Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is this rude or aibu?

122 replies

baubleybobbityhat · 07/12/2011 16:51

A parent (parent A) sends out a text, obviously to several people, asking if anyone can have their dd for a sleepover in a few weeks time so they can go out for the night.

One of the recipients (parent B) replies, immediately (because they just happened to have their phone in their hand when the text came through), and says yes, we would love to, we have been meaning to ask her for ages.

3 hours later, parent A hasn't responded to parent B to say thanks and confirm.

Parent A is waiting for a better offer - am I right?

And is that rude?

OP posts:
redskyatnight · 07/12/2011 18:28

I think it's more rude to ask such a big favour by text than not reply instantly tbh.

If parent A has a "pecking order" of preferred parents her more logical course of action would have been to contact her first preference directly.

Tmesis · 07/12/2011 18:32

If I were Parent A and had sent out a text like that it's entirely conceivable that I'd have done it just before I went in somewhere and turned the phone off. In fact it's often the act of being about to turn my mobile off that reminds me that I meant to text someone so I do it and then go ahead with the turning-off.

Also I have no mobile reception at home so if I want to send a text I have to type it and then lean out of the window as far as I can to get it to send. A reply can be sent three seconds, three minutes or three hours later -- unless I am still hanging out of the window, or I've gone out, I won't be getting it.

Mind you, that is why I'd probably have emailed.

On the childcare priority front, your "I'd always accept the first offer" policy does seem to assume that looking after your child is a veritable treat and it's only fair to make all those clamouring to have her form an orderly queue so that you can manage demand. There are alternative points of view under which it would be more polite to, for example, accept the offer from someone you've done a favour for yourself recently rather than one from someone who had already done you lots of favours that you hadn't managed to pay back yet (I'm not saying I'd subscribe to that myself, or if I did I think I'd ask that person privately first before asking others, but I don't think it's a totally unreasonable point of view).

Original poster
baubleybobbityhat · 07/12/2011 18:34

Do you think, Chipping? Just gonna have a quick look back at threads I've started ...

OP posts:
SarahSlaughter · 07/12/2011 18:34

OP you have made a mountain out of an extremely small really, really tiny molehill!

I'm sure you are lovely (as evidenced by A requesting you to care for her precious DD) but read back your posts.. they do make you sound a little... well odd.

Someone asked a group of people if anyone could do her a favour, you replied (you have no idea if you were first) and you are now waiting for a reply. That's all that has happened.

Why are you getting so upset about it? I honestly don't understand!

Ihavewelliesbutitssunny · 07/12/2011 18:35

You say that Parent replied immediately but what if another Parent, lets call them Parent C also replied immediately. Then Parent A has a bit of a dilemma on his/her hands and its taking them a while to come to a conclusion? Look out for a thread entitled 'Help me choose which house to send my DD to for a sleepover?' With pros and cons for each option.

Tmesis · 07/12/2011 18:36

(also also, my phone gives the time of a text as the time it was received by the addressee's phone, not the time it was actually sent. So it would be hard to be positive about A's text being sent and replied to within three minutes -- it may have been received and replied to within three minutes but that's not the same thing.)

MrsKwaziipanFruits · 07/12/2011 18:40

Sounds like you're overthinking it all tbh. So many reasons why Parent A hasn't got back to you yet.

Original poster
baubleybobbityhat · 07/12/2011 18:41

But I am not in the least bit upset Sarah.

I am just asking aibu?

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 07/12/2011 18:41

Presumably you know this person well as she has asked you to look after her child? Do you actually like her - you don't sound as if you do.

Original poster
baubleybobbityhat · 07/12/2011 18:41

And not odd either ... Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
baubleybobbityhat · 07/12/2011 18:42

Valium - I don't know the parent at all well, my dd is friends with his dd.

OP posts:
Original poster
baubleybobbityhat · 07/12/2011 18:43

Anyway, que sera sera. I will update you.

OP posts:
Sparklingbaubles · 07/12/2011 18:43

baubley fellow over thinker here. I would have thought the same as you have. It appears it's just us though. Smile

Sudaname · 07/12/2011 18:58

YABU - chill ! - if no reply by tomo perhaps then start thinking all sorts Grin - and yes mumblechum I did wonder whether you were a hapless burgler who'd not learnt 'the art of not being seen' by your regular appearances in court Grin.

exoticfruits · 07/12/2011 19:08

It is sometimes the next day that I pick up something.

yellowraincoat · 07/12/2011 19:12

Second guessing is pointless. Maybe they're being rude, maybe they ran out of credit, maybe they turned their phone off, maybe they're waiting for a better offer, maybe they don't have signal, maybe they hate you. You could spend the rest of the evening thinking about it, or just not.

If something else comes up in the meantime that you have to do that evening, then you could think about it. Until then, I wouldn't give it a moment's thought.

warthog · 07/12/2011 19:16

yanbu

i would think the same.

lljkk · 07/12/2011 19:18

I would think Parent B has waaaay too much time on her hands (ditto).

Sparklingbaubles · 07/12/2011 19:20

I can over-think while doing all manner of other things. You don't need lots of time on your hands to think about stuff.

Original poster
baubleybobbityhat · 07/12/2011 19:41

Heh heh, honestly, the very last thing I have atm is time on my hands. Got enough time to post on Mumsnet though Xmas Wink.

OP posts:
Jajas · 07/12/2011 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
baubleybobbityhat · 07/12/2011 21:27

No reply yet. Mine was sent at lunchtime.

OP posts:
Original poster
baubleybobbityhat · 07/12/2011 21:28

Yes, it is very stupid and predictable insulting jajas, but since when have Mumsnetters worried about being insulting?

OP posts:
Hulababy · 07/12/2011 21:28

Not necessarily waiting for a better offer.

In my case it could well be that my phone didn't have reception - I often don't get reception at home for ages at a time.

ninah · 07/12/2011 21:35

parent B you can have my dc anytime!