to think Cancer Research should rethink some of their marketing?

[MrsCarriePooter]

This is a fairly mild AIBU but interested in what you think.

We were in our local Cancer Research shop this morning and in the window they had a big poster of a woman who had survived breast cancer, but the wording was something about "Vanessa wasn't going to let cancer beat her". I said to the volunteer insider when I was paying that I thought that was a bit offensive, as though those who die from cancer just had decided to roll over and "let cancer beat" them. Was I just being overtouchy? Having had relatives die of cancer I know I could be. The volunteer said "she'd pass my views" on to the area manager.

I think I've seen that poster but hadn't thought about it in those terms before.

You are of course right

I agree.
I have breast cancer and have watched so many people I love die of it.
They didn't die because they didn't "fight" hard enough.
They didn't die because they weren't "positive" enough.
They died because we don't have a universal cure for cancer yet.
Well done for complaining about it.
CRUK should know better.

I completely agree, there's a whole emphasis on 'beating cancer' as if the harder you try, the more likely you are to beat it. This really isn't true, and all the studies of positive mental attitude have not shown this relationship. That's not to say being positive can't help, it can help with managing the symptoms and it can help with pain, but you can't survive just by willpower alone, there are plenty of people who tried and tried, and their bodies are just overwhelmed and I would hate them to feel bad as if their trying wasn't good enough. We can't control as much of this stuff as we think, as my parent's generation are now discovering, it's not only 'bad' people who 'bad' stuff happens to, and thinking 'good thoughts' will only get you so far.

YANBU. When I was diagnosed with cancer earlier this year I was a terrified wreck. Obviously if I had died it would be because I wasn't brave/strong/determined/positive enough

You are right.

I think they should also take a look at the aggressiveness of their marketing. They regularly write bleeding heart letters to me asking me to up my direct debit. It irks me. I (like most people) have seen loved ones go through cancer. I don't need my heartstrings tugged by hearing the stories of strangers. TBH, it puts me off giving more to them.

My DH died of skin cancer. He was 29, we had a 7 month old DS. He was rugby player and had everything to live for. He fought, my god, he FOUGHT. He couldn't win.

CRUK should know that fighting cancer is not the only way to beat it - having the right treatment, having the 'right' sort of cancer etc all help.

I'm offended and I haven't even see the ad.

Totally agree. My aunt bless her, has had cancer 3 times already and may have it a fourth (we'll know by christmas either way). I like to think she's survived so far because she's made of tough stuff but really I know the truth is it's luck of a draw.

That's a very good point. You should write to them yourself to put across that point of view.

I'm not sure I would have complained about the poster (as I am a meek mouse but a bit of a keyboard warrior), but YANBU.

My son has cancer. He's got a very good prognosis due to his type of cancer and the age he contracted it.

It's not down to how hard a person fights. It's a disease, like any other. Sometimes the disease wins. End off.

YANBU. I had breast cancer and one of the most difficult things to accept was that I had absolutely no control over it whatsoever. I did fight, but that was to keep my general health and appearance and to make sure life would be as comfortable as possible for my DS without me should I die. With regard to the cancer, I was just hanging on for what the next test result would say. I was one of the lucky ones.

I think Lance Armstrong who is often called a superhero in his 'battle' said something similar in his book. There were those who just appeared to accept it and survived, and those who fought it all the way and died. He also considers himself one of the lucky ones.

I agree with you. You are absolutely right

Yes it takes a 'strong' person to 'beat' cancer

No it doesn't.
It takes a person who has a treatable type of cancer.
It takes a person who is responsive to the current treatments.
It takes a person simply being fortunate with the histology of their cancer and how it behaves in their body.
Strength, courage, call it what you will, has absolutely nothing to do with surviving cancer or tolerating the treatment.

of, not off

God, I hate cancer threads. They make me mis-type!

YANBU.

the tyranny of positive thinking.

My poor friend had to hide her perfectly understandable fear, depression and similar "negative thoughts" cos those closest to her acted like it was akin to refusing chemo in terms of controlling your survival.

And she got acosted many times with exhortations to "keep fighting", "this can't beat you, you are so strong".

Her last few good months were an exhusting act of giving other people what they wanted to see.

I don't think a hardline taken with affirmations is that postive if it has become something with which you close people down when they need to express the huge emotional load they are carrying.

D. didn't die becuase she was weak, didn't fight hard enough or didn't think postively enough.

She died because she had stage IV cancer that did not respond to the treatments available.

She fought pain and fucking awful treatment cos she wanted heart and soul to be there for her children. She gave people the positive thinking they demanded of her regardless of the cost to herself, cos she loved them and felt they needed the sense of control over what happened to her.

If the fight/postivie thinking is where survival is at, then D should have lived to be 110. Not gone at a mere 46.

I actually phoned CR a few years ago about one of their tv campaigns. It wasn't long after my mum died of ovarian cancer (in a short space of time) and we were trying to arrange our wedding (which we had moved hoping mum would have made it)

It was the one with the bride at the end on her own looking in the mirror saying "mum should be here"

I do appreciate they need powerful messages to rally support but that advert killed me inside and reduced me to tears every single time. I stopped watching terrestrial tv because I couldnt bear the thought of it coming on - it was just far too close to home at a time when my grief was so raw.

YANBU. Well done everyone who has pointed it out, I will too if I see it.

fastweb exactly. Show me someone with cancer who thinks, "Oh, good-o, what a challenge! I'll put together a sponsorship form and friends can give me 50p for every month I survive."

Cancer is terrifying. The fact that someone with cancer is smiling and saying that yes, it's going well thankyou, rather than throwing themselves on your shoulder and screaming at you to make it stop is down to their consideration for others, not to the way they actually feel.

YANBU My step-mother has not long died of breast cancer at the age of 51.
She WAS strong, it's not her failure that she's died. Perhaps you shoukd forward them this thread?

HMTheQuenn I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how difficult that was for you

OP, you are entirely right. Plus I agree with everything Esta and Hardgoing said - I also would have thought it was blindingly obvious to Cancer Research, but it seems not.

YANBU.

Thank you for this thread. This has irked me for the same reasons but I worried that I was being bitter and unreasonable due to my mum's death so have kept my opinion to myself. It's a comfort to find that others think the same way.

I too agree.
Not just the poster you saw, but the media in general.
People are always described as 'battling' cancer or 'losing the fight'.
I have had breast cancer too, it helps to try to be positive, but it doesn't affect the prognosis, I was lucky enough to recover, but many people don't.

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Drop down menu for complaints to CRUK.