Daughter age 6 wants to be vegetarian...think I may be BU?

[SnakePlisskensMum]

This is my first AIBU, I'm a long time lurker but I genuinely need help with this one please.
As a family we eat meat approx. four times a week and always enjoy a roast dinner together on a Sunday. I have always been totally open with the kids about what they are eating, where it comes from etc. We shop at the local farm shop whenever we can so they have seen the animals wandering about and understand that they are what ends up on their plate.

My DD (6) is a complete animal fanatic and as such has said that she doesn't want meat anymore. I can sympathise with her as I have half-heartedly considered vegetarianism on occasion. I cook for all four of us and do not want to make special meals for a 6 year old. I've told her that she will have to eat the same as us until she is old enough to have an opinion. Obviously this would be different if she had any allergies or intolerances but she hasn't.

My husband comes home late in the week so often I make two meals and do not want another complication thrown into the mix. However, I'm not sure if I'm being fair to her to make her eat something she has clearly said she doesn't want because of her beliefs (albeit a 6 year olds) which may/will probably change at the drop of a hat. If she was a teen it would be a different proposition and I would assume it was more considered, IYSWIM?
Please tell me, AIBU? I'm quite prepared to accept I am.

OP as you've said in your last post that she's been asking for a month. I would let her go vegetarian. You've said you already do vegetarian meals 3 days a week so why don't you cook them 4 days a week. Give her veggie burgers or sausages on the meat eating days. Try it for a short while and see how everyone gets on.

In my family of 4 I am veggie, DS 1 & DS2 became veggie a couple of years ago and DH eats meat and is gluten intolerant. I make meals with quorn for all of us ( it is said to contain gluten, but it must be in tiny amounts because it does not affect DH unless coated in crumbs or sausages) DH has eat at weekends and we have nut roasts, or braised tofu ( yum yum) once you decide to cook in this way to accommodate differing requirements it is not difficult.

"Does she actually understand that being vegetarian doesn't meat just not having the meat part of a meal? Does she actually like the things vegetarians would have to eat to get the correct nutrition?

(can I just point out that I am happy to cater for vegetarian guests, I am not anti veggie)

"I just find it odd that you have to be a certain "age" for your opinion to be valued"

In that case, lets allow 6 year olds to vote :)

Keeping a meat-free child healthy is not just a question of substituting quorn etc. At 6 a young child needs adequate supplies of omega 3, vit B12, protein (obvs) and iron and whilst these are available in veggie sources they may not be as easily absorbed or may be contained only in foods the child dislikes.
here

The OP has said very firmly she doesn't want to prepare separate foods for her DD.

Kids do become anaemic on veggie diets so this is not a simple decision for the OP to make. It's not one for a 6 year old to take either. I would say something like, meat is important and will help you to grow. If you gave up meat, we would need to make some very different meals for you, and I'm afraid I don't want to do that. If you still feel the same way when you are old enough to make your most of your own meals, then we can discuss it."

I see no harm in reducing the number of meat meals the OP makes, but this is a fudge - you can't be a little bit vegetarian.

Blimey. DD 'had an opinion' when she was four. No more meat (including fish).

Six years on she is still of the same opinion. If we are having meat she will have a quorn or cauldron sausage plus all the veggies we have. Sometimes she will have an omelette in place of the meat, or cheese.

Ideally she would be vegan but I'm afraid I have drawn the line at that. I've told her that's for when she cooks for herself - I'm not an enthusiastic or good enough cook to make her enough high protein vegan dishes.

I would say make it easy for her to be a veggie and then it will be easy for her to change back if she wants to. Sounds like she has been thinking about it for a while and her opinion is valid. She might find she changes her mind eventually.

DS was veggie between the ages of about six and ten and then just decided to eat meat again. No big deal.

I wanted to be a vegetarian for about a day when I was 6, until I actually realised it meant giving up meat .
I think 6 is really too young to make that decision, and it would be crazy to rejig your entire family's diet.

I think you can value an opinion without having to comply with it, but I think you need to consider carefully the reason you're going to ignore it, rather than it's unhealthy/dangerous etc or whatever.

If we did let 6 year olds vote, i don't think the country would be in any worse a state? Wasn't there that financial experiment where a 5 year old picked shares up against 'experts' and did better?

OP, I am sorry for getting all prickly at you. Fwiw, I do respect the fact you are asking for opinions rather than just laying down the law. [Firm handshake, and exits thread]

I went veggie at 13, and my
Mum told me I could only do it if I cooked for myself. So began the next twenty years or so of poor nutrition, substituting meat with cheese, eating not enough protein and too much carbohydrate and fat. Make sure you educate your daughter on nutrition and how to cook a healthy diet as a veggie. Being vegetarian isn't unhealthy, but being a lazy uneducated one is.

And I mistyped my first line, should read: "e.g. it's" not "rather than"...

Of course 6 year olds are able to have opinions, and valid ones at that! The difficult part is whether or not you acquiesce or decide as an adult that this is an opinion/preference that can't be fulfilled. For e.g., it could be that her being a "pescatarian" is a valid option for now, but her becoming vegan would be too much (too complicated for different meals, difficult to get right nutrients if you're not used to it, shock to the system etc.)

I think maybe it's best (particularly if she has been asking for a month - it must be important to her) to talk it through with her - say that she can try going without meat for a couple of days/weeks, and if at any point she changes her mind, then she can go back to eating meat. All this "oh, wave a bacon sarnie in front of her, she'll soon change her mind!" seems a bit vindictive to me

lashings does raise a really good point. Omega 3s and Iron would be a challenge for child vegetarians, I would think, as most kids aren't on friendly terms with hemp and flax, chickpeas, peanuts, dried apricots and leafy greens. Yes, you can supplement but as an ex-vegan I can attest that some people just don't absorb those particular nutrients in supplement form as well as they would in their natural form (heme iron found in meat and omega 3s in fish). B12 is easily obtainable in eggs and dairy products and not usually a problem unless you're vegan.

My surprisingly enlightened mother let my sister stop eating meat at 4. She's now in her 50's and still veggie.
I can't imagine much worse for someone's relationship with food than being forced to consume dead animals if you didn't want to.

Thats the thing ditziness, I did a diploma years ago that included nutrition so I am very keen to make sure she has a well balanced diet and wouldn't really be happy to just substitute meat with a veggie sausage or burger at every meal, just on occasions. I always seem to be at the cooker as it is but I really do respect the fact that she seems to really 'get it' and I would hate her to have issues with being made to eat when she really didn't want to. As someone else said, its not like being made to eat a carrot or something.
I'm going to nick some of your ideas from here and cook them for the whole family. It will be interesting to see if my DH and DS notice to be honest

Yabu. Vegetarianism comes under "don't sweat the small stuff". For both cost and " getting our 5 a day" we frequently eat veggie anyway ( meals this week that i cooked at the weekend include a Dahl type curry, sweet potato soup and a peperonata type pasta sauce).

Meat isn't a big deal. Easier to cook veggie and add a bit of meat for the carnivores tbh.

However I've always said if they wanted to do veggie we'd do it " properly" not simply by eating lots of cheese and " meat substitutes"

Watch out for the oestrogen content in soya based products. There are limits advised for children. Veggie pre prepped stuff can also be v high in salt

Yes you are being thoroughly unreasonable.

Wanting to become a vegetarian is compeltely different to be a fussy eater! When will she be old enough to have a valid opinion? She's decided that eating animals is cruel and morally doesn't want to eat it. I'd say that's a very mature daughter you have there, for her to have that view.

Why on earth are you turning around and telling her that she's too young to make that decision. Will you still be saying that to her when she's 20?

Making vegetarian meals is really easy. If you want meat then you could fry some bacon and add it later, or do a regular meal and shove some quorn in the oven. Quorn mince is actually nicer than regular mince (and better for you....) I'm sure no one would notice if you substituted that for your whole family.

I think it's incredibly selfish of you to even think of refusing her (very valid) request so you're not inconvenienced!

agree with soupDragon.

Am also somewhat that people on here are advocating essentially feeding a child on a diet of burgers and sausages - can you imagine saying that was ok for a meat-eater?

give it a go for as long as her interest stays, my DS2 and DH are non meat eaters, still eat fish, me and Ds1 are carnivors, I do a veg dinner every day and sometimes add meat for me and Ds1. my dad is soooo mr meat and two veg and when we went to stay I cooked a quorn mince spag bol and quorn sausages / butter bean casserole and he had no idea he was not eating meat! I accept that for many veggies the meat substitute is not right but it works for us.

My son, at age 6, decided not to eat meat. He is now 27 and 6ft tall, very healthy and still vegetarian. Substitute with Quorn (I use a lot of Quorn mince) for lasagne, spag bol, shepherds pie etc. Quorn fillets substitued for chicken.

It really is not hassle to seal mince in one pan for the non-veggies, and do it in a smaller pan for your daughter's mince. I must admit the best Veggie Mince is Morrison's own. You can get veggie pies, and fillets, sausages (Linda Mc are best), burgers etc. etc. I also cook pasta dishes, and cheesy bakes, use lentils, etc.

The only thing I insisted on was that my son take a good quality vitamin tablet every day and, as he was lactose intolerant, he had to have calcium tablets.

Give it a go - it really isn't the hassle you are thinking it is going to be honestly!

WannaBe Our family is not vegetarian but we make our own veggie burgers with the following ingredients:

-quinoa
-sweet potatoes
-black beans
-spinach
-crumbled feta
-sunflower seeds
-oats

We serve them on whole-wheat buns with avocado, mushrooms and onions, tomato and organic ketchup.

It's not necessary to purchase pre-made crap veggie burgers.

Snake - our 6 year old DD sounds very similar. I do think we have to respect their decisions, our girl regularly cries at the animals dying (one memorable occasion during a leg of lamb roast dinner involved her sobbing over all the 3 legged lambs not able to run and jump properly anymore) and will when asked have the same meal as us with no meat (except rashers which she just can't resist).
I need to look into quorn, but will probably feed it to all 4 kids!!
At the age of 6 our DD knows no other vegetarians, I believe it is not a fad but her choosing to have the courage of her convictions (well except the joys of bacon)!

I had to learn a whole new way of cooking for DH when I met him as he was vegetarian. I read loads to try to make sure we were eating a balanced diet - I was never vegetarian but when I cooked at home it was a meal for both of us so I only ate meat when we went out or in sandwiches.
There are lots of lovely things you can eat but they are different and you would not just be able to add a bit of meat on the side to a lot of them.
eg for iron you would probably eat for example lots of red kidney beans lentils and green leafy veg and apricots. - so Vege chilli is good, you could replace the turkey loaf with nut loaf etc. There are some meals where you could use quorn or soya or tofu but by no means all of them. It would require the rest of the family to change their eating habits too if you only want to cook one meal.
Mixing grains is a way to get a complete protein - so rice and dahl would do it.

I started asking to be veggie from about that age but mum wouldn't let me, she thought it was just a fad. I avoided the meat as much as I could for years and where I couldn't avoid it I ate the absolute minimum. When I was 15 I was still asking so she agreed to substitute for Quorn. She kept giving me meat. It lasted nearly a week before I found out and I've not let her cook for me since. I inspect all the packaging if anyone ever cooks me a meal before eating it and only order obviously vegetarian food in restaurants.
Please don't deceive her in case you were considering that. Cooking the same meal but in a separate pan with Quorn is actually a lot easier than you think.

Please respect her decision, she is old enough to make the decision and to understand it. I went veggie at 7 and am now 30, haven't touched meat or fish since. It isn't that hard to make meals veggie or veggie option, I'd be really happy to help if you want to message me with what you usually have and I'll make easy to cook suggestions for your daughter's meals. DH is a meat eater and although he mainly eats veggie at home we're well versed on 2 option cooking. Even if she changes her mind later it'll always mean something to her to know that you listened to her.

My daughter was encouraged into vegetarianism by her year 4 teacher and has never eaten meat since.

Every meal when she was growing up was an absolute pain for me. I divorced when she was 10 and had to return to full time work. It isn't just the cooking of a different meal (and I don't go for veggie burgers and things like that - they're ok occasionally but not regularly) it's the cost (for me) of doing two separate meals.

I know people will say "Oh you can do X and Y" but the fact of it is, when you are hard up and short of time, it is an absolute pain in the neck having to do two different meals.

At her age, OP, I'd try to keep her eating whatever the rest of the family eats.