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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

.. to NEVER wash DD's hair...

432 replies

GoTheFkToSleep · 29/11/2011 18:47

She's 5. She hates it, I hate it and two days later its looks the same as before. I think I last washed it about 6 months ago. I do bath the child once a month whether she needs it or not every few days, and she goes swimming every now and then but I am not sure that counts as she won't get in the pool showers. There must be a mild disinfectant effect of the chlorine tho??

OP posts:
Original poster
GoTheFkToSleep · 30/11/2011 23:04

Have been busy today and just got time to catch up. Have clearly opened a can of worms (nits?) here.

Just for the record.

She really does not smell - I do bath her as I said, and I can tell on the rare occasions one of the DCs smells.
She has had nits once, DD 1 has had them twice. I am vigilant as I get them quite often (I work with children and lice love my hair for reasons I dont understand - I wash my hair every other day)
She does look scruffy - but that is the clothes not the hair. Her hair really looks fine.

Genuine thanks to all those who have made suggestions about the clothes. We have tried seamless socks/underwear, different or no washing powder and fabric conditioner, different fabrics (wool and any soft clothing like brushed cotton or fleece are out of the question but she loves shiny synthetic fabrics and linen Confused).

To anyone who is worried about her, she is bright, doing well at school and generally happy as long as I am not trying to wash her hair. She has plenty of friends at school and I promise to monitor the situation carefully..... hope that stops you missing any sleep over her (??!)

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 30/11/2011 23:05

I wouldn't even like to think where the 'extras' that one might expell when one lets rip would go without wearing shreddies under your trousers Sad

(not that it's something I've ever experienced Wink)

madmomma · 30/11/2011 23:07

MidsomerM can I momentarily derail and pick your brain? How is a BO problem treated,( if there's no dodgy underlying cause)?

squeakytoy · 30/11/2011 23:09

She does look scruffy - but that is the clothes not the hair.

But she is your little girl. You buy her clothes. You dress her. You are allowing her to look scruffy.

MidsomerM · 30/11/2011 23:13

Madmomma there are prescribable lotions for underarms, which are quite effective. In extreme cases of excessive sweating surgery is an option, cutting the nerves that trigger sweating. That's very rare though.

WorraLiberty · 30/11/2011 23:16

My daughter just turned 7, at 6 she was generally reluctant to bath and have her hair washed. To start with I would decide we should do it once a week, but never decided on a day, so after a while I decided it should be at least once a month. I woke up one day, realised it had been 3 months since any washing at all

That's not just shocked me, it's actually upset me.

Sorry but that is pure neglect. People look after their dogs better than that...and wash them more frequently too.

If your child had any signs of ingrained dirt on her...and I'm sure after 3 months with no washing at all, she would have...the school would be well within their rights to call SS if they had spotted it.

madmomma · 30/11/2011 23:19

Ah right, thanks Midsomer. My beautiful daughter stinks like a wet alsation if she doesn't scrub & heavily deodorise twice a day! Think it's an early puberty thing though - I've spoken to other Mums who's daughters have stunk through an early puberty.

squeakytoy · 30/11/2011 23:24

Diet can often play a part in how people smell. If you eat a lot of spicy food, onions/garlic, it can come out through your pores.

madmomma · 30/11/2011 23:29

we eat the same stuff squeaky and I can go 3 days without a bath or deodorant and smell better than her after a couple of hrs without deodorant. I can't get the smell out of her clothes sometimes, even on a hot wash with persil bio etc. Bit weird really. She's on top of it though.

Original poster
GoTheFkToSleep · 30/11/2011 23:32

Squeakytoy - I prefer not to torture her, even if she is mine to do with as I will

OP posts:
iwastooearlytobeayummymummy · 30/11/2011 23:34

I've come late to this thread, so apologies if you've heard it already, just keep the hair short, urchin cut or braided if that is more 'girly' and encourage her to wipe it over in the bath with a squeezed out sponge.

Very little harm can come to a well loved, properly fed and cared for child.
YANBU

squeakytoy · 30/11/2011 23:36

It can affect people differently I imagine. I rarely sweat.. even in hot weather, or when exercising.. I never have, apart from when I was aged from about 8 till I was mid teens.. and then it only seemed to be when I wore anything that was acylic (school jumpers) that there was a whiff.

My husband sweats a lot, he has a very physical job, and will literally be dripping in sweat, but he never ever smells either... no body odour at all.

One thing I have noticed that works too, is to use an unscented deodorant. There are very few, but we get the Right Guard one. I do think that sometimes the perfumed smell of a deodorant can mix with sweat, and that can affect the odour, with an unperfumed deodorant this seems to be eliminated.

The right guard one also doesnt leave any white marks or yellow marks on clothes too.

iwastooearlytobeayummymummy · 30/11/2011 23:38

and as for being scruffy, so what?(I'm assuming her clothes have been washed and aren't poo and food stained)

duchesse · 30/11/2011 23:43

A friend of mine used to lodge with a woman who had a 7 yo daughter and never encouraged or made her wash in any way. Friend ended up taking over mother's role re sending child off to shower daily after child started complaining of sore bottom and itchy scalp (turned out she had lice). Child was washing less than 1x week. Poor kid was actually beginning to suffer health problems from it. Not making your children wash is NOT cool or edgy, just manky and neglectful and setting them up for health problems.

Original poster
GoTheFkToSleep · 30/11/2011 23:44

I have a personal theory that anxiety-sweat is smelly and exercise-sweat not so much. I can sweat like a pig when I go for a run but never smell. A stressful day at work is what makes me stink. Puberty is enough to make anyone anxious madmomma but at least you grow out of it (as long as you are a girl - not so sure about boys)

OP posts:
duchesse · 30/11/2011 23:45

squeaky ffs, you sound like my mother!! Of course you sweat! Human beings have vast number of sweat glands. Without them you would probably be dead. You may think you don't sweat, but you do. You don't have to be running in perspiration to be deemed to be sweating. You will for example be sweating a fair amount at night under a warm quilt.

squeakytoy · 30/11/2011 23:51

Of course I sweat!, but what I meant is, I dont literally drip with sweat like some people do.. :) .. it doesnt mean I wouldnt smell if I didnt wash either..

madmomma · 01/12/2011 00:02

Ah yes that would fit actually - she is extremely anxious, bless her.

Morloth · 01/12/2011 02:12

Just get it cut short so neither of you need to bother.

My boys both get crew cuts at the start of terms. Done, no washing, no brushing, no nits.

Maybe not a crew cut, but certainly as short as possible.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/12/2011 04:32

They are now using Botox to treat excessive sweating (if the wrinklies don't use it all up first).

I think that it is not anxiety that makes it smell. It is having the sweat around to grow bacteria that does it. If you are anxious and sweating at work you will be sweating from morning until evening. Presumably, when you exercise you are out of those clothes quickly. Old sweat smells, new sweat doesn't.

4madboys · 01/12/2011 08:12

midsomerm my dd bottom does not smell, its is peachy and fresh and gorgeously soft actually, she is cleaned thoroughly each nappy change with wet wipes, fragrance free, sensitive ones and then a wipe with a flannel wet with water at least once a day. she also has nappy free time everyday crawling round with a bare bottom. you can clean perfectly well with a flannel you dont have to have a soak in the bath or a shower every day and its not necessary esp for babies. if she gets dirty, food in her hair then she gets a quick dunk in the bath, but she doesnt really, she isnt a messy eater (yet!) and my home is pretty clean and tidy so crawling on the floor doesnt get her filthy, and when out she wears clothes, so yes a GOOD wipe with a wet flannel, rinse and then repeat for private parts, dont last obviously is sufficient to a keep a baby clean unless they get properly dirty ie after a crawl round in the garden or the beach etc when she would need a bath.

the boys like a said bath twice a week more if necessary, but they play football, korfball, roll around on the grass, and get dirty like boys do! an 11mth old baby does none of those things and i change her nappy regularly so she is never sitting in stale urine or poo, literally she has a poo and i change her, so she isnt even sat in it for 2mins so no her bottom does smell, if your childs bottom smells then you arent cleaning it properly when you change their nappy midsomerm

4madboys · 01/12/2011 08:14

madmomma my 12yr old ds1 has to shower daily now he is going through puberty, before that a bath /shower twice a week was fine, not now tho he needs to shower each day or he is a bit sweaty, greasy haired.

birdsofshoreandsea · 01/12/2011 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squeakytoy · 01/12/2011 09:45

Eh? How on earth is basic hygiene comparable to vanity grooming?

valiumredhead · 01/12/2011 09:54

Thanks for the tip up thread about 'washing' hair in conditioner! Tried it last night on ds's mop hair and it's worked a treat! He always wakes up looking like he has been dragged through a hedge backwards but this morning it looks fantastic!