to think that for some obese people, its not their fault, and surgery is a really good option?

[NotMyBigFatFault]

I weigh 17 and a half stone. I am 5 foot 3. Size 22.

I am hungry most the time. I wake up with a hunger, I have breakfast, cereal, or toast, or something else if I am on a proper "diet" (done them all - Atkins, Lighterlife, Slimming World, Weight Watchers, Cambridge, calorie counting, etc). By 9am I am hungry again. By 11am I am ready for lunch. By 1pm I am ready for more. I could go on but my obesity is not driven, in my opinion by greed (which would be eating way beyond which one is hungry) but by hunger. Genuine hunger for perfectly normal, even healthy food.

I know this is not the case with all obese people. But for quite a few it is.

I remember begging my Nanny to commence lunch proceedings at 11am one day. I was absolutely ravenous. I just wanted that sandwich so much. I could; have eaten 10 of them. I was 4 years old and had no idea what comfort eating was - I knew what tummy rumbles were, though.

My dad has never felt properly full. He stops eating, because he knows he'll get really really big if he doesn't, but he always has a knawing desire to eat. He exercises plenty of self control, which is why he is about 18 stone, not 27 stone, or 32 stone, or 36 stone and dead.

My mother has been on the dieting merry-go-round all her life (well, since she was 9). She has always been hungry. She doesn't actually eat particularly large portions, she's a bit of a picker, because she feels nauseous if she gets properly hungry due to medication she is on, but I can put way more away than her, though I try not to, as I am always on a diet. Being on a diet most the time and only breaking it when I can't stand it anymore is what keeps me at 17 and a half stone. I'd weigh more if I didn't exercise this level of self control. Its driven by fear for my health and vanity.

I recently sought weight loss surgery, looked at options, decided on either a Gastric Bypass or Sleeve Gastronectomy (gastric sleeve), and saw an eminent consultant, who approved me for surgery. The surgery will be funded privately by myself. We decided on the sleeve. The procedure cuts away the fundus part of the stomach, reducing your stomach size to 25% of what it was, but most importantly, removes the part of the stomach which is responsible for secreting Ghrelin , reducing that knawing, all consuming and unrelenting hunger that makes some obese people, well, obese. Its keyhole surgery under general anaesthetic.

I go on bike rides, walks, I do trampolining, dancing, the gym, enjoy the great outdoors, and running about with my kids. I am reasonably fit considering my size.

AIBU to think that obesity is not all about "greed", lack of self-denial (we are talking a lifetime, by the way, not a few weeks), "junk food", or "lack of exercise"? Is there anyone out there who thinks, actually, this is not my fault ?

You know what was the hardest thing of all for me?

Accepting that it's just tough shit! I can't eat as I feel I need to if I want to be slim. ok, the sleeve stopped the binge eating and made a huge (pardon the pun) difference, but there's still that whole I WANT to. Why CAN'T I thing going on - I don't know if you have it?

I know about the need to not feel hungry. It's really difficult. We aren't programmed to accept feeling hungry none of us. Yet that's what we have to do.

Have you tried fixing your meal times? you know that you don't physically need food every two hours, so fix your meal times and ignore the hunger in between?

Or maybe plan your meals so that you do eat every two hours, but the calories taken in in every 24hours is no more than 1500 say. Perhaps prepare the whole day's in advance, in pots, with the time written on.

You may very well just have to accept hunger as your reality. That's a real bloody bitch, tbh. Feeling hungry is miserable.

@ Fabby

"why should you get preferential treatment because you are bigger than me?"

Because I'm willing to pay for it, that's why!

I can't believe how rude some people on this thread are!
I am a stone overweight. It is hard to lose the weight, due in part to the fact that I have a medical condition. My body stores fat under the skin, it's a bit like the older ladies you see with the very swollen ankles, but it's fat and so far is just restricted to wrists and elbows. I have been told it is harmless, but there is nothing that can be done.

My point is, that all of you would be saying stick to a sensible diet, I do.

I do think theres lots of truth in 'the more you eat, the hungrier you get in the long term'.

Just to reiterate, just because I feel hungry every 2 hours or whatever doesn't mean I am eating every 2 hours. I am hungry most the time due to exercising self restraint. That allows me to maintain my weight somewhere between 15 ish and 17 ish stone. If you are maintaining your weight by dieting most the time and being hungry most the time and that's the best weight you can maintain, where really do you go from there?

In my mind, its the severe but consistent calorie restriction and hunger elimination that results from surgery, which over years will see you reach a lower weight than you would have feasibly reached without surgery. Hopefully, this is in a healthy-ish range.

I am you to a t. Similar size, height etc. Dieting makes me full on clinically depressed kind of miserable! Unlike you I am pretty damn sure my size is my fault. My weight is caused by choices I make.

in all honesty if I had a pot of money I could spend to help me I would choose therapy rather than surgery as I think, long term, the only way to change physically forever is to change mentally.

I wish you every success and hope you have found the solution right for you

"I do think theres lots of truth in 'the more you eat, the hungrier you get in the long term'"

This is absolutely true. There is a lot to do with insulin and the way that system works (krebs cycle etc, wont bore you) but also, if you think of a Rolls Royce engine and a Mini engine - one uses less petrol than the other. The bigger your body is, the more "petrol" you perceive to need, etc etc...

Bear in mind your body is actually programmed to hold fat stores for times of famine.

@ Lilchicken

Thanks. I hope it is the right solution.

"in all honesty if I had a pot of money I could spend to help me I would choose therapy rather than surgery as I think, long term, the only way to change physically forever is to change mentally"

I had 3 years of private therapy, having convinced myself that my problem must be psychological, from 2006-2009, so whilst it might help you, I don't think it was the answer for me. I sorted out loads of other things and learned tools for dealing with conflict and all sorts - it was fab! But in terms of actual food, it didn't stop me feeling physically hungry! Strangely enough!

You know, I have read that you can lose a lot of weight by eating every half an hour. Obviously you have to make sure that your total calories is still 500 fewer than you need to maintain your current body weight, but the theory is that your metabolism is like a fire, and if you throw a bucket of coal on it only 3 times a day it won't burn as fiercely as if you throw two cobbles on every 30 minutes.

erm. iyswim

So to eat, say, a handful of something every half hour keeps it really active.

Just something I read, I'm not promising it's true!

are, not is.

That's my problem I'm not eating often enough!!!

10:00
10:30
11:00

Maybe if you'd told your slimming world leader you were pregnant she wouldn't have been irritated at you maintaining weight?

Did you breastfeed BTW? I've felt hungrier than ever but also it's really demonstrated to me the whole more calories burnt = you can eat more! I've got the hunger (and no of breastfeeding biscuits consumed) fairly under control with a low GI diet, which I lost weight with before getting pregnant.

"Maybe if you'd told your slimming world leader you were pregnant she wouldn't have been irritated at you maintaining weight"

My slimming world leader knew I was pregnant when I was attending slimming world.

My consultant said he thinks the hunger is a problem in about 1/3 of obese people.

Sorry, but I think this is bollocks. If that was the case how would you account for the fact that 50 years ago there were hardly any obese people?

Have to say that surgery, may not be the magical solution you seek.

I know a lady who had a gastric band. And managed to still gain considerable weight after the surgery as she still couldn't control her eating habits.

The point is the surgery only does so much. You still need to alter you diet drastically after surgery and from everything I've read about it, its not exactly the most pleasant thing to do as it can be restrictive to your lifestyle too. It can stop you from being able to eat some foods you like completely. You may not be able to eat socially with friends or family. You can get problems from not chewing your food properly. You can get vitamin deficiencies. And then theres complications that need further surgery.

If you can't cope with altering your diet without surgery, you are going to have problems if you have it. It can be miserable and depressing to deal with in its own right.

I'm sure you know all this though... I just can't help feeling the idea of having a gastric bypass isn't the solution to a massive problem that a lot of people face.

There is definitely something physically wrong with you if you ate 500 calories a day on lighter life and only lost 1.4 lb a week.

What does the doc say?

@ LaurieFairyCake

"There is definitely something physically wrong with you if you ate 500 calories a day on lighter life and only lost 1.4 lb a week. What does the doc say?"

They tend to default to the most predictable option, which is to not believe you - as demonstrated on this thread.

I don't see gastric band surgery as a bad choice, OP, if you've done your best to fix the problem in other ways.

Your "best" may not be the same as somebody else's best.... but I would say that that expecting everyone's best to be the same is unfair. We praise effort not achievement in our children, but tell adults that achievement matters most and effort doesn't hardly even exist if you don't achieve the same things. Implying that all adults should be able to achieve the same things, even though we all know we're all different. It makes no sense.

Gastric band surgery is not an easy option, some of the risks and drawbacks are huge. Make sure you know what you're getting into.

But isn't everyone hungry for long periods?

I know I can be hungry by 10am having had breakfast at 7.30am. I still won't eat until 12-12.30, though because it's unnecessary; I can't possibly have a physiological need for food.

Who hasn't got to 3pm and been longing for dinner but then waited until 6pm which is a reasonable time to eat?

I think it's totally normal to have periods of hunger and I assumed everyone went through that but just ignored it, drank some water or juice, etc and got on with their day.

How is it nit your fault

If you eat to much then in it is really move more eat less simple

Their are a few medical conditions were you put on lots of weight but to be honest not so much you would need the fire crew to cut you out of your home.

Sorry but its really two things laziness coupled with low self esteem

If your lazy having a operation wont help, your unlikely to follow the pre op advice

If you have low self esteem counciling is more likely to get to the root of why you eat

@ NiceyBahumbug

A gastric band is a very different thing than a sleeve gastrectomy. The hunger is still there, but restriction makes it difficult to satisfy. Some people get round it by melting down chocolate and all sorts.

The sleeve is said to deal with the hunger and drive to eat (ghrelin hormone), along with restriction (small stomach pouch) and therefore works in a very different way.

The evidence (statistics/research) surrounding the sleeve for someone of my size is that they can expect to lose the majority (80%) of their excess weight in a year and so far the stats on keeping it off are very good.

You want to pay for it rather than do the hard work? You are a risk anyone who operates on you will tell you that your weight could kill you whilst you are under the knife.

You are what you eat. You eat too much because you are too lazy to diet, you can't resist the hunger pangs because you would rather eat than be strong and have will power.

Sorry I don't agree you should get surgery paid for or otherwise I think you should have to lose weight the traditional way. With a healthy diet and exercise.