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Original poster

to be annoyed ith the school - how many times can you penalise a child for poor attendance

270 replies

654321 · 06/12/2011 20:23

There are mixed opinions about taking your kids out of school, and we made a choice to take DS out of school for 5 days in total.....these were treated as unauthorised absence. Now bearing in mind that since reception DS's attendance has always been in the high 90's (around 98%) Im not typically a parent that takes non attendance lightly...and there were genuine non financial reasons for not taking holidays during the appropriate holidays - but I also accept that no one twisted my arm to go on holiday.

DS did not qualify for the xmas treat - day trip to the panto because of his attendance - which he accepted as he knew we had been away on holiday and got to do things whist other kids were in school - however now he has been told in addition to that he cannot attend the end of year christmas disco...

How many things can they disqualify him from - he is being punished for something that was technically my choice. It seems that the message is that anything nice coming up he wont be able to do because of his attendance - it just seems to be labouring the point at the expense of the child...DS is 12YO btw :)

OP posts:
ElaineReese · 08/12/2011 16:01

The child in this case doesn't seem too bothered anyway - it's his mother who's upset!

Cherriesarelovely · 08/12/2011 16:01

How about introducing a similar incentive for the teachers at the school? How well do you think that would be received?

Cherriesarelovely · 08/12/2011 16:02

commended for what Elaine? Not being ill?! Lucky them!

tethersjinglebellend · 08/12/2011 16:02

"It is saying, if you don't need to be off and it's within your control, don't be off."

How is a 5 or 7 year old's attendance within their control? Confused

Those 5 and 7 year olds who 'manage the not unconsiderable feat of showing up every day', manage it by being brought to school by somebody else. I'm not sure why they are being rewarded for that.

By the same token those who 'cannot manage it' cannot manage it because their parents are managing it for them.

tethersjinglebellend · 08/12/2011 16:03

"And yes, those kids do form a minority, but there's nothing wrong with making it clear that that is a rubbish attitude!"

There is when it penalises and marginalises other children. Which this system does.

ElaineReese · 08/12/2011 16:13

As I say: I think two trips is a bit much. But an attitude of going to school and getting on with it is a good thing.

And we're talking about 12 year olds, not 5 and 7 year olds, aren't we? And Tethers, that is why, if you notice, I said if it is within your control.

It isn't penalising them, it's rewarding those who made it in every day. Which should be done in a less over-stated way, I agree - but I doubt they are 'marginalised' - do the vast majority get full attendance?

Honestly, there are kids who just sack off, pull a sicky, decide they need a 'duvet day' - yes, that's not everyone who's ever been off, but it's a crap attitude and commending those who don't ever do it is no bad thing. My daughter has said it's not fair we make her go in before she has a dental appointment rather than taking the whole mornning because many do do that ... not giving into that stuff is a good thing, in my opinion. If school backs it up by saying 'we think attendance is important, well done for having been here', I can't see that as a bad thing.

HecklerNotKoch · 08/12/2011 16:15

cba to read the whole saga

but will it make you think twice about doing the same thing again OP?

ElaineReese · 08/12/2011 16:25

Oh and I would also say that going in and asking what the child going on holiday will be missing is missing the point and very annoying. What are you going to do if the maths teachers says 'ah we will be starting on sirds that week, so please do that at home' and the French teacher says 'oh, that's subjunctive week, bring him back having mastered it'.... it's either that or you expect a detailed lesson plan written up just for you with layman's tips on how you can work through it.

If you miss it, you miss it, really.

tethersjinglebellend · 08/12/2011 16:32

The OP's son is 12, but I did state earlier that my objections are mainly to children of primary school age being subject to these type of awards, as they have no control over their attendance.

I disagree with attendance awards for any age, but at least older children (say 13+) are more in control of their own attendance, so there is a tiny amount of reasoning there.

"Honestly, there are kids who just sack off, pull a sicky, decide they need a 'duvet day' - yes, that's not everyone who's ever been off, but it's a crap attitude and commending those who don't ever do it is no bad thing."

The problem is that the kids who never, ever do this are not being rewarded for their stoicism due to medical conditions, falling ill or being on the receiving end of poor parenting. If the intention of the awards was to reward these children, then they have failed.

tethersjinglebellend · 08/12/2011 16:35

I am not in favour of term-time holidays (although I am not against the either); the point is that the decision to take such a holiday is out of the child's hands.

Annpan88 · 08/12/2011 16:40

Haven't read the whole thread (very long- but I will) but I wanted to say it seems bonkers for so many reasons.

Your son had accepted that there were consequences to missing school and missed the pantomine. Job done. (However I still don't agree that he should of been punished at all)

And I worry about the sort of person who would condone and excuse punishing a child to make sure the parent follows the rules. Bonkers. There may be no way to punish the parent. Get over it. Very petty behaviour IMO.

If you are happy for your child to take 5 days of school, and assuming you are deemed to be a adequate parent and believe that there were no terrible effects to his education, then, IMO, that should be that. At 12, 5 days of school, for various reasons, if its not a regular thing, is just something that happens from time to time and the boy should not suffer ongoing punishment.

Rant over Grin will read rest of thread when finished preparing dinner... (Sorry for typos am on phone and rushing)

Kladdkaka · 08/12/2011 17:06

I'm really surprised that anyone would think this kind of scheme is a good idea bearing in mind that all it will take is one parent of a child with a disability to complain to the Equalities Commission and the school will then be up shit creek without a paddle. The Commission's own guidance on what constitutes unlawful discrimination actually gives the use of attendance records to negatively impact the individual involved as an example of indirect discrimination. The schools doing this must have money to throw away.

Original poster
654321 · 08/12/2011 19:59

Ok things are getting a little mist...just to recap for those struggling to read the whole thread

DS missed 5 days of school - the last 5 days before half term
He didnt qualify for the panto trip (within school time) at the end of this term which we accepted and understood was a reward for good attendance (usually abtou 95%+)
Then a christmas party was arranged at the end of November at which I had agreed to help - during the arranging of this at no time was it mentioned that good attendance would bbe a pre requisite to being allowed to attend this school disco (outside of school time)
I questioned this with his year head who checked his attendance which is now 93%
She then said he could go
DS then said he thought his footie training was more important
I am still hepling with the disco btw - as I promised i would :)
I arranged the holiday during school time (rightly or wrongly) because I wanted some good time with my kids - you only get one go at being a mother and I had spent all summer slogging my guts out trying to keep a job for both me and others within our firm - knowing that I would have the luxury of a couple of weeks with just me and the kids and DP (it is what kept me going) - and tbh if you think that that is selfish then you have missed to whole point of being a parent, and working for a living...we work hard to pay for things and do nice things with our families.....

I dont think tough shoite i cant take my kids out of school i'll just work all summer and then say Oh sorry kids but we cant now have time together - I will say come on kids lets go and have fun this is your time now and We will all be together - not "hang school" as Im always drumming home how important education is - I think some of you are seriously missing the whole picture....well you can keep your blinkers on if you want

The ironic think is..the school bleats on about attendance and yet treats good attnedacne with a trip out of school!!! how hypocritical is that....I treated my kids for bearing with me all summer whilst I was working - by having a lovley time with them. Life is about enjoying your family, being happy, respecful and fair.....

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 08/12/2011 20:38

Surely you aren't going to stand by and allow this to happen? I fucking wouldn't. Especially if it was MY fault. Which it is yours.

FabbyChic · 08/12/2011 20:40

Life is also about living within the rules, within the constraints of what is expected, it is expected that parents do not take their kids out of school time for holidays, there are plenty of days holiday they get, you were selfish now your son suffers. Nice.

Original poster
654321 · 08/12/2011 20:43
OP posts:
LoonyRationalist · 08/12/2011 21:02

I agreed with you right up to the point where your son refused the disco ticket. I think it was incredibly rude and you seem pleased about him snubbing the school when they admitted they had made a mistake. If the disco wasn't important to him then your making such a fuss just makes you look ridiculous.

I expect the teacher is now (quite rightly) furious. You have handled this very badly.

Original poster
654321 · 08/12/2011 22:07

Im never going to do everything right am I....I dont think I have handled this very badly at all...should I now force him to go to a disco that he wasnt initially invited to go to...he has made a decision to go to football training...a team thing that he doesnt want to let down - his choice.

I think the school has handled this badly not me - and no the teacher isnt furious, I spoke to her earlier today.

The disco was never important, it was the principal (sp) of making additional consequence for what was deemed poor attendance...My question to the teacher wasnt in demanding a ticket to the disco, it was merely making the point that you can by all means reward for good attendance but please dont keep penalising for alleged poor attendance.......as many mnetters have understood to penalise a child for an adults choice is grossly unfair.....

Infact what is the annoying thing is that when the records were checked his attendance is infact 93% which is quite good - the only absence as due to this holiday, and no lates for school - she admitted in hindsight he would have qualified for a ticket!

OP posts:
clam · 08/12/2011 22:17

I'd be interested to know how many children are actually going to be attending this disco if it's only for those with 100% attendance.

Floggingmolly · 08/12/2011 22:30

Of course you shouldn't force him to go to a disco that he has no interest in going to;

you shouldn't have had a (public) hissy fit about a disco he had no interest in going to. Is your life lacking in drama, by any chance?
Let's hope you never have any real problems with the school, because they will never take you seriously again.

MorelliOrRanger · 08/12/2011 22:38

There was never all this problem when I was at school. Parents could take their children on holiday when they wanted.

It never did us any harm, we're both bright, well adjusted adults.

Sigh

hermionestranger · 08/12/2011 23:14

Life is full of rules. That's true, but sometimes those rules are just plain nonsense, punishing a child for a Parents action? how can that ever be justified?

Quality family time is just as important as education if you are hoping to produce well adjusted future adults and travel broadens horizons far more than just reading about it does.

PigletJohn · 09/12/2011 00:05

"these were treated as unauthorised absence"

Treated?

Original poster
654321 · 09/12/2011 06:08

floggingmolly - you really have no idea - here was my public (hissy) fit...I merely asked if it was unreasonable -

If you want to go and kick someone with your stupid words take it to another thread...this point Im making, I feel, is valid and important.

My life has more drama in one week than probably you have had in your life :) (Im being sarcastic befroe you jump down my throat) - but that is a whole other thread I choose not to have a hissy fit about

So - no need for your negative comment, thankyou

OP posts:
Whatmeworry · 09/12/2011 07:07

If you want to go and kick someone with your stupid words take it to another thread...this point Im making, I feel, is valid and important. My life has more drama in one week than probably you have had in your life (Im being sarcastic befroe you jump down my throat) - but that is a whole other thread I choose not to have a hissy fit about. So - no need for your negative comment, thank you

But why put all this on AIBU? You clearly think you are totally right in all you have done, you dont like people to disagree with you, and then tell them to bugger off when they do.