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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed ith the school - how many times can you penalise a child for poor attendance

270 replies

654321 · 06/12/2011 20:23

There are mixed opinions about taking your kids out of school, and we made a choice to take DS out of school for 5 days in total.....these were treated as unauthorised absence. Now bearing in mind that since reception DS's attendance has always been in the high 90's (around 98%) Im not typically a parent that takes non attendance lightly...and there were genuine non financial reasons for not taking holidays during the appropriate holidays - but I also accept that no one twisted my arm to go on holiday.

DS did not qualify for the xmas treat - day trip to the panto because of his attendance - which he accepted as he knew we had been away on holiday and got to do things whist other kids were in school - however now he has been told in addition to that he cannot attend the end of year christmas disco...

How many things can they disqualify him from - he is being punished for something that was technically my choice. It seems that the message is that anything nice coming up he wont be able to do because of his attendance - it just seems to be labouring the point at the expense of the child...DS is 12YO btw :)

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 06/12/2011 20:26

Well really it's you who stopped him by going ahead with the holiday even though the school refused to authorise it.

However, as he's not old enough to independently stay home alone, they should have fined you instead as it's not his fault you didn't send him in.

hwjm1945 · 06/12/2011 20:28

were you warned that both would be unavailable to him? If not, if you only knew about the pato, seems very unfair - whn will the punishment end???????/ Also, it is unfair to punsih child fr what is in effect parents' decision, "no punishment without crime" is a good maxim whihc would seem to have been breached here.

Original poster
654321 · 06/12/2011 20:28

Worraliberty - that is exactly my arguement..it isnt his fault and I ould happily pay any fine, unless they think that in doing this DS may try and discourage me from booking any future holidays....

Although he isnt balling his eyes out into his pillow I just think that is is sad and the school have the wrong perspective iykwim

OP posts:
GetDownNesbitt · 06/12/2011 20:30

We do this - end of term rewards are based on a combination of behaviour and attendance. Anyone with less than 90 - 92% attendance has little chance of taking part. It can be a shame for kids if it is down to a bout of prolonged illness, but a holiday is an avoidable absence.

countrybump · 06/12/2011 20:30

YANBU. I don't think a child should be excluded from anything because of attendance, as surely this is outside of their control when they are 12 YO?

The only time I think this would be acceptable is if you and the school had agreed to removing these 'treats' as a strategy for dealing with truancy, which isn't the case here.

I really don't understand why these 'treats' have been withdrawn for this.

Original poster
654321 · 06/12/2011 20:30

No we wernt warned about the party ( I know because I was in the process of helping arrange it!!!!)

Im a very active, helpful parent in the school.

Im aware that there are incentives for good attendance, such as end of term trips - but the disco was only arranged about a month ago

OP posts:
GetDownNesbitt · 06/12/2011 20:32

It always hits worst in the autumn term, because even a small number of days can make a relatively large % of overall attendance. By the spring and summer it evens out a bit.

IneedAChristmasNickname · 06/12/2011 20:32

I don't think children should be punished for poor attendance (or at least I don't think I do). If they are absent due to holiday, then that is down to the parents (unless they are old enough to stay home alone). And if they are absent due to illness, then that is hardly their fault either is it! Surely people should only be punished for things they meant to do wrong, iyswim.

Original poster
654321 · 06/12/2011 20:32

getdownesbit...I do agree with you, but my question is - where does the exclusion from activities end? especially extra curricular, which this school disco is -

OP posts:
MaureenMLove · 06/12/2011 20:32

Perhaps they are trying to educate parents about attendance, through the students?

I'm not suggesting that you'll do it again next year, but I bet there are plenty of repeat offenders, that the message isn't getting through to.

By excluding the student from trips and events, perhaps parents might give it a little more thought next time.

Icameheretotroll · 06/12/2011 20:32

This reply has been deleted

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531800000008 · 06/12/2011 20:32

being an active helpful parent in school shouldn't have any link at all to rewards for your child

AurraSing · 06/12/2011 20:34

Were only children who had 100% attendance allowed to go to the panto and disco? Or only children with no unauthorised absence?

Either way it is harsh, it wasn't your dc fault he took leave.

Original poster
654321 · 06/12/2011 20:34

His attendance apart from these 5 days is fantastic...appts are all out of school time, and he is never ever late for school - his behaviour is pretty good, bit of a wobble at the start of term but he generally tries as hard as most boys :) - very rarely off sick

OP posts:
Marne · 06/12/2011 20:35

I think thats a carp policy, what happens if a child has hospital appointments, long illness or a death in the family?

I think its ok to do this with older children (high school) but with younger ones its rubbish, i have to take my dd's on holiday in term time as they both have ASD and can't cope when its busy (would be a nightmare if i took them in thw holidays) and i think they are too young to understand why they are not getting a treat because we decided to take them out for 5 days.

maxpower · 06/12/2011 20:36

but isn't this part of the deterrent? part of this is the school trying to make you feel guilty by not letting your DC participate in fun activities when, as you point out, it was outside of his control to miss school

having said that, I think it's a bit much to exclude him from the panto and the party....

you say you'd happily pay a fine but how much would they have to fine you to make you not take him out of school for a holiday in the future?

Original poster
654321 · 06/12/2011 20:37

531 - I wasnt inplying that being a helpful parent should allow any poor attendance to be overlooked, I was making the point that I knew about the disco because I tend to get involved in helping with such things

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 06/12/2011 20:38

Then it's down to the fact he missed 10 sessions and the school refused to authorise them.

Perhaps they think this will be more effective than a fine?

You certainly seem more bothered by it than the prospect of a fine.

Original poster
654321 · 06/12/2011 20:39

maxpower - what I meant by happily paying a fine is that if I have done something wrong and there is a penalty associated with it (ie like a parking fine or speeding ticket) I would say - well yes that is fair, my fault and I will pay.

And DS acceptd that trips are rewards for good attendance - however where does it stop - that is my question?

OP posts:
BendyBob · 06/12/2011 20:40

This is very wrong. Penalising or even rewarding a child for something they have no control over is not on. If the school have an issue with attendance they should take it up with the parents.

I think it must be doubly unkind if someone has been ill. Prolonged illness and time off could possibly = a serous illness. Talk about kicking someone whilst they're downHmm How mean Sad

hwjm1945 · 06/12/2011 20:40

I repeat my point that it is very unfair to prevent attendance at the party, if you wre not warned beforehand that this wuold be the consequenc of absences. I would complain as it sems to me to be a breahc of natural justice, as a penalty is being imposed after the event that you were not warned about

Blu · 06/12/2011 20:40

And he hasn't been up to anything that has upset his good behaviour record that he hasn't told you about?

The only reason kids should miss treats for absence is if they have absented themselves thorugh truancy Angry

TheFallenMadonna · 06/12/2011 20:41

They don't want you to "happily" pay a fine. They want their attendance figures to be OFTED-acceptable.

Original poster
654321 · 06/12/2011 20:43

Worraliberty, Im more bothered about it because I dont think it is a fair system, however to fine someone seems fairer -as it shows that there is not financial gain to be had by taking your children out of school during term time - however as I said, my reasons for the holiday in term time were not financial related hence my comment that a fine would be happily paid :)

OP posts:
DownbytheRiverside · 06/12/2011 20:44

I often say that if you choose to play in your work time, then you work in your play time. He had a holiday whilst others were working, so it seems fair that he misses out on the play things for the term.
Perhaps next time, you will consider his hurt feelings and make a different choice. How can they punish you? By making your son question your decisions, and making you realise that you can't always buy yourself out of the consequences.