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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed ith the school - how many times can you penalise a child for poor attendance

270 replies

654321 · 06/12/2011 20:23

There are mixed opinions about taking your kids out of school, and we made a choice to take DS out of school for 5 days in total.....these were treated as unauthorised absence. Now bearing in mind that since reception DS's attendance has always been in the high 90's (around 98%) Im not typically a parent that takes non attendance lightly...and there were genuine non financial reasons for not taking holidays during the appropriate holidays - but I also accept that no one twisted my arm to go on holiday.

DS did not qualify for the xmas treat - day trip to the panto because of his attendance - which he accepted as he knew we had been away on holiday and got to do things whist other kids were in school - however now he has been told in addition to that he cannot attend the end of year christmas disco...

How many things can they disqualify him from - he is being punished for something that was technically my choice. It seems that the message is that anything nice coming up he wont be able to do because of his attendance - it just seems to be labouring the point at the expense of the child...DS is 12YO btw :)

OP posts:

Original poster

654321 · 06/12/2011 20:58

Lyingwitch...well whose choice is it then? And I do decide if my child goes to school or not. Everything is a choice - if I decide my children dont go to school then I would home school them.

OP posts:

LovingChristmas · 06/12/2011 20:58

I would be asking the school exactly what is included as it seems to have carried on beyond what was expected. And stuff helping them :) Sorry, I think it's really unfair, there are far worse out there and yet they choose to penalise something that they did know about even if they didn't give permission (hmm I wonder if permission was asked to all the parents about striking)

mummakaz · 06/12/2011 20:59

I think it's wrong that your son is being punished for something you decided on but as others have said a fine wouldn't deter people, they would just do it again.

The guilt you feel as a parent, for their child not being allowed to go to the xmas party etc will have more of effect. I do think it's very wrong, I have never known a school who does this, it's pretty shitty tbh but I suppose it gets the point across (I do think this is wrong btw)

spiderpig8 · 06/12/2011 21:00

i'd keep him off school the day of the panto, buy a couple of tickets and take him yourself.
Ditto the school disco.take him out somewhere better.
It is very bad practice to punish a child for something he has no control over.probably contravenes human rights too.

DeliaSucksStollen · 06/12/2011 21:01

Also, having just cared for three children with sick bugs over the past few days, I have done the responsible thing and kept then away from school/ preschool for 48 hours after last vomiting episode. This sort of thing encourages parents to not stick to this procedure and winter just ends up as a never ending cycle of illnesses. it's daft. I can understand attendance 'incentives' in secondary school, but this is inappropriate.

MabelLucyAttwell · 06/12/2011 21:01

We cannot get through to parents who take their children on holiday during term time, can we?

OP. hoidays during term time are discouraged because time out of lessons affects a child's education. It doesn't matter what the reason is: cheaper holidays or medical conditions. The term times are there for all children to adhere to.

If your children are 'shy' or cannot cope with crowds, don't take them to crowded places. There are plenty of quieter places about (especially in the UJ) but, if you like Benidorm or Magalluf, take yourself during term time and have a relative live in with your children so that they do not miss school.

DeliaSucksStollen · 06/12/2011 21:02

kept them, sorry

Original poster

654321 · 06/12/2011 21:02

He has just said, he doesnt mind about missing the disco, he has footie training hich he didnt want to miss anyway :)

OP posts:

HSMM · 06/12/2011 21:03

My DD's school make it quite clear that they are excluded from just about everything if their attendance is below 95%.

ReindeerBollocks · 06/12/2011 21:04

Mabel what a nasty post.

So not only does my DS has to suffer with regular appointments and stays in hospital due to his medical condition, he now should accept that it's his fault he is ill and make him be punished further by missing rewards.

Wow.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 06/12/2011 21:05

OP... If you had anything about you, you'd have asked the school about this holiday and arranged it accordingly. You just seem so blase and pleased with yourself that you did this - now the school is being criticised for acting in a way that has consequences for your son. It doesn't matter what randoms on a chatboard say really, does it, they havent the power to get the punishments lifted? I feel very sorry for your son.

It's the law of the land that every child is schooled. I suppose if you home-school your child you could take him away as often as you like.

DeliaSucksStollen · 06/12/2011 21:05

I would also argue that in some instances a family trip could be more inspiring and educational than school. People tend to think of early years education in such rigid terms. Although this probably isn't a terribly helpful contribution to this thread.

Original poster

654321 · 06/12/2011 21:05

Oh can I add that befoe we went on holiday, I did go into school and speak to each of his teachers to check exactly what he would be missing during that week - his science teacher actually said "oh its the last week of term htey've done thier assessment we wont be doint anything important"

OP posts:

DeliaSucksStollen · 06/12/2011 21:06

Have you actually thought about what you are saying, Mabel? How insensitive.

CuriousMama · 06/12/2011 21:07

That's good then Ds1 hated school discos whereas ds2 loves them but he's the boogie King

Hardgoing · 06/12/2011 21:07

The whole system of rewards and incentives at schools is completely out of control. My children are rewarded for rubbish like eating nicely at mealtimes and behaving normally, their school have set up an elaborate system of rewards which is basically a form of bribery to try to gain some control over the children.

Now they are inflicting it on the adults through guilt and more bribery, utterly infantilising them.

Yet again, good parents who have an excellent attitude to school (in our borough, 5 days are authorized anyway) are penalized. Yet again, the goverment and the schools that obey their crappy OFSTED-driven targets have shown they simply can't get persistent truants or chaotic families into school or achieving anything. They go for the soft target everytime.

HecateGoddessOfTwelfthNight · 06/12/2011 21:09

I think it's mean. They are punishing him in order to punish you. There can be no other reason for it other than to ensure that him feeling upset about missing the treats hurts and upsets you.

I honestly can't think of any other reason why they would do this.

Original poster

654321 · 06/12/2011 21:09

Lying witch Im anything but blase - truly...and yes you are right if he was home schooled I could take him away as much as I liked....I think referring to yourself as random is putting yourself down :)..some self esteme issues there?

My criticism is not of the punishment but how it has been extended....Oh and you dont need to feel sorry for my son, I can do that well enough, he does ok generally :)

OP posts:

HecateGoddessOfTwelfthNight · 06/12/2011 21:11

Meant to add that a child should NEVER be punished for something that is in no way their fault and over which they have no control.

The child did not choose to go on holiday at that point, the parent did. And I repeat - I think the intention is to punish the parent through the child. I think that's petty and it's wrong.

tethersjinglebellend · 06/12/2011 21:11

"Tethers... Of course it wasn't the DS's choice, he's a child - she's the parent.

What is the school supposed to do? Give the message that it's ok for a child to be out of school unauthorised? Some parents just don't care - they'll do as they like and the child will take the consequences."

How about punish the parent and not the child?

olakel · 06/12/2011 21:13

I think its fair enough to be honest, taking holidays in term time and other unauthorised absences should be disincentivised.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 06/12/2011 21:15

Well what are you posting about then? You don't care, your son doesn't care - the school's attitude is that they will punish your son in your stead. Neither of you care about it... so..?

I think the punishment's harsh. I think it would be better for the schools to show more latitude to absences towards the end of term in the hope that children are in school the rest of the time. I doubt that will happen, schools are supposed to have a jam-packed curriculum, even if it isn't in reality. I don't know what the answer is but what will you do next time you want him out of school?

BlissfulMistletoe · 06/12/2011 21:15

attendance thin pisses me right off, my son has austim, speach problems and dietary problem.

which in turn he has alot of appoinments ( this month alone he has 4 appoinment) this affects his attendance.

this mean he misses out on the rewards in school because of this. It annoys me as it is not his fault he was born with ASD :(

Original poster

654321 · 06/12/2011 21:16

tethers my DS knows that taking time out of school isnt a good thing, his attendance is otherwise really good - I just think it is such a shame that he is paying for my choice...a point made earleir that was really good was that for a parent who doesnt care about their child attending school probably wont care that their child is missing out on treats either...

OP posts:

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 06/12/2011 21:16

But how Tethers? Means tested fines? Name and shame? Threat of prison? Some parents just won't care.

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