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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask you not to buy Christmas presents for teachers.

562 replies

Crabapple99 · 08/12/2011 05:52

I have seen several threads on the topic, so want to give my point of view and experiences.

  1. Many staff are not allowed to accept a gift above a certain value ( £3 in my school) so these big gifts, especially class gifts, leave staff in a very difficult situation, causing all sorts of paperwork and recording, and leaving us open to accusations of favouratitsm from families, and other allegations
  1. Many staff don't want gifts, quite often the item is unwanted, even edibles, if the box is big, heavy, and we already have too much to eat over christams. It is also embarrassing to have to accept.
  1. Many staff worry about the reason for the gift, especially if it seems some pupils and their parents feel pressure to keep up: I've been given gifts in the past that when I know the family can't afford even a couple of pounds, it makes me feel terrible. I've had gifts in the past which I suspected were stolen, which makes me feel worse.
  1. I don't really think there is a problem with Christmas cards, but even then, as someone who could easiluy have 300 pupils on my timetable, even then that can get a bit overwelming, not to say meaningless.
  1. A very small token, such as one of those tiney boxes from thornton's with just two chocolates in, is a nice way of acknoledging when a teacher has really gone above and beond, for your child, but even that is unnessesary rreally.

Hope I'm not coming across as a scrooge! I love christams, but dread this aspect of it.

OP posts:
Animation · 08/12/2011 10:40

Well I'm not a spelling police type, but I must admit there's a lot of spelling mistakes in OP's post which makes me think she's not a teacher or being straight up. Xmas Confused

stellarpunk · 08/12/2011 10:41

Ahh now, my post was based on the assumption that the OP was actually a teacher.

I don't really think there is a problem with Christmas cards, but even then, as someone who could easiluy have 300 pupils on my timetable, even then that can get a bit overwelming, not to say meaningless.

Well, I have about 250 so you beat me OP. Oh... you're not actually a teacher are you?

In that case missus; you are a nob.

Take this Biscuit and carry on! (wow that was my first!)

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 08/12/2011 10:41

Teachers get wine and a donation to water aid ( the schools charity ) in the cheese household.

MABS · 08/12/2011 10:44

always buy them champagne to be honest, do agree OP is rather strange..

wheredidyoulastseeit · 08/12/2011 10:51

Maybe OP teaches patholugy Xmas Grin

Pippaandpolly · 08/12/2011 10:57

In a secondary school I don't usually get presents from parents of pupils I teach-sometimes a bottle of wine which is lovely-but quite often get them from the girls in my (boarding) house. I am always touched and they have ranged from very teeny chocolates to homemade decorations to extremely generous champagne or even-once!-a ticket to a fashion show. I never expect presents and I'm always grateful. Chocolates do sometimes get regifted because you can get a lot, but everything else gets kept/consumed. I do love that anything I get comes from my girls usually, rather than their parents, as I don't see parents regularly due to the girls mostly being boarders. The loveliest present I've ever received was when I went on maternity leave and a girl from my UVI made a miniature bookcase in DT especially for my baby's nursery. The UVI from that year also got together and made a big card that they all wrote messages in and signed

So OP please don't speak for all of us! My girls might not remember me in 10 years time, but it means the world that they are fond enough of me now to go to the effort of buying/making me a present at the end of the year.

TheOriginalFAB · 08/12/2011 10:57

I have just joined in to giving a joint present for 2 teachers and hope they will appreciate the time, thought and money that has been put in to the giving.

porcamiseria · 08/12/2011 10:58

NONE.OF.YOUR.BUSINESS

how very dare you !!!!!

FreakoidOrganisoid · 08/12/2011 11:00

Teachers get wine at christmas from us, if they don't want it and choose to donate it to the school for fete/raffle/open evening they are very welcome to.

TheOriginalFAB · 08/12/2011 11:02

OP - have the courage of your convictions and post the school you teach at so parents can save their money, No? Thought not.

witherhills · 08/12/2011 11:12

Having read the other 'virus' thread, I am very disturbed by crabapples attitude to schools and teaching and children in general.
The only explanation is that she works( not sure what capacity) with very underprivileged children, with parents that don't care and keep their children off school, thus inevitably leading to prolonged periods off school. These poor children also have teachers that don't give a shit, and throw the presents away. What doesn't fit with this scenario is the sweet children that buy the presents.

If the OP's opinions are based on experience of some horrible schools/parents/teachers then I'm sorry, but OP, that is not the norm.

empirestateofmind · 08/12/2011 11:37

wheredidyoulastseeit Grin Grin Grin

empirestateofmind · 08/12/2011 11:40

So OP are you a teacher or a 'patholugist'?

One minute you are pontificating about viruses but now you are pontificating about presents.

You come over as very dogmatic and uncaring on both threads.

Pandemoniaa · 08/12/2011 11:42

There might be 7 pages of foregoing which I should read and inwardly digest but I can't take seriously any "teacher" whose grasp of literacy is, frankly, so piss-poor.

I think if I read the word "Christams" once more, I may become a tad unreasonable myself.

soandsosmummy · 08/12/2011 11:49

YABU. Your description of the gift bin almost makes me sob. If you really don't want it, at the very least give it to charity.

My dd always puts some thought into what she wants to get her teachers as presents. Last year she insisted on buying them a bath bomb with confetti hearts in it from Lush and wrote a note which read "tis is for u becos i lik pink and harts say i luv u" (she was in her first term of reception).

The year before in her nursery class she noticed her teacher had long hair she always wore tied back so asked if we could choose her a pretty hair bobble with a flower on it and drew a picture of her teacher wearing it to go with it.

I think she'd be quite upset if I told her she could not get a present for her teacher because they wouldn't want it anyway

PrettyCandlesAndTinselToo · 08/12/2011 11:52

Doesn't anyone get a tripp-trappy feeling from this thread...?

Feenie · 08/12/2011 12:02

Ever so slightly, yy.

MABS · 08/12/2011 12:26

defo!

cubbie · 08/12/2011 13:39

I haven't read the whole thread, sorry, but I am a primary teacher and I must say that I like receiving presents, no matter how un-PC that may sound.

The children love giving you them and I always open them straight away, so they can see how delighted I am. It doesn't matter what it is, it is appreciated so much. I have a collection of cups in the staffroom which I use and always remember who gave them to me. A lot of the children have grown up now and have children of their own, if I bump into them, I always tell that I still use their cup and they are touched by this.

I even took one particular cup into hosp with me when I had my 2 dc, as I liked it so much and wanted a big cup for my tea. (Some bugger has either broken/lost or stolen it at the end of the summer term and I am really angry)

I once got a present from an absolute pest, she said she'd chosen and paid for it herself, it was a soap dish and soap. I told her how much I appreciated it and used it every year in my class. That's the kind of thing a teacher really treasures, she had given me a lot of grief and this was her way of trying to make it up to me.

I always tell my class that the best present they could ever give is good manners and good behaviour. I usually get things like chocolate, candles, smellies etc, occasionally wine. I very much appreciate every gift, though I don't for a minute xpect and I would never think less of a family who didn't give something.

My dc are at nursery and I'm looking forward to choosing something special for their teachers, as well as the ehad of the nursery. I often hand in boxes of chocs/ biscuits etc at Parents' Night etc, it's my way of showing how much I appreciate what they do. Yes, it's their job, but they do it well and care for my dc. My Mum bought DC1's teacher a bottle of gin at the end of term and thay got lovely Arran Aromatics presents from me.

I will also be buying my learning assistants someting, the secretary and auxiliary and jannie. Again, I look forward to it.

I've never come across a primary teacher who doesn't appreciate being given a gift.

Feenie · 08/12/2011 13:41

Me neither. And not one MN teacher has either. That alone makes it likely to be a big pile of hooey, imo.

Calabria · 08/12/2011 14:13

Too late. My seven year old has already given her gifts to her teachers.

lockets · 08/12/2011 14:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pinkhousesarebest · 08/12/2011 14:23

I have a big box filled with cards that my pupils have given me over the years. My dd loves looking at them, and I can still see their faces even though some of them are now 30 ish ( does the math on that... gulps a bit )

OrmIrian · 08/12/2011 14:27

Don't you bloody dare stop giving teacher's presents.

One of the parents at DH's school is convinced he loves real ale and gives him a couple of bottles every christmas. He doesn't. But I do!

Ditto chocolate.

Wink

May I suggest that you mind your own business OP. You sound like the most annoying kind of head prefect. No-one I know buys anything a great deal more expensive than a small box of chocolates, a scented candle of a bottle of something nice.

harrietlichman · 08/12/2011 14:50

I'm a teacher and I love getting gifts - I certainly don't think any less of those who don't want/can't afford to give, but really appreciate the things from those that do, and so do the other teachers in my school.