for putting my principles above my child's education?

[ThisTimeNextWeek]

This is just a wee, daft one.
I morally object to both religious schools and private education. Since my child's birth, I have felt increasingly objectionable to both, but in recent times, I've been wondering just whether I can legitimately and ethically put my principles above her education. The best local primary school in the area is private and the second best is Catholic. By dismissing these options, I am setting my sights on the third best school in the area (actually, fourth as the third best is desperately pretentious and I think I object to that one more).
Am I being unreasonable?

Could you move?

«ignores moral dilemma»

Is sending your child to either of those schools an option anyway? ie. are you catholic/can you afford private?

No, not any time soon.

If you morally object to 'the pretentious' and are planning to act upon that, then I imagine that you've got a whole world of pain awaiting you.

Plonker, I'm not Catholic but the school accepts students from non-religious/other religious households and we might be able to stretch for private eduation (the school also offers bursaries to those unable to make full payment).

I did it. Put my principles first, that is. Have done it a couple of times now (on the religious schools thing, not the private - couldn't afford that anyway). I have never regretted it.

That third or 4th best is probably fine and probably full of like minded people. Good results don't necessarily indicate a good school - if thats what you're going on. It might not have community spirit, or caring teachers. You need to find out more about the schools before you dismiss them.

YADBU - best education you can afford/get. I would be learning my rosary if I couldn't afford the private option. You never inflict your morals on your kids

Yes. And bloody hell, it was good enough for Tony Blair and all those other politicians who are oh so quick to waft their principles out the window when it comes to their children, and unless you are a)an aristocrat or b) very rich presumably your DCs will have to get by on merit not on the "old boy network" so they deserve the best education you can get for them.
I saw a post on here recently (and I am NOT getting at that poster, I can't even remember who it was, just their comment stuck with me) that was something along the lines of - because the poster was a socialist, they had sent their DCs to the local not very good comprehensive school and they had suffered for it, they didn't fit in etc, and she just hadn't realised how bad things were for them until her friend pointed it out bluntly, and then she felt awful for them, but it was too late. I thought that was one of the saddest things I'd seen for a long time. I live in a pretty deprived "rough" area in a porr town with high unemployment, low life expectancy and all the rest of it, and if I could have afforded it I would have sent my DCs to a decent private school like a shot. I did homeschool one of them from age 12 on, but I still feel my oldest son was let down, not just by the crap edcation he received but by me, because I COULD have homeschooled him too, and I didn't and now he's so much worse off than he would be if he had a decent education.

LineRunner, the pretentious school wouldn't accept my application form if I did want to send her there as my postcode does not meet their 'requirements'. It's not really a question of choosing to dismiss it, but choosing not to jump through the hoops required (either moving into their catchment area or hoping she gets in their nursery and begging them to take pity and accept her into the infant school based on that).

'Never inflict your morals on your kids' - really? Don't instill any beliefs in them you believe to be important? Wow.

I never understand why non-Catholics would choose to educate their children in a Catholic school. Wouldn't the religious aspect of the school bother you?

Anyway, back to your original question - I would stick to my morals unless option 4 was particularly bad. I personally couldn't send my child to a really bad/failing school just because of my principles.

Your principles are being questioned. So question them. Don't hold yourself to a hypothetical ideal. That way lies disaster and an incomplete life that devalues experience.

I had a really idealistic view of life before I started living it.

Shells, I thought that to be a strange comment too.

I should clarify, this 'fourth best school' isn't a 'bad' school. It's pretty decent, but I'm aware there are at least three (academically) 'better' schools in the area (two of which we -might- be able to get her into).

I also feel that education starts at home and requires a supportive family. My views are coloured by my past. I went to three different primary and three different secondary schools (each one chosen as they were the closest rather than the best) due to my dad being in the army and I don't feel as though my education suffered for it.
I'm conscious now, though, that with my own child on the line, I may be having a change of heart.

Plonker, I struggle to understand it myself. Yes, the religious aspect of the school would bother me greatly, which is one of the biggest factors in me objecting to it. I'm just being honest in that we could send her there and that it's something I am currently considering, against my better judgement.

hasn't this recently been discusse on Radio 4

i think you have to be desperatley pretentious in a 'im so fucking liberal i birth the lentils i knit for starving african disabled children' kind of way to seriously forfeit the best oppotunity for your childs future becuase of your principles.

in theory i'm a socialist, but i would drop that in a second if i had enough money to privately educate my children and ensure their future

Chortling at all the right on crew reasdy to drop their principles like a pair of tart's knickers.

What a depressing thread. Most schools are fine, are good. If you live in a shitty area and the school is desperately failing - of course you don't sacrifice your children to it.
Personally I'm not willing to sacrifice my children to a load of religious bullshit when they could go to a perfectly good non denomination school.

My comment was don't inflict your morals on your kids - by all means pass on moral codes but not if they suffer for it.

They're not morals then.
You lot been chatting to Diane Abbot that well known class warrior who is down with da proletariat-until it comes to her own son of course, then it's private,private, private all the way.

I was all set to say children come before principles (while trying to make things better for the future) but in this particular scenario I think it very much depends on what you think "best" is. Being told religious dogma as fact does not feel like the best option to me.

I think you need to seperate OFSTED rating from the notion of "best".

The eternal dilemma of the Labour MP

Ok youngermother, but how does one effectively pass on a moral code to their child while patting them on the back and saying "but that doesn't apply to you, dear"?
Also, this fourth school isn't really what I'd call an infliction. It's just not 'the best' and while I agree that I should do my best to offer my children the best education available, I think that should also be within reason. It's not reasonable to expect me to pick up and move across the country to enrol my child into 'the best school in the UK', even though lots of people move homes within their local area. So why is it seen as unreasonable to choose not to compromise a core belief and moral to ensure my child moves from a good school to 'the best' school in the area. I can't see that the differences between them are so spectacular to warrant compromising my principles for.

This is odd, I posted this, expecting to be swayed more toward the private / religious school direction but I am feeling more affirmed in my original stance, so far.

Embarrassed to say I have put my morals to one side. I was worried about my DD education in the local options open to us (and no chance of moving) and we opted to send her to a private school. I rarely tell people unless they ask expressly as I feel so hypocritical. As I am a teacher, I feel it makes my decision seem worse.

Having said all of that, personal choice is personal choice. Sometimes you just have to make your bed and lie in it - others can think what they will.

Why?

As long as it's your child paying the real price for your principles what does it really matter to you?

(Speaking as a parent who HATES THE CATHOLIC RELIGION and is putting her pfb in a FUCKING CATHOLIC school )