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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

is this rude or aibu?

122 replies

baubleybobbityhat · 07/12/2011 16:51

A parent (parent A) sends out a text, obviously to several people, asking if anyone can have their dd for a sleepover in a few weeks time so they can go out for the night.

One of the recipients (parent B) replies, immediately (because they just happened to have their phone in their hand when the text came through), and says yes, we would love to, we have been meaning to ask her for ages.

3 hours later, parent A hasn't responded to parent B to say thanks and confirm.

Parent A is waiting for a better offer - am I right?

And is that rude?

OP posts:

mumblechum1 · 07/12/2011 16:52

Not necessarily waiting for a better offer. I have my phone switched off for most of the day when I'm in work and certainly if I'm in court.

Even when it's on I often forget to check for texts for hours on end.

aldiwhore · 07/12/2011 16:54

Parent B could always pick up the phone and leave a message, and so could parent A.

I hate text conversations.

Sparklingbaubles · 07/12/2011 16:54

I agree with you baubley. She's waiting for all the replies then will let her DD choose.

Catsmamma · 07/12/2011 16:54

are you parent A or B?? ;)

I'd say it is early really, even if they have checked their phones folks are going to need to check when they get home that there are no other plans in the offing, this time of year is so busy.

TheFallenMadonna · 07/12/2011 16:55

If I were parent A, it would be because I was at work with my mobile switched off, or my phone was in my bag and I hadn't heard it (never try to contact me by text). I wouldn't assume there is anything sinister going on...

Groovee · 07/12/2011 16:55

I send texts in my lunch break and often cannot check my phone until 4 hours later as my phone is in my locker. Maybe the same has happened. I get stroppy texts from people at 8pm at night if I've gone to bed and not answered their first text. They can wait til morning or phone if it's that urgent.

Hassledge · 07/12/2011 16:57

Could just be dippiness on A's part. You're probably right, but it could just be A getting distracted by something.

DartsAgain · 07/12/2011 16:57

If I were parent A, it would be because at work our mobiles had to be switched off in the office. At other times, it would be because I am partly deaf and don't always hear the phone (and forget to check it too).

SandStorm · 07/12/2011 16:57

Parent B only replied immediate because she happened to have her phone in her hand. Parent A has probably put her phone away or left it in another room (something I do all the time at home) or has let the battery run down.

LaurieFairyCake · 07/12/2011 16:57

It wouldn't bother me, I'm not likely to take offence - though I would have texted to say thanks very much for the offer immediately I'd seen the text.

Catsdontcare · 07/12/2011 16:58

I think 3 hours is a bit soon to be calling them rude!

Original poster

baubleybobbityhat · 07/12/2011 17:01

Parent A's text was sent and Parent B's reply was sent within 3 minutes of each other. Phone could not have been too far away from Parent A. Parent A is waiting to see what other replies they get, for sure.

OP posts:

LRDtheFeministDragon · 07/12/2011 17:03

It's not rude. If you want to know, ring her.

Btw, if my phone has got full of texts and I don't notice, they bounce and often take a few hours to come through again once I've noticed and deleted things. There are all sorts of innocent reasons why she'd not have responded immediately.

Sparklingbaubles · 07/12/2011 17:03

I wouldn't sent a text to ask for a quite big favour knowing I wouldn't be able to check the replies for 3 hours. I still agree with baubley.

Original poster

baubleybobbityhat · 07/12/2011 17:03

Oh - and Aldiwhore - parent B replied by text because the question was asked by text. I believe that is the convention. Parent A wouldn't get on the phone to ask the initial question because that's not very time-efficient, to ring four or five people and have the same conversation with all of them. That's how we had to do it 20 years ago!

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 07/12/2011 17:05

Perhaps parent A needs to speak to their child

After all, they are the most important person in this arrangement.

Sparklingbaubles · 07/12/2011 17:05

I know some people who when you send them a text then ring you back.

Antidote · 07/12/2011 17:10

Surely parent A would just have replied privately to parent B, not gone clogging up everyone's inboxes?

That's what I would do (assuming I had access to the phone)

DougalDaydream · 07/12/2011 17:20

I sometimes use email or test when asking a favour of somebody simply because it doesn't put them on the spot, and they have time to think about my request before responding.

I think parent A just hasn't got aound to replying yet. I wouldn't assume she was being rude or waiting for a better offer. If there was someone in particular she had in mind for the sleepover, surely she would have just asked them first.

DougalDaydream · 07/12/2011 17:21

*text

SantasStrapon · 07/12/2011 17:24

I get texts a day late quite frequently. Parent A might simply have not received the reply yet. I agree with Dougal, if there was a pecking order, then first choice would have been asked first.

grumplestilskin · 07/12/2011 17:25

3 HOURS? bloody hell! I don't have my phone on at work and I work longer than 3 hours at a time, and shock horror, sometimes I go 3 hours without being glued to t'internet on my time off too

why do some people see texts and emails as instand communication, and how do you know they didnt move the conversation to phone/person/text.

I send "chore" or sometimes babysitting request texts in my 15 min breaks at work, because IMO its less rude than texting people when I get in at 10 at night! does that mean I'm being rude left right and centre by not sending the thank you texts till a sociable hour the next day

Sparklingbaubles · 07/12/2011 17:28

I have my phone on and with me all the time because it's the phone the schools use if they need to contact me WRT sickness/accidents. I appreciate not everyone does or can do this.

cat64 · 07/12/2011 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 07/12/2011 17:32

It depends, is Parent A a cliquey type that will ignore people if someone better comes along to talk to, and a bit of a social climber?

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