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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

.. to NEVER wash DD's hair...

432 replies

GoTheFkToSleep · 29/11/2011 18:47

She's 5. She hates it, I hate it and two days later its looks the same as before. I think I last washed it about 6 months ago. I do bath the child once a month whether she needs it or not every few days, and she goes swimming every now and then but I am not sure that counts as she won't get in the pool showers. There must be a mild disinfectant effect of the chlorine tho??

OP posts:
4madboys · 01/12/2011 09:58

birds my ds1 showered/bathed twice a week ish, more or less depending on need when younger and now as he has got older with a bit of prompting he started showering everyday, now he is 12yrs and just does it automatically as he knows he needs to. i certainly didnt need to shower him daily just so he would 'learn' to do it once he needed to.

lots of washing and showering actually dries my skin out, i have very sensitive eczema so i have a strip wash with a flannel!! Shock every morning or a shower depending on need and a bath every so often, i am perfectly clean.

anyway i just changed dd's nappy and freshened her up after bfast, i smelt her bum and it was fine until she farted on me [boak] Grin and once the smell had wafted away she wasnt in the least bit smelly. your babies should NOT smell after you have changed their nappy, if they do you havent wiped them properly! toddlers are slightly diff as their urine/poo smells more but again a good wipe down with a flannel and a bath twice a week or more/less if necessary should be fine unless they are the type (like my ds2 was) who just got filthy by thinking the word dirt!

niminypiminy · 01/12/2011 10:03

How about waterless shampoo? Scroll down to 'no rinse shampoo'.

Sometimes I forget to do the boys' hair for a couple of weeks, it really looks none the worse.

In my view this comes in under the 'lose the battle, win the war' protocol. There really are more important issues to fight over than hair washing.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 01/12/2011 10:05

Please dont dismiss the affect of being scruffy on child.
I swear I am not an uber mummy with shiny, squeaky children.

There are a few of us on here that were scruffy kids and we had a tough time.

I dont think kids need bathing everyday and most dont need their hair washing more than once a week or so.

But please do not just brush off the scruffy thing. (no pun intended).

4madboys · 01/12/2011 10:09

well my children arent scruffy in fact dd is known as the best dressed baby Blush Grin i do take pride in their appearance and dress them in clean, co-ordinating practical clothes, partly i think cos i was young when i had ds1 and got enough of people tutting at me without them thinking that my children looked scruffy/unkempt iykwim.

however my mil refused to take ds1' photo or have a photo of him when he was a toddler as he had longish blonde hair (surfer style) and she said he looked like a 'street urchin' thankfully she said this to dp not me, i may have said something rather curt back...!

Original poster
GoTheFkToSleep · 01/12/2011 10:50

The thing about making children wash frequently NOW, whether they smell, are dirty or not, because otherwise they won't be used to it by the time they reach puberty, is ludicrous. Why not start shaving your daughter's legs now on the same principle? Or your son's chin?

LOL BOSAS Too right. Its a bonkers argument.

OP posts:
naughtymummy · 01/12/2011 11:12

OP I cannot articulate how shocked I am. This is so not okay . I have worked with children with all kinds of special needs and not one of their parents or any hip or educational person thought it would acceptable for them not to wear underwear . It is neglect . I have a 5 year old ddi as well, she is very aware of other children s appearance ,clothing etc .She would certainly comment if one of her contemporaries didn't wear underwear , little girls frequently change their clothes at school, not just for pe .

Original poster
GoTheFkToSleep · 01/12/2011 11:37

Thanks MNers for all the views (abusive ones aside). Nothing anyone has said has convinced me that I need to wash DDs hair if it does not smell/look dirty to an impartial observer, or harbour creepy crawlies. I will conduct a small research study with a select group of trusted and outspoken friends Grin although that will involve fessing up to people that actually know me.

I am glad to know I am not alone in finding that hair washing makes v little difference to anything among those who have tried not bothering.

I am glad that my kids are not being brought up by some of the more control freak characters among you. Equally glad they are not left to fester in unwashed undies for months.

I have to say I have been more convinced by the view that it matters if her clothes are scruffy and weird. Today, for the first time in ages DD has gone to school wearing socks. I told her as it was the 1st of Dec, that means it is winter and socks must be worn. There has been wailing and gnashing of teeth and she limped into school as if she had nails in her shoes. I am still not totally sure it is the right thing to do, but she did look much better. It is yet to be seen whether she is still wearing them when she comes out. Still no knicks tho, just a freshly washed and fragrantly clean pair of school trousers as usual.

OP posts:
degroote78 · 01/12/2011 11:38

Maybe try dry shampoo? Not sure if it's suitable for kids though you'd have to check.

squeakytoy · 01/12/2011 11:42

She is FIVE. You are the boss.

Let her pick her own underwear, so she feels she is having a bit of say in the matter, but you have to insist she wears it. It just is not right for a child of that age to be going to school without wearing knickers.

naughtymummy · 01/12/2011 11:48

Dry shampoo is ringing.,better to leave it alone I reckon (but ringing and lice hunting weekly) It is the no pickers thing that concerns me, will lead to teasing/ostracism imo

naughtymummy · 01/12/2011 11:49

Minging bloody auto correct

Original poster
GoTheFkToSleep · 01/12/2011 11:49

I have tried dry shampoo and when we used that her hair did look dull, sticky and dirty although it smelt lovely. I might give the no rinse shampoo a try though.

OP posts:
naughtymummy · 01/12/2011 11:50

And knickers

valiumredhead · 01/12/2011 11:57

well my children arent scruffy in fact dd is known as the best dressed baby

She is! And has beauuuuuuuuuuuutiful hair! Grin

4madboys · 01/12/2011 12:17

she does indeed, all fluffy and lovely and NEVER touched by shampoo Shock Grin

seriously tho the knickers issue, they are a fairly recent 'social norm' and lots of people dont wear them, i spent years going 'commando' she has clean trousers on everyday and then doesnt get changed for pe, which is the school is happy with is fine.

and if she has to get changed, so what she is 5, my boys are at primary they do swimming and so they get NAKED when they get changed. in reception i am pretty sure htey alll get changed in the same room. now they are 6 and 9 the elder one certainly gets changed in a boys only room not sure about the 6yr old, but he went to a swimming birthday party recently, private hire type thing and most of the kids all aged 5-7 chose to just get changed together, those that wanted to went off into a cubicle. i am sure if the ops dd has a problem or others do with her nakedness when changing she could go and change in the girls toilets.

but there is nothing inherently wrong with not wearing knickers.

actually when ds1 was first potty trained he didnt wear pants, he just wore trousers/shorts for ages as it was easier to pull up and down.

you know i am pretty sure there has been the odd occasion where the madboys dont wear pants under their trousers/shorts i certainly dont check everyday. [shrug]

maxybrown · 01/12/2011 12:18

did you turn them inside out sleep? (the socks not the hair) gnashing of teeth made me lol. DS growls, low level almost constantly it feels like

squeakytoy · 01/12/2011 12:24

seriously tho the knickers issue, they are a fairly recent 'social norm' and lots of people dont wear them

Really? Not in my world. I do not know any parent who happily lets their child go out without knickers on.

valiumredhead · 01/12/2011 12:25

Seriously squeaky I do!

4madboys · 01/12/2011 12:30

i know plenty! and most kids run naked on the beach, little ones anyway.

i shall do a straw poll at the school gate.

there is no law saying people have to wear knickers, they are a victorian invention for modesty, they were right prudes, but you dont have to wear them, i didnt for years and no harm came of me!

sweetsantababy · 01/12/2011 12:30

OP you remind me of a family that stick out in my mind. I saw a lady with 3or 4 children, all really scruffy in a kind of middle class, we're so hip way. I thought they looked quite cool until the little girl smiled at me and her teeth were really manky. Your DD will be judged, rightly or wrongly, do you really want her to be labelled the scruffy smelly kid? Shock TBH I don't think you care because your lazy and that come from a rather lacksyadaisy mum.

4madboys · 01/12/2011 12:31

actually dp took ds4 out the other day with trousers and no pants, he was in a hurry and couldnt be arsed to go upstairs to get any, he reliably informs me. no big deal.

and YES before you say it the beach is different but she IS wearing trousers therefore she is decently dressed and you wouldnt know without checking if she had pants on or not anyway.

sweetsantababy · 01/12/2011 12:32

Isn't your DD cold without socks on?

wearytraveller · 01/12/2011 12:49

seriously tho the knickers issue, they are a fairly recent 'social norm' and lots of people dont wear them

What a load of nonsense! honestly,stop trying to come across so laidback and right on, you just sound very affected and fake. Children should wear knickers, do you want your children to be bullied?

AgentZigzag · 01/12/2011 12:56

'I am glad that my kids are not being brought up by some of the more control freak characters among you. Equally glad they are not left to fester in unwashed undies for months.'

I'm glad my DC aren't being brought up by someone who thinks them going round grufty is OK.

And if your pants are dirty, wash the fuckers ewwwww

AitchTwoOh · 01/12/2011 12:59

i find the acceptance among parents that children should expect to be bullied for being different a little... depressing.