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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think Cancer Research should rethink some of their marketing?

381 replies

MrsCarriePooter · 05/12/2011 12:13

This is a fairly mild AIBU but interested in what you think.

We were in our local Cancer Research shop this morning and in the window they had a big poster of a woman who had survived breast cancer, but the wording was something about "Vanessa wasn't going to let cancer beat her". I said to the volunteer insider when I was paying that I thought that was a bit offensive, as though those who die from cancer just had decided to roll over and "let cancer beat" them. Was I just being overtouchy? Having had relatives die of cancer I know I could be. The volunteer said "she'd pass my views" on to the area manager.

OP posts:

myfriendflicka · 05/12/2011 18:06

YANBU

My husband died of cancer and things like this are very distressing - also for children like my DCs who could think: "Well does that mean my Dad was weak?" or "Didn't he care enough about us to fight it?" when they see this kind of campaign.

I know they are trying to be positive but they could put a bit of thought into being more sensitive about it.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 05/12/2011 18:07

Kinky I know how hard it is and I wish your DD all the very, very best. x

ISawPINOTSnoggingSantaClaus · 05/12/2011 18:12

This is all too raw for me so I will add a very definite and passionate YANBU and then hide the thread, but with utmost respest to anyone who has this horrendous fucking disease or is touched by it.

KinkyDoritoWithFairyLightsOn · 05/12/2011 18:13

Thank you MrsDeVere. I'm truly sorry about your DD. She was similar in age to mine, who is 13 and was diagnosed with ALL in January. It is such a horrific thing, a parent's worst nightmare.

MissM · 05/12/2011 18:13

My brother died three years ago of cancer aged 34. He fought tooth and nail and with every breath of his body. He carried on working at the work he loved, as a musician, as hard as he had ever worked, even when he was in the middle of treatment and had to take breaks to be sick, or stay in hospital for a transplant. He finished albums with both his bands, continued to do gigs, launched his album, wrote songs, performed them, got married, went on his honeymoon, walked on Hampstead Heath for as long as he could walk and when he couldn't walk any more we pushed him in a wheelchair. Cancer killed him.

myfriendflicka · 05/12/2011 18:15

This is very upsetting. Obviously lots of us feel the same about this.

Perhaps we should all contact CR and ask them to rethink this?

4c4good · 05/12/2011 18:15

And a very very minor thing. I dislike the use of battling - used with no 'with' or 'against'
That has always irked me.

fotheringhay · 05/12/2011 18:29

Although it's true that this language is everywhere in the media, Cancer Research could definitely lead the way in changing it.

Has anyone sent them this thread?

carocaro · 05/12/2011 18:30

I agree.

My Dad died of cancer and her certainly did not roll over and let it win nor did he don a suit of armour and let our a battle cry of victory. THe wedding one peed me off too, he would have been here dipshits! He was with me in a way, well a photo of him and me inside my dress.

The poster make you feel like a failure if you've died.

SantieMaggie · 05/12/2011 18:32

Completely agree with you op.

Glad i read this as its opened my eyes - i've always hated this too even though i've never had cancer i have relatives that have and i have had other serious illnesses.

carve133 · 05/12/2011 18:40

Completely agree. DFIL died of cancer 5 years ago. DH and I always wince at the "battle"/"fight" analogies.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 05/12/2011 18:44

Kinky I am sorry you are going through this. Just hang on to the the good stats and figures. So many kids do really well.
The treatment is vile though. Give her a sneaky hug from me x

Peachy · 05/12/2011 18:50

I think it varies so much between what diffferent people like to term the process.

I worked for a different major cancer charity, just in fundraising but obv. we had lots on terminology etc- for us it was journey. That's what their research ahd said people wanted as a term.

Previously victim had been common: that apparently caused lots of furore and was considered a no-no.

Some people didn;t like journey and wanted it to be a battle or fight as that was how they saw it.

Kinky hugs. Leukaemia is a fucker.

BustersOfDoom · 05/12/2011 18:50

I wholeheartedly agree with everyone. My DS didn't survive cancer because he was brave or a fighter. He survived because of the skill of the neurosurgery team and radiotherapy team. Yes, he was brave but only in so far as an 8 year old can be brave when facing such an illness and invasive and painful medical procedures. He also spent much of the time scared and worried. As did we. People have told us he and we were brave but all I remember is a constant sick, worried feeling and being scared about what the next scan would show. For months and months and years.

I also support Clic Sargent for that reason but am becoming more and more pissed of with their marketing methods. Seeing as most people donating to Clic Sargent have probably been affected by a child they are related to or know having cancer, is it really necessary to send out emotive material telling us how dreadful it is to have a seriously ill child in hospital over Christmas/Easter/Summer and what a terribly worrying and scary time it is? I know what it's like. I spent 5 weeks doing it and don't really want to be reminded how shit it was again and again.

DaisyDaresYOU · 05/12/2011 18:51

Yanbu My 16 yr old db was the bravest person i've ever known.He died because he choose too not because cancer beat him.

Peachy · 05/12/2011 18:52

But wrt to brave oh God yes

A friend who died of breast cancer in her early thirties (I was 222 then but younger than I am now) said she was sick of people telling her to br brave and positive: she wanted to scream that it was a bastard life stealer.

Fair enough.

DaisyDaresYOU · 05/12/2011 18:52

I should say 15 really,he was only just 16 when he died 5years ago today

Peachy · 05/12/2011 18:53

Busters that sounds tough with the amrketing yes. The charity I worked with had a policy of not doing that, the adverts for a major competitor where people were talking about people they ahd lost was starting when I was there and there were in depth policies about NOT doing that. Because it upset people.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 05/12/2011 18:55

(((((Daisy)))))) I am so sorry. Its just so horrible isnt it? x
Its been five years for us too.

libelulle · 05/12/2011 18:58

YANBU, and how. I HATE the fighting metaphor, but it's completely pervasive. My mum has leukaemia right now and if another person tells me 'she's so strong, she'll get through it' I think I'll throw up. She'll survive if she's lucky. I know she's a strong person, but if she dies, it fucking won't be because she wasn't strong enough. And I don't swear often, but I'm really REALLY angry at this godawful disease and how you aren't just expected to deal with all that it throws at you, you're supposed to do it with good humour too. Again - fuck that. In my darker moments I think it's just a social conspiracy to make it easier for other people to ignore the disgusting reality of what it means to have cancer.

libelulle · 05/12/2011 18:59

Can we send this thread to CR? I'm certainly going to write to them.

pranma · 05/12/2011 19:01

I absolutely agree with you.[I have had bc].You dont beat it,it isnt a battle,it isnt a roller coaster,you dont ever get 'the all clear' except in WW2 sense[no more bombs for now but tomorrow....].Cancer isnt pink and fluffy-we aren't 'tickled pink'.Breast Cancer is shit and yes shit happens and you cope as best you can-most of us survive for a reasonable time but many of us dont.It is offensive to say that all those lovely women could have lived if they had fought harder.

DaisyDaresYOU · 05/12/2011 19:02

Yep it defently is.I had a dream that morning of flying through a graveyard and stopping at a head stone with his name on,i got a call that same day of my mum telling me brother was dieing sorry for your loss,its a fucking wicked,horrible disease.I'm just soo glad he held on for me to say goodbye as I live a few hours away.I though I wasn't going to make it

LadyBeagleBaublesAndBells · 05/12/2011 19:03

Just for MrsDeVere and Daisy.
I couldn't bear that pain.

Sudaname · 05/12/2011 19:11

Oh and another one is 'It only happens to the nicest people/only the good die young etc etc'. I mean come on - surely that is patronising in the extreme - even to someone who has indeed lost a good person. Not to mention an insult to the intelligence of anyone with one ounce of common sense - l mean really - and thats backed up by which scientific paper exactly ?

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