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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is this rude or aibu?

122 replies

baubleybobbityhat · 07/12/2011 16:51

A parent (parent A) sends out a text, obviously to several people, asking if anyone can have their dd for a sleepover in a few weeks time so they can go out for the night.

One of the recipients (parent B) replies, immediately (because they just happened to have their phone in their hand when the text came through), and says yes, we would love to, we have been meaning to ask her for ages.

3 hours later, parent A hasn't responded to parent B to say thanks and confirm.

Parent A is waiting for a better offer - am I right?

And is that rude?

OP posts:
MrsDistinctlyMintyMonetarism · 07/12/2011 21:41

Mobiles can be weird though. I got a message from my friend on Saturday asking if I could pick up her children on Thursday.

I called her, and it turned out that she'd sent it on the Wednesday of the previous week. Xmas Confused

It can happen.

bigTillyMincepie · 07/12/2011 21:58

I think that a parent who send out a group text to people (including some they do not know very well) asking them to have their child for a sleepover would not think twice about waiting for the "best" offer.

However, if that person was a man, it could just be ineptitude that they have not yet repliedWink

starfishmummy · 07/12/2011 23:39

Maybe parent c replied more quickly?

QOD · 07/12/2011 23:46

still no reply?

UnexpectedOrange · 07/12/2011 23:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

1Catherine1 · 07/12/2011 23:51

Hmm... I have on occasion sent out a text message and then left the room and found the reply to my text message which was sent within minutes the next day. Especially since my phone is usually on silent due to work.

I would phone them or text again tomorrow though, as tbh some people don't think that they need to confirm or even thank you.

AgnesBligg · 08/12/2011 00:13

Parent A is rude. As you were sent the text why would there be better offers as it were, since if you had a hierarchy of preferred offers you would surely go down that list, ergo fancy having my dc at yours for sleepover while I go out and enjoy myself? How rude not to reply to parents you have asked.

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 08/12/2011 01:42

I think he probably sent a text to his wife, after he sent the text out, and he's still getting an ear bashing for having done it Grin

MayaAngelCool · 08/12/2011 02:06

Have only read a few posts, but I think the OP's statement sounds self-absorbed. The parent could have suddenly had an emergency to deal with or had any manner of urgent issues to attend to. There are no rules which state that you must be enslaved by your technology.

I hate it when people assume that if you have a phone/ email address you must be at their beck and call and that you are not entitled to decide your own priorities at any given time.

YABVU, and (until you know why your friend hasn't got back to you) presumptuous, and rude.

MrsMuddyPuddles · 08/12/2011 08:09

What MrsDistinctly says, especially if either person uses O2. I hope it's not the "waiting for a better offer " scenario, but until you hear back, YABU.

PontyMython · 08/12/2011 08:23

I think it's quite rude and a bit daft to send a group text asking for childcare. It just seems unnecessary. Assuming at least one person says yes it's bothering all the other people for no reason, and you'd then have to send another text saying "actually, never mind..."

I'd rather ask one at a time, in non-urgent situations (as this seems to be) - whether by

PontyMython · 08/12/2011 08:24

*phone or text.

Original poster
baubleybobbityhat · 08/12/2011 09:36

PMSL @ Maya! Surely it is presumptious and rude to base a snotty reply like yours on just my op Grin. I don't know if you put me in this category "I hate it when people assume that if you have a phone/ email address you must be at their beck and call and that you are not entitled to decide your own priorities at any given time." but let me assure you that I am the complete opposite of the type of person you describe here. I just happen to think a quick reply was called for on this occasion, so infact ianbvu.

Parent A is a single parent. He has not yet replied so am going to nudge him.

OP posts:
Whatmeworry · 08/12/2011 09:39

You probably didn't bid enough OP. Up your offer to having her plus a trip to McDonalds :o

warthog · 08/12/2011 12:04

i would not nudge. i would be tempted to be passive aggressive and make other plans. then when he gets back (eventually) say 'oh sorry, since i didn't hear from you i've unfortunately been booked up for something else now.'

next time he'll be a bit more responsive. but i probably wouldn't actually DO that. i'd just wish i did. and then if i actually did it, i'd be wracked with guilt for YEARS and require therapy.

bejeezus · 08/12/2011 12:06

Wow! No, parent a is not rude. Parent b is a drama queen; and should not offer to do favours for people to then berate them behind their back for not conforming to their own, very strange, rules of engagement.

wahwahwah · 08/12/2011 12:23

So what happened in the end?

SarahBumBarer · 08/12/2011 12:30

Parent B did not offer to do a favour though.

Parent B agreed to do a favour at parent A's request for and parent A has not even acknowledged that. I think that is a bit ungracious and if I was going to send a text such as that sent by Parent A, I would do it at a time when I would be able to respond to any swift replies. I guess I'm just freakishly courteous Confused

Original poster
baubleybobbityhat · 08/12/2011 17:57

I just sent a text just saying "hi, did you get my message, any good to you?". Sent it at 9.30 this morning - no reply.

So now what do you think beejezus?

OP posts:
HecklerNotKoch · 08/12/2011 18:16

you are texting wrong number Grin

1Catherine1 · 08/12/2011 18:51

well... see now you have a problem...

If you had chosen to phone him to check up then you would have an answer right now. But since you choose to text you now have to continue waiting as to phone too might seem like you are a little nuts... imo anyway.

bejeezus · 08/12/2011 19:02

I think you should stop relying on text as the only means of communication, stop jumping to conclusions, stop getting your knickers in such a knot and just phone the man

Original poster
baubleybobbityhat · 08/12/2011 19:50

So there's no such thing as textiquette then?

I feel a new thread coming on ...

OP posts:
MayaAngelCool · 08/12/2011 20:10

OP: "AIBU?"
Reply: "Well, yes, you are!"
OP: "No, I'm not! I'm not, I'm not, I'm not!"

Chortle! Classic MN routine!

Arf arf at drama queen! Grin

bejeezus · 08/12/2011 20:13

There isn't in my world

Me, and my friends use texts for communicating/ arranging cuz its quick and wrong are all busy with work and kids AND because its unobtrusive and not straight away. If there was any misunderstandings, there would always be a telephone call or face to face. I can go days without replying to a text. And if a friend didn't reply ti a text, I would assume they were busy/had forgotten/ didn't get text and I would phone them to see if everything was ok.

The problem comes if you are communicating with some one who uses text in a different way to the way you do. Which is why you need to phone him. Or not.