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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed ith the school - how many times can you penalise a child for poor attendance

270 replies

654321 · 06/12/2011 20:23

There are mixed opinions about taking your kids out of school, and we made a choice to take DS out of school for 5 days in total.....these were treated as unauthorised absence. Now bearing in mind that since reception DS's attendance has always been in the high 90's (around 98%) Im not typically a parent that takes non attendance lightly...and there were genuine non financial reasons for not taking holidays during the appropriate holidays - but I also accept that no one twisted my arm to go on holiday.

DS did not qualify for the xmas treat - day trip to the panto because of his attendance - which he accepted as he knew we had been away on holiday and got to do things whist other kids were in school - however now he has been told in addition to that he cannot attend the end of year christmas disco...

How many things can they disqualify him from - he is being punished for something that was technically my choice. It seems that the message is that anything nice coming up he wont be able to do because of his attendance - it just seems to be labouring the point at the expense of the child...DS is 12YO btw :)

OP posts:

Triggles · 07/12/2011 17:45

The reasons are pretty basic common sense. It's disruptive to have students off during the school term. Honestly, how difficult is that to understand?

beginning to wonder if MN should have a "head banging against brick wall" smiley....

poppercondria · 07/12/2011 17:46

Juuule, the reason for the rule is that absences will bring down the Ofsted score. The school is putting its needs first, and the child's last.

juuule · 07/12/2011 17:48

I agree with you poppercondria

Triggles · 07/12/2011 18:08

of course... because it's not detrimental at all for a student to miss classes ...

as you were...

Original poster

654321 · 07/12/2011 18:36

Gosh - 8 pages, that HAS to be a record for me....Thank you all for your posts/ comments..I had an email from the year head today, his attendance had been reviewed following my email yesterday. He was at 93% with no lates :)

She agreed that in this instance he could attend the disco and brought DS a ticket for the disco today -which he politely declined as he had football training for an important game on Saturday and didn't want to let the manager or the team down....

When I asked him had he really wanted to go, he said if course I did but the thing was he had felt embarrassed at being not invited in the first place and felt that the invite was now out of sympathy....and he thought training was more important.

Can I just add that those who thought I might be heading for a breakdown and needed a holiday - it wasnt that dramatic - I had however had no opportunity during the summer hols to spend time with the kids and felt like I owed it to them and myself to spend some quality time with them to make up for all the time I missed in the summer when they got fobbed off with child minders

OP posts:

tethersjinglebellend · 07/12/2011 18:51

"The reasons are pretty basic common sense. It's disruptive to have students off during the school term. Honestly, how difficult is that to understand?"

Then why not punish those responsible for keeping students off during the school term instead of the students? How difficult is that to understand?

Triggles · 07/12/2011 18:56

Because as the OP has ably demonstrated, the main punishment they have is a fine, and that's not a deterrent to her. And she KNEW it would involve him missing an activity, and still chose to go. So that was HER choice to allow her son to pay the consequence.

OP has once again stated it was not urgent that she go on holiday then. She has reiterated that she simply wanted time with her children. Well, bully. Lots of people want quality time with their children that may not have gotten it during summer holidays. So you schedule it around the next school holidays. OP was irresponsible and blew off the rules, and then got annoyed over the fact that there were consequences. Life's tough hey.

tethersjinglebellend · 07/12/2011 19:16

"Because as the OP has ably demonstrated, the main punishment they have is a fine, and that's not a deterrent to her."

Then find another one.

Leaving the OP aside, parents make shit decisions about their children every day. I have taught children who were kept off school to care for younger siblings, to clean the house, or to wait around whilst their mum woke up from a drunken stupor. Does this make it more or less appropriate for these children to be punished for their poor attendance?

Regardless of the parents' intention in keeping their child away from school, it is theirs and not their child's decision.

Children should be rewarded and punished for the things that they, not their parents do.

Triggles · 07/12/2011 19:32

you obviously are rather caught up in this. Nothing I say will make you see sense, so I'm not going to continue to argue with you. It's not my job to come up with more appropriate punishments.

As I said, the OP made a poor choice, going against school rules, and was annoyed over the consequences. Oh well. She was BU, just didn't want to hear it. Perhaps if she doesn't want to have to worry about this type of thing in future, she will deign to follow the rules that everyone else is expected to follow and not take her children out during term time. Doubt it though. Doesn't seem like she's learned anything, she still thinks she was reasonable.

CuriousMama · 07/12/2011 19:48

this is still going.

Really glad your ds has good attendance. He sounds very mature you should be proud of him Can totally understand why you took the time off. I know parents who never see their dcs, have them in bed really early after picking them up from CM or nursery and when on holiday put them in every club going It's nice to hear you were so keen to spend time with your family.

GnomeDePlume · 07/12/2011 19:52

Am I the only one to have DCs who would think that not going on the panto trip was a blessed relief?

tethersjinglebellend · 07/12/2011 19:52

I do feel strongly about this, Triggles- or, as you so patronisingly put it 'am rather caught up in this' (as opposed to you, who is clearly posting on a thread on the internet about a subject you have but a passing interest in, eh? )

There is one thing you could say which would make me agree with you. You could explain to me how it is ever appropriate to punish or reward a child for the actions of its parent. Then I'll 'see sense'

I am beginning to think you don't understand any of the objections to attendance awards at all. Is that the case?

654321 · 07/12/2011 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Triggles · 07/12/2011 20:02

a knob? because you posted in AIBU and I didn't agree with you? pmsl ... yeah, okay... if you can't handle AIBU, don't post here... well, at least it's of the highest order.

Original poster

654321 · 07/12/2011 20:14

I can handle aibu, you really need to learn to read my op, I don't have a problem with cause and effect, my problem is extending that effect...

If you are going to be constructive please read the posts, otherwise jog on :) there's a love..

OP posts:

Whatmeworry · 07/12/2011 22:15

I had however had no opportunity during the summer hols to spend time with the kids and felt like I owed it to them and myself to spend some quality time with them to make up for all the time I missed in the summer when they got fobbed off with child minders

So you took them out of school in term time "to spend quality time" and are now upset that the school is not happy? Interesting point of view.....

MushroomMagee · 07/12/2011 22:23

I think that only saying he couldn't attend the disco after he'd already had the holiday is a bit off. It makes it more like retribution than a deterrent, if you're not warned about it before hand then its not going to make any one change their minds about taking holidays!

Does this happen every year or is it a new policy? Is it just happening this year or will it be happening from now onwards? If so will they be writing it up as an official policy accessible to all?
I would take that up with the school actually.

poppercondria · 08/12/2011 10:24

Oh, the ruuuuuuuuuuuules. Someone broke the ruuuuuuuuules. Quick, quick! Kick her and her child, too!

OP, glad your DS is reasonably happy with the outcome.

Tethers, good luck with battling this one.

Trig, come here and let me whisper you a secret: there are many occasions on which it is more benefitional for a child to miss school than to attend. And to think you've made it all this way without realising that. Snort.

MorelliOrRanger · 08/12/2011 10:42

This subject really gets my bloody goat.

My DD is in reception, we took her out of school for 5 days and they did authorise them, but I was told in no uncertain terms, they don't like you taking term time holiday.

The thing that pissed me off more was the fact that actually legally my DD doesn't even bloody have to be there til next September due to when her birthday falls.

I did explain to them that the week we took is the week we will always take so next year will be the same as will subsequent years.

If the school start on about DD missing treats etc they will get the wrath of Morelli. It's not DD's fault if we decide to take her out of school.

I am sick of being dictated to by the state. My daughter, my choice. And I'm probably being unreasonable but I don't give a toss.

Wow - I feel better for that little rant

Floggingmolly · 08/12/2011 10:52

Morelli. It's amazing how often this old chestnut gets trotted out.
You don't legally have to register your dd until she turns 5, but if you choose to accept a school place at 4 she is bound by the same rules and regulations as the rest of them.

Ipomegranate · 08/12/2011 11:07

Morello - my DS missed his first week of full time school at age 4 - I got the dates wrong :o . I can report that it's had no detrimental effect on his long term education at all. He's now 11 and remembers neither the holiday nor what he learned in reception. We regularly took them out of school term time if need be in Oz, no-one batted an eyelid and again it doesn't seem to have effected their achievement.

If I disagree with a discipline the school metes out to my child as a consequence of my decision as a parent I simply write to them perfectly politely and explain for e.g DS once got very stressed about HW and I refused to let him get up at 6am to finish something, I sent a note to his teacher saying he was stressed and I hadn't allowed him to get up early to finish it therefore did not expect him to be penalized in any way for something that was my decision as a parent, I also invite them to phone me to discuss if they'd like to - they never do!

Whatmeworry · 08/12/2011 11:10

let me whisper you a secret: there are many occasions on which it is more benefitional for a child to miss school than to attend.

You absolutely have the right to take kids out of school against the schools wishes, but the school absolutely has the right to mete out penalties against your wishes.

Actions, consequences, that sort of thing.....

Esta3GG · 08/12/2011 11:13

Children should be rewarded and punished for the things that they, not their parents do

What Tethers said.
Surely nobody can argue with that FFS!

porcamiseria · 08/12/2011 11:13

tough shit , sorry! actions have consequences

Ipomegranate · 08/12/2011 11:17

Porcamiseria - yeah but the consequence should surely be on the person who took the action, in this case the parent, not the child.

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