Daughter age 6 wants to be vegetarian...think I may be BU?

[SnakePlisskensMum]

This is my first AIBU, I'm a long time lurker but I genuinely need help with this one please.
As a family we eat meat approx. four times a week and always enjoy a roast dinner together on a Sunday. I have always been totally open with the kids about what they are eating, where it comes from etc. We shop at the local farm shop whenever we can so they have seen the animals wandering about and understand that they are what ends up on their plate.

My DD (6) is a complete animal fanatic and as such has said that she doesn't want meat anymore. I can sympathise with her as I have half-heartedly considered vegetarianism on occasion. I cook for all four of us and do not want to make special meals for a 6 year old. I've told her that she will have to eat the same as us until she is old enough to have an opinion. Obviously this would be different if she had any allergies or intolerances but she hasn't.

My husband comes home late in the week so often I make two meals and do not want another complication thrown into the mix. However, I'm not sure if I'm being fair to her to make her eat something she has clearly said she doesn't want because of her beliefs (albeit a 6 year olds) which may/will probably change at the drop of a hat. If she was a teen it would be a different proposition and I would assume it was more considered, IYSWIM?
Please tell me, AIBU? I'm quite prepared to accept I am.

I think as you have been so honest about what she is eating and where it comes from, you really have to let her have her opinion. I think ignoring her wishes will make her more determind.

We lived on a farm when DC were young and when she was about 7 DD decided she couldn't eat the little animals she could see every day.

She just eat what we had, except meat was substituted with quorn/veggie product which taste vile.

She did it for about 6 weeks when a bacon sandwich was her downfall. She later admitted she really missed the meat.

Thats how I feel tardisjumper, thanks.
SoupDragon, thats what my DH said :)

sorry ate

OP - cooking a veggy sausage or burger is not the end of the world!
10 minutes and it is done!
It has never been easier to whip up veggy alternatives. Supermarkets are full of them.

(Although tell that to my son's school who can't be arsed to provide him with a veggy substitute for Xmas lunch so he will be all by himself with a packed lunch whilst they are all snarfing down on turkey. Gits.)

I would try to accommodate her choice for now, but make minimal effort. You don't eat meat every day - how about one day less and then you only have 3 days to feed her vege sausages etc?

With many meals it is quite straightforward to include a veggie option. My husband eats meat but the rest of us (me, DD, DS) are vegetarian - we manage very well! DS (6) recently decided he wanted to be a meat eater. I respected his opinion (oh yes, 6-year-olds are certainly capable of having opinons!) and he gave it a go, but has decided he doesn't really like it.

I became a vegetarian as a child, though I was a bit older than your daughter. I would have absolutely hated it if my parents had told me I had to eat meat, it would really have upset me.

My dd3 decided just over a year ago that she wouldn't eat pigs any more, she was 5.5 at the time. She loves pigs and cried whenever we had anything pig related for dinner!

A year later and she's still not eating pigs, so don't assume your dd will change her mind about meat any time soon :)

QuickLookBusy, I've a feeling she would be the same but who knows, she may surprise me!
If my DH and DS were prepared to eat veggie then it wouldn't be such a problem for me.
I do work but mostly school hours so I do have plenty of time to cook.

When I was about 10 I decided I wanted to be a vegetarian (didn't like the thought of eating animals - like your DD). My mum, who didn't want me to stop eating a main food source and have to cook different meals for me and my DB, told me that if I wanted to be vegetarian then I wouldn't be able to eat chocolate or cakes any more, wouldn't be able to have cereal with milk for breakfast etc as all of these are made with animal products. Being a bit dense just 10 years old and never having heard of veganism (is that a word?) before I didn't realise the trick she was playing on me. Decided it was better to eat animals and be able to eat chocolate and cakes and never mentioned it again!

Most probably gonna get flamed for even suggesting deceiving your DD, but maybe you could try something along these lines with her, it may help you gauge just how serious she is about it all? Of course, this could all backfire if she agrees never to have choc/cake again!

Where a parent is already vegetarian it is easy. When they are not, it is a whole new area of cooking to learn (just replacing the meat with a eat Substitute just seems crap to me :))

I wouldn't be happy trying to cater for one vegetarian and 3 meat eaters every meal on a daily basis.

I really do think that making a child eat meat against their wishes is very different to making them eat a carrot or bit of broccoli.

Because your DD knows that a piece of meat was alive and had to be killed for her to eat it, I really think her wishesshould be taken into account.

I think you should try and go with it tbh. She's old enough to have an opinion, she's expressed it etc etc as others have said. I do get that cooking separately is a PITA though... I also think Quorn 'ready made' products are outrageously salty but maybe that's just me.

So, how to make it work:
Home-made pizza with different toppings so everyone can top their own.
Spag bol - make the tomato sauce first then hive some off for DD before adding the mince, she can have extra cheese for her protein.
Sausages - just as easy to stick a couple of vege ones in, as others have said.
Omlettes - make one without ham
Sunday roast - don't cook her anything extra, add another veg and let her just eat a mix of veg and potatoes.
Packed lunches - peanut butter, houmous, etc - all good protein sources. Cheese I think adults need to take care with but DCs still need fats at this stage so don't worry too much about that.

Is she talking about giving up fish as well? If not, tuna pasta - pasta with a sauce made of tomatoes, veg and a tin of tuna is a great standby, good alternative to spag bol as well. You can also make great veggie burgers by boiling up lentils with water and tom puree, chopped onion, some spices. Let mix cool then add some breadcrumbs, make into patties, put on greased baking sheet and bake - they are really yummy, healthy and cost about 3p each! And go great with 'traditional' burger accompaniments. (You can also make a batch and freeze them wrapped individually so easy to just pop a couple in if others are eating meaty).

I will stop now before this turns into a book

As a confirmed meat-eater who wants to be a bit healthier, and eat better quality, ethically produced meat (costs more, therefore need to eat less of it) I have just bought Hugh Fearnly-Whittingstal's latest Tome "Veg" - it's fantastic - loads of veggie packed meals that you can supplement with a little meat for those who want it, but don't need to scrimp on the nutrition for those who choose not to have the added meat.

I commend this book to the house.

I'd just rethink your meal plan a little bit and try to do some family-friendly meals that always have a veggie option. So...tacos one night with all the fixings (her protein could be refried (mashed) beans mixed with a little chili powder and salsa), make your own pizza-night where everyone can add what they like, pasta with tomato sauce, chives & basil (parmesan on hers, a little cooked bacon for everyone else), Burgers (do a veggie burger for her) and have lots of healthy toppings like lettuce and tomato, olives, avocado etc.

Veggie friendly meals that everyone likes could be a great veggie chili or a curry of some sort.

PB and jam sandwich on whole-wheat always a good fall-back and make sure she's getting lots of healthy fat in the form of avocadoes, nuts, nut butters, olive oil (my kids love to dip bread in oil and balsamic vinegar).

Thats my dilemma QuickLookBusy, its much more important. Thats why I want to try to get it right and think I may have BU.

Thanks WilsonFrickett! Some good ideas. She hasn't mentioned fish yet

Sounds like she feels strongly about it and she has put thought into it. I'd support it if I were you - doing so could allow her to learn an important lesson about standing up for values and principles.
Meals don't have to be difficult, as said before it takes no effort to chuck a quorn fillet in the oven when the Sunday joint is in there. If you would be prepared to make the effort to support a veggie teen then I don't know why you can't for your daughter the age she is now really.

I don't think it would be that easy and I don't eat much meat anyway.

Children would have to like veggie meals too and some are a bit alternative

My meal plan this week:
stir fry with peanut sauce and noodles (V)
beetroot risotto with poached egg (V)
aduki bean casserole (V)
bean and tomato curry with rice (V) (maybe plus sausages and I admit this would be easy)
boston baked beans with streaky pork steaks - these are cooked into the meal so not poss to do veggie version
sausage and rootveg casserole - same as above
turkey and egg meatloaf - how the hell would you make this veggie?!

You see the prob? Some 6yo would eat the veggie meals, but would they all?

I just find it odd that you have to be a certain "age" for your opinion to be valued. She was clearly telling you her opinion. You were asking whether you should ignore it or not, not whether she was old enough to have one??
Plus you reminded me of my mum. Sorry if I was a bit kneejerk in response, but all that "when you're old enough to have an opinion stuff" does not make for a relationship based on mutual respect, do as you would be done by and all that.

I wasn't allowed to be vegetarian until I was 18 and left home for uni. My parents said it was a silly fad, unhealthy etc. Meals could be torture because I disliked meat so much. I could force down things like mince by mixing them in with other things but things like roasts or stews in big chunks . I spent hours at the table gagging and retching being made to eat up. At 34 I still don't eat meat and now my folks accept it and cook veggie for me! It is awful to have to eat meat if you really don't like it so maybe simple easy to do substitutions (like veggie sausages when you have meat ones as someone else suggested) or just no meat may be the way. As long as her nutrients are OK across say a week, it would be OK to have just the veg with a roast dinner.

I would put 8yrs as the age. I would say that you understand her feelings, but it is a big change in the cooking arrangements so you are not doing it as a whim so if she still thinks the same on her 8th birthday you will go with the change.

OP - cooking a veggy sausage or burger is not the end of the world!
10 minutes and it is done!
It has never been easier to whip up veggy alternatives. Supermarkets are full of them

It wouldn't be that simple for me because I wouldn't buy veggie sausages or burgers or ready made. I would also make it absolutely plain to her what it meant-e.g. it is a life choice and not faddy eating so she would have to eat all vegetables etc.
.

I wouldn't mention the fishies for now, just see how you go. That's not because I'm anti her becoming 'full' veggie, but just because I think it will be harder for you to make sure she's getting enough protein and it really cuts down on the number of family meals you'll be able to conjure out of thin air.

A tin of tuna, some fish fingers, smoked mackerel and I could feed a family for a fortnight. Kinda.

I think you sound lovely!
I would be worried about the additional hassle of cooking three separate meals and nutritional needs etc.
I would be inclined to listen to her though. I always wanted to be a veggie when I was small and my mum never listened to me. I hated the idea of eating animals.. I grew out of it and love meat now. But eating meat used to make me gag. I used to eat stew and actually imagine it was cow flesh and it made me want to vomit. I started eating meat again when I was pg with ds1 at aged 25 but for a long time I couldnt even go in a butchers.
Have a look at some veggie recipes and see what you think.

Thanks for the lovely recipe ideas everyone. Making me hungry!
No, I was really asking if she was old enough to have an opinion....to be honest, my mum would've ignored my request at that age and as I really don't want to turn into my mum I decided to see what you all thought.

Two of mine went veggie at seven and eight. They are still veggie at fifteen and sixteen.
It's not that difficult, there are plenty of veggie meals that you can add meat to afterwards, various pasta dishes and risottos for example.