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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

.. to NEVER wash DD's hair...

432 replies

GoTheFkToSleep · 29/11/2011 18:47

She's 5. She hates it, I hate it and two days later its looks the same as before. I think I last washed it about 6 months ago. I do bath the child once a month whether she needs it or not every few days, and she goes swimming every now and then but I am not sure that counts as she won't get in the pool showers. There must be a mild disinfectant effect of the chlorine tho??

OP posts:
eurochick · 29/11/2011 22:45

She's probably the smelly odd kid that all of the others laugh at. You could prevent that OP.

531800000008 · 29/11/2011 22:45

urgh

no pants - I'll bet she's got worms [shudder]

AgentZigzag · 29/11/2011 22:45

All credit to you OP for not calling us all cunts and flouncing.

Would have been a bit of excitement though...maybe you could think about it for next time? Grin

Original poster
GoTheFkToSleep · 29/11/2011 22:46

She can't bear the sensations of most clothes - and there is no way she could keep this up if it wasn't for real. She walks around holding them away from her body a lot of the time. I like to think of her as a character (through gritted teeth) and just try to make her look as normal as possible. She has lots of friends at the moment.

OP posts:
duchesse · 29/11/2011 22:46

Sorry, bad spelling. Muumuu. Not regulation school uniform I shouldn't think.

iwasyoungonce · 29/11/2011 22:47

What over reaction! I see no evidence whatsoever to accuse the OP of not giving a shit about her DD. That's an awful thing to say.

OP - my DD had very similar sensitivity issues for about a year when she was 4. I had to buy her seamless socks, and buying clothes (and knickers) was a nightmare. I completely understand why you let her go without underwear. She'll grow out of this, i'm sure. It happened suddenly with my DD, and now she is fine.

She hated having her hair washed too - and she is now over this too.

It was a hard time, and you do what you have to. I'm not judging you at all. I think the judgers on here are completely lacking in empathy.

Original poster
GoTheFkToSleep · 29/11/2011 22:48

Ok - I am flouncing off to bed now. She will be up at 6.00 strikes or no strikes

OP posts:
Original poster
GoTheFkToSleep · 29/11/2011 22:51

Iwasyoungonce Thanks

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 29/11/2011 22:52

I'm not lacking in empathy iwasyoungonce, but my empathy is for the OPs daughter when she finds out other children don't find her as endearing as her mum does.

Other DC can be cruel, and as a parent you try to everything within your power to not force them to stand out as 'the smelly odd kid', the weirdo, the one to avoid.

It only takes a couple of them to do it for all the others follow like sheep.

AgentZigzag · 29/11/2011 22:53

Yay, a flounce Grin

DumSpiroSpero · 29/11/2011 22:53

Would she just dip her hair back in the bathwater so it gets a rinse once a week or so?

I'd probably try and get it washed one way or another once a week tbh, but I can understand where you're coming from.

Harecare · 29/11/2011 23:07

Don't her feet get cold and rub in her shoes? If she can wear trousers there must be a similar type of knickers she can wear. Or even if she wore shorts under her trousers on PE days.
It could be a phase that passes when she is 6, but if it doesn't you're not doing her any favours by allowing her to not wear underwear in the short run - too much washing of trousers and cold blistered feet as we get further into winter nor in the long run - singling her out amongst her friends.
Truly, the hair washing is not an issue, but no underwear is not sensible, practical or kind.
I believe you that you are not a "neglectful" parent - my Mum wasn't especially, but she did allow me to not change my knickers for weeks on end. I do remember one of the pretty girls at school trying to insult me by saying "I bet you haven't washed your hair in a month" as a real insult. I smiled as I thought "I haven't had my hair washed in about 6 months". So, while I was "bullied" for it, I wasn't a victim so it didn't hurt. Looking back though, I do wish I would have had lovely clean smelling hair and I've got a bit of a complex now about being seen as a minger.
Please realise that not wearing underwear is a problem that needs to be addressed rather than laughed off.
sardinequeen I deliberately send DD in with trousers and socks on PE days so there isn't the tights problem.

maxybrown · 29/11/2011 23:26

socks inside out!! Or seamless socks - DS wears trunks and loose ish - hard as he is skinny so loose things not great!

Have you asked her why about her clothes out of interest?

duchesse · 29/11/2011 23:31

Just found this site: sells seamless undies for little children.

duchesse · 29/11/2011 23:33

UK shop.

rockinhippy · 29/11/2011 23:40

I'm torn on this, as part of me wants to say, YOU are the parent & YOU lay down the rules NOt DD - BUt, I've had similar issues with my own DD for thankfully short periods of time & realise that in part it was also just another attention seeking thing Hmm - ignoring it & not forcing the issue was actually the best way to deal with my DD through these periods

She also gave me hell over socks & pants & some clothes too - sensitive yes - awkward & wilful, doubly soHmm but you pick your battles & in doing so you win the warWink

DD still doesn't like socks,seamless included, but she no longer makes a fuss, she just always pulls the toes down & folds them under her feet as it feels more comfortable that way Confused & she chooses her own knickers, preferring the microfibre shorts cut type without elastic in the waist.

& I agree its a complete myth that hair needs washing so often - I just wish I hadn't bought into it with my own hair that looks like a scraggy mop if not washed at least every 2 days - DD on the other hand can go a week & often more & still look freshly washed & shiny - we did have a similar problem over hair washing,

lasted 3 weeks until I got her washing her own, she wasn't brilliant at it, but it always looked fine when dried

& no, headlice where never a problem as a result, she's rarely had them & we DO check thoroughly

I'd recommend trying to get her into washing her own - after all, its what "big girls do" - it worked for mine

Cherriesarelovely · 29/11/2011 23:46

This reminds me of a little boy that I teach. He LOVES getting really mucky, wont give up wearing favourite shoes or clothes even if they are torn (shoes with soles falling off etc!). It is not an issue of money, he HAS other clothes. He is the most gorgeous, cheeky, sweet little boy in school but when I talk to his mum about the above issues (he really is filthy now and his shoes are so broken they are dangerous) she puts her hands up and says "don't blame me, he has other clothes he just wont wear them or he is having some teeth taken out at the hospital. I can't do anything about it he loves sweets and wont brush his teeth". I don't get it! I just want to scream "sort it out"!

Cherriesarelovely · 29/11/2011 23:48

HOWEVER, i do have a friend who has a DS with similar senstivities and realise that it can be very difficult. Still, I don't think you can just not wash.

NotJustKangaskhan · 30/11/2011 00:32

As long as the hair is being rinsed and well-combed, I don't think there is a real issue. My DD2 cannot use shampoos at all (severe eczema, including scalp and 75%+ of her body, ped. dermatologist says not to bother which is nice as bath time is already military procedures for her Sad) and she's just as tidy looking and sweet smelling as my other two that use them.

belgo · 30/11/2011 06:52

That is so frustating cherries. Teeth cleaning is an absolute must in this house, even if I have to hold them down to do it .

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 30/11/2011 07:19

I must be mean, my DD has autism and screams head off when getting hair washed, just grit teeth and get on with it.

lljkk · 30/11/2011 07:33

yanbu... Wink
Refreshing lot of confessions here.
I very rarely washed DC hair or tried to encourage them to, until they reached double figure ages. DS3 is 3yo & I don't remember when I last washed (what little hair he has). Less than once a year, even.
They did not develop dreadlocks, or get nits more than anyone else (you do not need to wash to get lice out, though it helps).
My child with longhair it was more like once every 4 months; her hair looked exactly the same as every other child her age. Often complimented on how nice it was, actually.
She's 10yo now and I can't stop her from washing her hair several times/week; it was only after she started washing it regularly, maybe 5 months ago, that it ever started to look greasy without a wash Confused.

Mine don't bathe very often at that age, either
I don't think they smell either. Although I am keen on pants changes, they do tend to need those.

I have very fine, very dry hair and if I wash it more than once a week it just fluffs out wildly (is thick & luxurious a day or two after a wash). So try to wash mine as sparingly as possible, too.

Chandon · 30/11/2011 07:57

OP, can I be cheeky and ask more about the sensory issues? I have not heard this term before, but a lot of what you say rings bells WRT my DS1. He only wears ONE brand of underwear (that's not easy to get in the UK), and seamless socks from ONE shop only. He has sat in his room for 3 hours in bare bot as he refused to get other pants on. (which has no seams and no elastic). He can't wear anything with wool or acrylic. He makes a fuss about hair washing even though he is 9 now. He is also fussy about food. He has some SEN at school. And I was just wondering how that compares to your DD. Sorry for (mini) hijack.

maybe you can put this question on SEN or SN board instead? You'd get more sympathy.

PrettyCandles · 30/11/2011 08:00

I can't believe how nasty some posters are being! Labelling a 5yo who washes and changes clothes as a stinky kid, saying she'll be shunned, accusing her mum of negligence and selfishness, assuming the child has worms(why? Because she doesn't wear knickers? What's that got to do with it?!). Would people be having such hysterics over a boy going commando?

Washing hair does not have health implications like brushing teeth and wiping/washing bottoms.

If the child is swimming and getting her hair wet then the detritus that builds up in her hair will get rinsed out.

Most young children's scalps do not get as greasy as adults'. None of us would be shocked at a 5mo not having their hair washed, yet, as I recall, my boys had greasier scalps at 5m than they did at 5y.

GTFTS you might be better off, at some point in the future, posting in Special Needs something along the lines of 'how can I help my dd overcome her sensory issues?' and explaining them from the start. You didn't do yourself any favours with this AIBU-by-stealth!

MrsSleepy · 30/11/2011 08:06

Ok... My DS has ASD, He HATES clothes. Any clothes full stop, Especially pants and socks. We turn his socks inside out, And his pants. IMHO they are a tough shit you HAVE to wear them. Does he like it? NO. He hates it but I think (this is MY opinion) That it is a bit nasty not to be wearing underwear.
She will get sore eventually from the trousers rubbing her. You may say oh no she won't etc etc but I bet she will.

There are some things in life that you can give a bit of le-way for, General hygiene and underwear are not one of them.

6 Months is a tad long for not washing the hair, My only concern would be that, Kids can be horrible. If they realise she's smells a bit they will bully her.

You don't see YABU and if that's what you believe then no-one on here is going to be able to convince you otherwise, Do the school know she is not wearing any knickers? I would be very surprised that they have not pulled you up on it if they do.

It's completely up to you what you do with your child/children but you need to draw a line as to what is and isn't unreasonable.

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