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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Daughter age 6 wants to be vegetarian...think I may be BU?

171 replies

SnakePlisskensMum · 29/11/2011 17:06

This is my first AIBU, I'm a long time lurker but I genuinely need help with this one please.
As a family we eat meat approx. four times a week and always enjoy a roast dinner together on a Sunday. I have always been totally open with the kids about what they are eating, where it comes from etc. We shop at the local farm shop whenever we can so they have seen the animals wandering about and understand that they are what ends up on their plate.

My DD (6) is a complete animal fanatic and as such has said that she doesn't want meat anymore. I can sympathise with her as I have half-heartedly considered vegetarianism on occasion. I cook for all four of us and do not want to make special meals for a 6 year old. I've told her that she will have to eat the same as us until she is old enough to have an opinion. Obviously this would be different if she had any allergies or intolerances but she hasn't.

My husband comes home late in the week so often I make two meals and do not want another complication thrown into the mix. However, I'm not sure if I'm being fair to her to make her eat something she has clearly said she doesn't want because of her beliefs (albeit a 6 year olds) which may/will probably change at the drop of a hat. If she was a teen it would be a different proposition and I would assume it was more considered, IYSWIM?
Please tell me, AIBU? I'm quite prepared to accept I am.

OP posts:

mumeeee · 29/11/2011 17:10

At six I would just do what you are doing. As you say six year old can change their minds a lot. But would it be possible for you to cook a vegetarian meal for everyone once or twice a week?

Esta3GG · 29/11/2011 17:11

If she is anything like I was she just won't eat the meat - that will impact on her nutrition. Better to replace the meat with soya/quorn and then you are sure she is getting the protein she needs.

Vegetariansim really isn't the massive hooha people think it is.

AMumInScotland · 29/11/2011 17:11

At 6, I doubt this is a serious well-thought out plan for the rest of her life. If she still feels the same in a few months, then I might consider it to be a serious choice, but not just the first time she mentions it.

Until people are old enough to prepare their own meals, I think the amount of choice they get about their diet has to be limited.

If she stays serious about it for a while, could you consider doing non-meat meals 3 nights a week or something like that? Since you've considered it for yourself, I assume that wouldn't be a big hassle.

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 29/11/2011 17:13

Make her very favourite foods, she'll soon "forget" or change her mind when she's hungry.

alison222 · 29/11/2011 17:13

re the roast dinner - cook a couple of quorn sausages at the same time and give her this in place of the roast.

Does she eat pulses? Dairy? You have to replace the protein some how and the calories too. I remember reading a book DH had when he had turned vegetarian about having to do it gradually to let your digestive system adjust to the change in diet and how to ensure that you were getting all the nutrition from your food. IIRC it advocated doing it slowly - so first dropping red meat then white then fish and gradually replacing it with other things.

I totally understand you not wanting to cook twice.

it depends on what the rest of the family would normally eat as to whether you can easily subsitute something with no meat for DD.

(After 20 odd years DH is now eating meat again mainly due to my DS allergies and me not wanting to cook so many different meals.)

MotherPanda · 29/11/2011 17:13

My oldest sister decided to be a vegetarian when she was six years old, and she still is now at 27. (she asked my mum why lamb is called lamb... my mum said it's because it is, and that was that)

Please respect your daughters wishes - children do have opinions and they should be valued. if she isn't serious about it then she will start asking for sausages again - do offer her vegetarian food (it can be very simple, quorn do lots of food that's easy to throw in the oven).

Kladdkaka · 29/11/2011 17:14

My daughter used to decide to be vegetarian quite a lot when she was little. I used to say that was fine, her choice, and then I'd cook up a batch of spaghetti bolognaise and watch her resolve crumble ... :o

AFuckingFestiveKnackeredWoman · 29/11/2011 17:14

Ds decided at 7 he would be a veggie. I found it easy just to switch everyone to quorn and what not -The price is pretty much the same as the meat alternatives.#

He is 9 now and eats fish, bacon, chicken and burgers, but mince has to be quorn and he still wont touch lamb.

He was articulate enough to explain his choice and i felt i had to respect that

PopcornMouse · 29/11/2011 17:15

Just continue to cook your normal roast or whatever, and let her eat everything but the meat. Simples. Make sure she eats plenty of protein sources of course, but it really doesn't involve cooking a whole 'nother meal.

TeddyBare · 29/11/2011 17:15

I think YABU. At 6 she is old enough to have food preferences. Would you force her to eat anything else she doesn't like? I don't think it matters why she doesn't like any particular food (after all, food preferences are often irrational) and I think it's setting her up for a bad relationship with food if you don't give her some autonomy over what and how much she eats (within reason).

Perhaps you could use Quorn to make it easier? Or cook veggie food for the whole family during the week, so that it would only involve extra planning and prep at the weekends when you have more time.

Original poster

SnakePlisskensMum · 29/11/2011 17:15

Thats the thing Esta3GG, I want her to get the protein but I don't want to have to cook 'another' thing i.e soya/quorn. I have no objection to vegetarianism at all but my DH and DS both really enjoy meat.
Mumeee, I do cook a veggie meal a couple of times a week but as you have said, it is more the point that we all have the same...I don't want to change my cooking habits for a 6 year old if I can help it. Unless I'm BU of course!

OP posts:

JaneFonda · 29/11/2011 17:15

At what precise point do you think she is entitled to an opinion? You sound quite mean, really.

At nine I decided I wanted to be veggie... still going now, you don't know whether it's a phase or not so just let her do it. If it is just a phase, then you'll have the 'moral victory', and if it's not, support her in her decision.

It may sound like I'm being overly serious about a six year old wanting to turn veggie, but I think when it comes to what a person puts in their body, it should be their own decision, particularly when you have educated your children so well on what they're eating.

Bloodymary · 29/11/2011 17:16

Hmm, a friends child did this at the age of 10, they decided to go with it, (Linda McCartney was their friend).
One day Dad took all DCs to an event where all of the other children wanted a burger/hotdog from the stall afterwards, of course the child in question could not resist!!!
Problem solved!

Personally I would go down the same route if I were you.
And I intend to do the same if my little girl (6) does the same.

lashingsofbingeinghere · 29/11/2011 17:19

YANBU

6 is too young to be deciding to drop such an important food source. Also, as there are four of you, I assume you have another DC. What will happen if s/she starts demanding different foods?

Young children drift in and out of these ideas, and I don't think you should change your cooking/shopping for what may turn out to be a whim.

If she turns out to be a committed vegetarian then you will clearly not have corrupted her; if not, you did the right thing anyway. Everyone wins.

grovel · 29/11/2011 17:19

JaneFonda, that's a bit mean of you. OP is seriously considering her options (and her daughter's) and seeking advice.

Original poster

SnakePlisskensMum · 29/11/2011 17:20

I get what you mean TeddyBare, I do respect her wishes and have tried really hard to not have big issues with food, we're mostly really laid back and until now, the DC's have pretty much eaten what I've given them. Its not a new thing either, she's been telling me for about a month or so that she doesn't want to eat animals. I might give it a go and see if she changes her mind or not. As I've said, if she was older I wouldn't have any problem with it (apart from the additional cooking). Guess I'll have to get over that!

OP posts:

GertieGooseBoots · 29/11/2011 17:20

"I've told her that she will have to eat the same as us until she is old enough to have an opinion"

Um. She has an opinion, which she has expressed to you. If you choose to ignore it, don't kid yourself that you're not treating her with disrespect.

If she's less important to you than the inconvenience of preparing separate meals, at least be honest about it. She'll interpret it that way anyway. YABU.

elinorbellowed · 29/11/2011 17:22

I hope my children do this. I wanted so much to raise them vege, but it hasn't been possible, (and would have been cruel) with a meat-eating DP. DS asks a lot of questions and he knows that I don't eat meat, so maybe he'll feel this way soon.
I think you should respect her decisions without making a big deal about it and she'll feel listened to without having to commit for life just yet.
Why not cook vege meals and just add a bit of bacon or mince for the carnivores? It's only one more pan. And baked feta or halloumi is a dead easy replacement for roast meat. Or extra stuffing with some grated cheese.

abirdinthehand · 29/11/2011 17:22

I am veggie - it is quite a recent decision. let her not eat meat at family meals - you can make up her protein by giving her peanut butter sandwiches, cheese and yoghurts for snacks etc, and including beans / lentils in sauces etc. And if you are doing a meal with say, sausages, it honestly will not take any longer to put 2 veggie sausages in the tray as well. If she sticks at it for more than a week or two, you can plan your meals more carefully, but why not just let her do what she wants for a week or two and see if it lasts? No point getting all confrontational about it if she soon changes her mind - on the other hand if she's still determined after a while, you can look into planning your meals more carefully to make sure she gets everything she needs.

coffeesleeve · 29/11/2011 17:22

My sister decided she wanted to become a vegetarian at 6, and still is now, aged 38.

I feel sorry for my poor mum, dealing with a veggie child in the 1970s! But she did it. Not entirely sure how, as I was only a baby then (I was born when my sister was 5).

Nowadays we all go veggie at Xmas (we have a veggie tradition dating back 20+ years, and it seems untraditional to have turkey now). I went veggie at 12 but gave up when I was 20/21; my mum now only eats fish, no meat.

I say let her try it, if she's like my sister then she's sure about what she wants. But, get her cooking for herself as soon as possible

Original poster

SnakePlisskensMum · 29/11/2011 17:24

I'm really not mean JaneFonda, honestly, if it was something else she had decided she didn't like i.e. vegetables, I would still serve them and encourage her to eat them, however, I do get the not eating meat thing and thinks its important to try to get it right for her own nutritional needs.
Thanks everyone.

OP posts:

tardisjumper · 29/11/2011 17:25

Its odd how on the fussy eater threads you get the - they will eat or starve comments, but on here the mother is is meanie for making her eat things she doesn't like.

Not saying veggie is the same as being a fussy eater, but it does present the same probs as a fussy eater. I dread having a child who did this, mainly because of the cost. If they were a teenager I would do it if they funded the difference, but a 6 yo, I don't know what I would do.

SoupDragon · 29/11/2011 17:25

If she is old enough to make the decision perhaps she is old enough to make her own meals.

Original poster

SnakePlisskensMum · 29/11/2011 17:27

GertieGooseBoots....eeer, thats why I'm asking AIBU...I wasn't sure if 6 was too young or not.
coffeesleeve, your mum was ahead of the game, theres no way my mum would've done that!

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 29/11/2011 17:27

Obviously I am not serious. However, her decision would mean more work for the cook or everyone going along with her opinion and eating veggie.

Isn't quorn loaded with salt?

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