to get the woman to remove her shoes or is she BU by being rude?

[teddiegoestopeckham]

my BIL came over today with his new partner to meet me and DH (his brother). They came over for a few hours for a late lunch/tea.

Anyway i open the door for them (BIL already holding his coat :) ). anyway all the hellos, hugs, come in etc.
BIL automatically takes his shoes off and puts some of the slippers we have out for guests.
She looks very shocked by this and doesn't make a move to either take off her shoes or even ask if i would like her to take her shoes off (i am barefoot)

Anyway when I realise that she isn't taking her shoes off and asks her nicely and politely if she would mind taking her shoes off and if she would like we have slippers for guests (we have a pile like the ones BIL put on and they are very obvious)

BIL looks a bit awkward at his point and then she says' 'no, thank you' and walks though.

I was just stunned and so was BIL obviously.

But it would have been rude to say anything so i just let her carry on. And told DH when he came in about 15mins later not to say anything.

I'm japanese - and to me leaving your shoes on when entering someones house is a no no. I have managed over the years to be okay if someone just walks in to pick something up or drop something off. but if someone is coming in properly. They take their shoes off.

Even forgetting the culture I and this comes from - sure it is rude to reply like that when you are a guest into someones home?

or AIBU in asking people to remove their shoes upon entering??
I'm doubting both now...

Snala, you are funny. Is it ok if I don't have treads ? I generally don't

Do you wetwipe the dog's -er- bottom area? (As it gets sat on the floor my bare feet are going on).

"If a guest uses the toilet you would expect them to wash their hands before touching your door handles etc,". Yes, you would expect them to...but you'll never really know though will you

Ok then, blue shoe covers for humans and a giant doggy shapped bag for the dog.

What I want to know, with those of you who are "shoes off" - what happens if you get a guest with really stinky feet? Is that not worse on the carpet than a bit of mud that can be hoovered up?

She was being unbelievably rude and I wouldn't invite her again.

Shoes off in this house - slippers, socks or bare feet only. I do make exceptions for some of my older relatives who don't find it too easy to take their shoes off or put them on, but they tend to wear flat slip-ons that have really only been indoors anyway.

I once got halfway home from the swimming pool with the blue covers still on. It was ok though, everyone must have thought I was a surgeon.

Mrs - some kind of squirting regime at the door?

Perhaps it's just easier to not have any visitors. Rules out any possibility of footwear awkwardness completely.

Love the idea of the blue swimming pool covers instead! Shame the dirty shoe wearers.

It's a minefield, and no mistake

Yes if my dog has shit on its arse I would wipe it!! My dog doesn't put its nose into shit just as it doesn't sit in shit!

Tread or not, shoes pick up all sorts of nasties and I would prefer not to have them in my home on my carpets.

Yes you never know if someone has washed their hands just as you never know about someone walking through shit.

No no we need showers in the vestibule like the one Meryl Streep had in that film - Silkwood?

Maybe a minefield in the hallway? Survival of the fittest

It may not be an affection in this case, but it certainly is for most people of my acquaintance.

It doesn't need to sit in shit as shit comes out of it, surely? Not sure I'd be keen on a bare human anus on the carpet so why is a dog one ok? Genuinely puzzled.

Snala - how? On earth? Do you sniff? Does your dog?
< laughs>

hmmm....I don't think I knew much about the japanese culture of removing shoes until I met my brothers girlfriend/wife who is japanese in my early 30s, so maybe she just didn't know ahead of time and could have been embarrassed. I have a friend who I visit who's house is immaculate and you wouldn't dream of entering with shoes on, consequently I always make sure I have matching socks/well painted nails etc when I visit her. ANyway, I would have expected your BIL to explain to his girlfriend about your culture and for her to have taken her shoes off.

MRS how is a smell worse than shit on the carpet?

She was rude to ignore your request in your own home.

However I detest taking my shoes off when visiting people. My closest friend has a shoes off house. She grew up in India and it is the norm for her. I have to think about what I wear before I go round there (e.g. if wearing boots don't wear ankle socks with a skirt because it looks daft). I also end up freezing. I have Raynaud's and struggle to keep the blood flowing to my extremities. It's uncomfortable. She offers slippers (which don't look like they are washed after every wear) and as I know she had verrucaes for years I pass on that one. I take my own slippers when I remember.

It's not the prevailing culture in this country to take your shoes off in a house and I really don't like it, but I do it out of politeness.

Now Jamie that is going too far.
Plus, a minefield is indiscriminate. More an Indiana Jones temple of doom type test, I think.

I think dogs put their noses into everything don't they? They are always sniffing at stuff!
You can tell if someone has stepped in dog shit cos it reeks!

Hoorah for your bil's girlfriend. How absolutely marvellous. I frigging hate with a passion people who insist that visitors remove their shoes. And to be faced with a pile of slippers, words fail me, how utterly naff, rude and pretentious. Get a door mat, they can wipe to their hearts content but never ever insist upon people removing their shoes, it is the ultimate in bad manners.

I wonder how the rest of the visit went? Did she manage to redeem herself?

Right. I didn't want to go there, but..... People don't shit in the street and tread in it....... Say no more .......