to get the woman to remove her shoes or is she BU by being rude?

[teddiegoestopeckham]

my BIL came over today with his new partner to meet me and DH (his brother). They came over for a few hours for a late lunch/tea.

Anyway i open the door for them (BIL already holding his coat :) ). anyway all the hellos, hugs, come in etc.
BIL automatically takes his shoes off and puts some of the slippers we have out for guests.
She looks very shocked by this and doesn't make a move to either take off her shoes or even ask if i would like her to take her shoes off (i am barefoot)

Anyway when I realise that she isn't taking her shoes off and asks her nicely and politely if she would mind taking her shoes off and if she would like we have slippers for guests (we have a pile like the ones BIL put on and they are very obvious)

BIL looks a bit awkward at his point and then she says' 'no, thank you' and walks though.

I was just stunned and so was BIL obviously.

But it would have been rude to say anything so i just let her carry on. And told DH when he came in about 15mins later not to say anything.

I'm japanese - and to me leaving your shoes on when entering someones house is a no no. I have managed over the years to be okay if someone just walks in to pick something up or drop something off. but if someone is coming in properly. They take their shoes off.

Even forgetting the culture I and this comes from - sure it is rude to reply like that when you are a guest into someones home?

or AIBU in asking people to remove their shoes upon entering??
I'm doubting both now...

Im not sure about you JAMIE but I can see shit, its brown, smells bad

Iggi not sure if you have ever seen a dog sit down but his anus does not touch the floor.His tail covers his anus.

YANBU - You are not asking her to covert to another religion, you are politely asking her to remove her shoes. I think she has show a lack of respect. if she doesnt agree with it she can leave. I dont think she was unreasonable to use communal slippers though.

You can see a thread starting up. 'Am mortified-was asked to remove my shoes and I have terrible bunions-feel awful because I refused. WABU?

I salute trifle. It is rude beyond belief to ask people to remove any item of clothing. Your house, your rules and all that, but I'd go straight home and never visit again if you asked me to remove my shoes

I'm torn on this one - it is your cultural thing not hers. But on the other hand she was in your house not hers . I used to work in the NHS and once got told off for offering pens /appt cards/drinks whatever to muslims with my left hand. I am left handed though and didnt appreciate being made to feel 'rude' or 'dirty' in some way for doing something that came automatically to me because it happened to be against someones culture. But then again I was in a hospital in my hometown and country. No correct answer as someone already said.

What Trifle said!

Snala I think I love you. Do you generally have guests who have shit on their hands after going to the toilet?

Sparkling -do you put your nose in stuff to smell it?

My (departed) dog's tail stuck out from his body and sat on a different part of the floor from his bottom.

No snala but I am a human.

I see what has happened. I was referring to what you said about knowing if someone has washed their hands

But the OP didn't insist

She asked

And the Very Bad Taboo-Breaking Guest said no.

And clomped through the house with her outdoor shoes on

With no blue surgeon's bags over them

Jamie - I have no idea what your problem is. Do you not wash your hands after using the toilet? Do you not understand basic hygiene? Whats your point

The dog thing has really made me laugh.

Our friend has 2 dogs (his surrogate children!) and they are very lovely and like sitting on knees. One of them sat on another friend and left the perfect "chocolate starfish" on her white jeans.

We were very sympathetic obviously, and cried with laughter :o

So no, dogs tails really dont cover their arses!

Oh I see SPARKLING, is it humans that are used as sniffer dogs?

lol @ ' chocolate starfish'

Exactly snala sniffer dogs are good because they stick their noses into everything!

Snail -oh dear. My point is that you said you can tell if someone has washed their hands. I asked how. I asked if you sniffed their hands. I made a lame joke.

Of course I wash my hands

Snala - not snail, silly predictive text

It was never our families tradition to take your shoes off. No house I visited or lived in was kept that warm.
I have quarry tiles in the kitchen and the floor is freezing. The rest of the carpets are over 15 years old, so warm feet rule.
I do take my shoes of if it's the house rule, but to be honest I hate it. My feet are always cold and it's such a pain with DCs tuning in and out to play and needing you to go in and out too (usually not through the door the shoes are by).

Ive always wondered if there a north/ south or east/west divide in this
DH was brought up in Cornwall and me in Wales, but we both have Yorkshire mothers and shoes stayed firmly on in doors.

Odd how they can detect drugs, peoples scent etc and follow it without being anywhere near the object to start with

Sorry Jamie, I misunderstood .