.. to NEVER wash DD's hair...

[GoTheFkToSleep]

She's 5. She hates it, I hate it and two days later its looks the same as before. I think I last washed it about 6 months ago. I do bath the child once a month whether she needs it or not every few days, and she goes swimming every now and then but I am not sure that counts as she won't get in the pool showers. There must be a mild disinfectant effect of the chlorine tho??

smilehomebirth

How often do you ensure your daughter's bum and genitals are washed?

My daughter just turned 7, at 6 she was generally reluctant to bath and have her hair washed. To start with I would decide we should do it once a week, but never decided on a day, so after a while I decided it should be at least once a month. I woke up one day, realised it had been 3 months since any washing at all

You keep on kidding yourself that she doesnt smell and doesnt have ingrained dirt on her.

That is neglect, and I am amazed the school havent sent SS round to you yet.

Disgusting.

Poor poor child.

....all the time, energy, money....

This made me feel a little sick. How much energy and time exactly does it take to bathe a 7 year old?

And money? FFS, children in Victorian times bathed more than your child!

And palming it off as a green issue and you're saving the planet by not washing her hair smilehomebirth, is bollocks.

Your DD is happy at the minute because children don't usually know any different to their homelife when they're small, but it won't last forever.

Lazy slattern. Just get on with it and start washing her properly. If 2 days later it looks the same as before, then wash her hair every 2 days.

This thread has made me feeel great! I was feeling bad that DD only had a bath and washed her hair three times a week but now I consider her quite regular.....

YABU and I really hope this is a joke. This is disgusting and I'm shocked you even posted this.

Do the right thing and bathe your child and wash her hair. Do you realise that she could be smelly? That other kids could end up mocking her because of this? You are setting her up for a lifetime of poor hygiene habits. No one likes a smelly person. Yuk!

Honestly some peoples hygiene standards astound me. Do you wash every day?

I am actually in now.

Hair washing is one thing ...bathing though?

My goodness that has to be a joke?

My children bath once a day ...they all need it even the 2 year old!
*
There will be a smell ...you have probably become immune unfortunately.

Poor kid, being set up to the butt of many a joke. Get her bathed and hair washed.

Sorry but she sounds scruffy

I wouldnt say bathing daily is a necessity. Two or three times a week, with daily face and neck washing should be sufficient for any child.

But to never wash hair is just gross. I dont care if it is supposedly "self cleaning".. because I actually do not believe that, and honestly think that the people who do are really kidding themselves. Kids wipe their grubby hands on their hair, we live in a polluted environment.

Animals dont regularly wash and shampoo their fur, and we all know how much that stinks when it gets wet in the rain.

DS1 has SPD as part of his autism, I'm afraid we just had to battle through the screaming.

Hair, nails, face wash, underwear were all battles. Now, hair is done once a week with minimal screaming (ie, he screams while it's done then stops, used to continue before and after for fucking hours.) Nails are done by my SIL as for some reason he lets her. Pants were just not optional (he is still unreliable with TT) so just insisted. He copes now, but it took a while. As in, he's six and it's been in the last few months that things have calmed.

But you do have to insist and be consistent, and I say that as one of the world's most lackadaisical parents!

Huge difference between the OP and someone who hasn't made sure their child has had a bath for 3 months.

Even if she doesn't smell she probably has a tide mark round her neck, when I was a child I had a bath once a week and one of the teachers pointed out a tide mark to Mum. Children get grubby and definitely need a dunk in a bath at least once a week.

Gothefuckmummyella - why did you post this in AIBU? I've now read your other thread and it seems you're not daft about her underwear, but very concerned and trying to get it sorted. I read this thread thinking you were just a bit odd/carefree about letting certain things slip, but actually you're only laughing as you've struggled so much.
So I wish you well in getting the underwear sorted. The hair washing is no big deal really and I wouldn't be too bothered by it if she's a strong character who won't be a victim to bullies.

Oh right, so only children with weak characters are bothered when they're bullied Harecare?

Not true.

I agree ZigZag, a kid might be strong enough to not let the bullies know they are getting to her, what she feels inside is a completely different thing.

Face and neck should be washed? Surely bums and bits are the really dirty bits?

They should be washed every couple of days at least! Kids, especially once they start school so are doing it themselves, often don't wipe bums and bits properly. I've noticed my wee one being a tiny bit niffy at times and we've had to talk about wiping properly. But she gets a bath at least every two days, more if required!

Kids who never wash must just smell of pee and dirty bum. But then if everyone in the family are mingers then obviously no one notices!

I was a dirty, scruffy kid and I was bullied and had a dreadful time.
I wasnt 'neglected', I had a fairly ok home life with parents who loved me. They were just a bit slack on things like hair, nails and clothes.

I dont think kids do get that smelly unless they are very dirty but they will be picked on. Its not right but it is the way things are.

So even though your DD hates having her hair washed I do think you should address it.
She will get picked on at some point and its not nice.

It probably explains my adult life long obession with clothes and skin care/makeup and getting my hair done. And my belief that I am a bit skanky.

well i havent washed my dd's hair yet and she will be one next week :) its not smelly or dirty, it has been rinsed a handful of times when she has been bathed but then she has had maybe 5 baths since she was born? she gets a good wipe down when i change her nappy and a wipe with a damp flannel if she needs it, but otherwise she is fine.

my ds4 who is 3 is bathed twice a week? sometimes more, sometimes less, same for my 6 and 9yr old, i wash the 6 and 9 yr olds hair once a week or sometimes once a fortnight, sometimes less, depending on if it needs it.

the 3 yr old has his hair washed infrequently as it doesnt need it. he has fine baby hair and it doesnt get greasy or smelly. it gets wet when he has a bath but not washed with shampoo very often.

the 6 and 9 yr old gets wet at bathtime but only washed with shampoo once a week or so.

my 12yr old has a shower everyday, this has started in the last 6mths or so as he got a bit older and is starting to go through puberty and so needs to shower every day and he has long very thick hair that is now starting to get greasy so it needs washing.

i wash my hair twice a week, its fine and doesnt need it anymore than that. i shower every day, or have a strip wash with just water no soap as i am extremely allergic.

we are all clean and not smelly. you dont have to use soap and shampoo to get clean, especially younger children.

re the wearing pants things, i dont see it as a big deal, i didnt wear pants when younger, just changed my trousers everyday as the op does wiht her dd. you dont need to wear pants, i only started as after having children i got more umm discharge and so it is more comfortable to wear pants but at 5yrs old i doubt the dd has much if any discharge and so there is no real need to wear pants.

it sounds like the school are on board with the sensory issues which is good, you could always try some of the links on here to the pants with no seams as they look good. and as long as her hair gets wet say once or twice a week and is brushed daily then i am sure its fine :)

4madboys- try sniffing your baby's bottom and see if it smells. It will. If you got poo smeared all over your buttocks every day, would you consider a wipe with a flannel to be enough to make you feel clean?

I wish the boys could get away with only being bathed every other night. They get filthy. By the time they've had dinner, they're covered in food and that's often on the top of paint, pen, dirt and sand, occasional snot and anything else they care to roll in. Their arses also stink - specially DS2's as he's doubly incontinent and still in nappies.

Hair, we set out to wash 4 times a week, but ingrained food, playdough etc usually mean it ends up being more often.

but at 5yrs old i doubt the dd has much if any discharge and so there is no real need to wear pants

The seams on the insides of trousers are more likely to cause irritation, as is the material itself unless it is 100% cotton. Also, supposing the child poured something down themselves, or any other reason that under normal circumstances it would be reasonable to say "just take your trousers off quickly and we can dry them" for example.. how humiliating for the child to have no underwear on.

Additionally, kids will often have little chats with each other about what they are wearing, especially if their underwear has their favourite cartoon character on, or is something pretty that they got as a treat, so how must the kid who has none on feel when her peers ask her what she has got on.

Lastly, there is a reason why kids underwear can be bought with the days of the week on it.... so that the kid knows it should be changed daily... . no bloody hope if the parent doesnt help the child learn about hygiene :(

DD (3.5y) has a bath nightly and a bum/bits and face wash every morning (with different flannels ;) ) She hates getting her hair washed too so we do it once a week on a Sunday. Her hair is always worn in a pony tail and I can only tell it needs a wash around the weekend when I take her hair bobbles out at bedtime. Some of my friends are horrified as they wash their DC hair daily. I wash mine daily too, but she really doesn't need to. Having said this, if she got something in it I would wash her hair in addition to the once a week rule.

to the op - would some sort of sticker/incentive chart not help?

I cannot believe this....it must be an exaggeration that you have not washed her hair in 6 months!!! This is not only bad for her hair/scalp, but also as another logger indicates, will negatively impact her hygiene and how other children or teachers perceive her. You need to gently but with some degree of firmness indicate that having regular showers and grooming herself is not only good for her, but also will give a good impression about her to others. Maybe play SPA-DAY, buy her very nice toiletries, play hair salon, buy her a nice head-band or things she can put on once her hair is nice, clean and smelly lovely.
Many children are afraid of soap in their eyes....so be careful that this does not happen. Bath or shower time should be a time children enjoy...make it playful or let her wash your hair too one time, so that she does not feel she is the only one having to wash her hair... give her praise and encourage her when she gets her hair washed.
It is so important to teach children about always keeping high standard of hygiene - it is so sad and inconvenient when I see adults so untidy, with dirty hair, smelling poorly.....think Tube! think confined spaces! think all the bad times you have experience because somebody did not care to be clean and you are stuck with them wishing you could be hundred miles away!!!!!

Get her in the Boden catalogue quick, they love the little urchin look, barefoot and holding a jar of tadpoles

When I was younger, it was a shared bath twice a week and hair wash once a week. Have massively cut back on the showers and baths for older dc as realised it was overly drying and stripping the hair and skin. The youngest however still requires regular hosing off.

At 5 years old they often have their quirkinesses, so dc won't stand out too much. I might try to win on the wearing of knickers though by about 7 though, for PE changing purposes, especially for swimming which is often part of the curriculum.

I guess a bubblebath, toy and lights phantasmagoria in the bath won't lure her in?