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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is this rude or aibu?

122 replies

baubleybobbityhat · 07/12/2011 16:51

A parent (parent A) sends out a text, obviously to several people, asking if anyone can have their dd for a sleepover in a few weeks time so they can go out for the night.

One of the recipients (parent B) replies, immediately (because they just happened to have their phone in their hand when the text came through), and says yes, we would love to, we have been meaning to ask her for ages.

3 hours later, parent A hasn't responded to parent B to say thanks and confirm.

Parent A is waiting for a better offer - am I right?

And is that rude?

OP posts:
CalmaLlamaDown · 07/12/2011 17:38

Parent A was probably not expecting an immediate reply so hasn't checked phone yet

SandStorm · 07/12/2011 17:40

I can put quite a distance between me and my phone in three minutes.

SarahSlaughter · 07/12/2011 17:43

OP I think you're being a wee bit harsh. I'm assuming you're Parent B? If I were A and busy I'd probably just think oh great, I'll give B a call in a minute to make arrangement and then get distracted.

Alternatively two or three texts came in at the same time and she's giving her dd the choice... It could even be that you are the better option. Someone else replied faster but she tjimks her dd would prefer you and is waiting to check.

Original poster
baubleybobbityhat · 07/12/2011 17:47

I actually don't think you do give your child the choice in these particular circumstances. Someone has offered to do the parents a favour, its not really any of the child's business!

OP posts:
ChippingInNeedsSleep · 07/12/2011 17:48

Bibbity - I can walk a long way in 3 minutes and don't always take my phone. If you particularly want to have her DD just phone her. Also, don't assume your text got through, many many texts go MIA.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 07/12/2011 17:48

Also I think it's a bit cheeky of Parent A to expect other parents to have her child overnight so she can go out.

TheFallenMadonna · 07/12/2011 17:50

Parent B is overthinking it...

slavetofilofax · 07/12/2011 17:52

You are parent B then right? Otherwise how would you know that the text hasn't been replied to privately? Unless you are being particularly nosey and getting involved in something that is none of your business.

You are obviously convinced that A is waiting for a better offer, so text and say that you checked with dh and will have to withdraw your offer.

DeWe · 07/12/2011 17:53

In my house the reception is patchy so I could well send a text and move very slightly in the house and no longer have a signal.

TeWiharaMeriKirihimete · 07/12/2011 18:02

I am a bit Confused that you won't accept any of the perfectly valid reasons offered here.

I'm another one with hearing problems, chatting about it at the school gate, loads of the mums do and none of us can hear our phones very well.

Even if she is waiting to consult her child, so what? Maybe she got multiple immediate replies, why should say yes to parent B instead of checking with her DC whether she'd rather go to parent C, D or E?

valiumredhead · 07/12/2011 18:08

Prime example of why texting is crap and you should pick up the phone and TALK.

Original poster
baubleybobbityhat · 07/12/2011 18:10

"why should say yes to parent B instead of checking with her DC whether she'd rather go to parent C, D or E?"

Well this is the part that is, imo, potentially rude.

Obviously it is not rude to not reply to a text immediately, although I could make an argument for it being rude in this particular case.

But if Parent A does not accept Parent B's offer simply because it was the first one made, then it would be staggeringly rude - can you seriously not see that?

Parent A would have to go back to Parent B and say "Sorry, I know I asked you a favour and you offered to do it for me, but dd has chosen to go to Parent C's house instead. Ciao!"

AWFUL manners.

There have been times when I've had to call in a favour wrt childcare and I would always accept the first offer I received if I sent out a text to several people.

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 07/12/2011 18:11

That would be rude. But that's not what's happened.

KittyFane · 07/12/2011 18:12

I doubt that parent B eould have received the request along with the others if parent A didn't really want her DD to go and stay.
However, could parent B send another text and withdraw the offer if she has feeling that things are not quite right.
A second text saying "oh, so sorry parent A, I replied too soon, I can't help out after all" would do the trick.

Jajas · 07/12/2011 18:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 07/12/2011 18:13

I actually don't think you do give your child the choice in these particular circumstances. Someone has offered to do the parents a favour, its not really any of the child's business!

Of course it's the child's business if they're being sent to sleep at someone's house and they have a preference.

It's quite possible the child wants to stay at a certain person's house so the Mother is waiting to hear from them.

I'm not saying it makes the situation right by the way, and it's still rude but I still think it's the child's business as they are the most important person in this arrangement.

Original poster
baubleybobbityhat · 07/12/2011 18:14

As I said, I suspect that's what has happened but we will wait and see ...

OP posts:
wahwahwah · 07/12/2011 18:15

Mumblechum... Are you A BURGLER? Is that why you are in court so much?

Original poster
baubleybobbityhat · 07/12/2011 18:16

Disagree that the child is the most important person in this arrangement! I just don't buy that at all. This is not a sleepover being arranged for the child's benefit - it is for parent A's benefit. Child just needs to do as she is asked on this occasion. Imvho.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 07/12/2011 18:20

Kids are people though, not possessions.

I'm hoping the Mother wants her child to feel happy and settled if she's going to have to spend the night in another person's home.

So perhaps the Mother shares my view that the child is the most important person in this arrangement.

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 07/12/2011 18:20

Bibbity - Wine you really do get wound up about things, it's not good for you!

Hullygully · 07/12/2011 18:22

yeah, chill

TeWiharaMeriKirihimete · 07/12/2011 18:22

You say the space between messages was 3 minutes. Why are you assuming YOU got in first?

3 minutes is long enough for other people have replied first.

mumblechum1 · 07/12/2011 18:24

wahwah of course Wink

EnjoyResponsiblyIfSleighFlying · 07/12/2011 18:25

I would think Parent B has waaaay too much time on her hands Xmas Smile