you said' - she was so relieved

Earlier in the week one of my last year pupils popped in to see me - I told him that the orchid he gave me in July was still in bloom and I enjoyed seeing it every morning when I opened my curtains. I met his mum today and she told me when he came hme that was the first thing he told her and he was delighted