for putting my principles above my child's education?

[ThisTimeNextWeek]

This is just a wee, daft one.
I morally object to both religious schools and private education. Since my child's birth, I have felt increasingly objectionable to both, but in recent times, I've been wondering just whether I can legitimately and ethically put my principles above her education. The best local primary school in the area is private and the second best is Catholic. By dismissing these options, I am setting my sights on the third best school in the area (actually, fourth as the third best is desperately pretentious and I think I object to that one more).
Am I being unreasonable?

I expect everyone has their 'price'. My socialist husband found himself begging his socialist father to go private when he was waiting for heart bypass surgery and was desperately ill.

As for schools, the non-faith state school would have to be shit for me to consider private or catholic. By that I mean my children's emotional needs wouldn't be met and they would be unable to learn because the teaching was so poor or the classroom so chaotic. I wouldn't consider private or catholic just because my children could potentially get a better education i.e. abandon my principles so that my daughter could be on a higher reading level and able to do long division a year earlier than her state school counterparts. It is more important to me that my kids grow up to be socially responsible/aware and well-rounded individuals than grow up able to access Oxford/Cambridge and have a stellar career.

I want them to be happy, as simple as that sounds. I don't actually think a constant drive for the 'best' and to be 'the best' will necessarily achieve that.

I used to have moral objections to private. Now I think about it, though, I actually find private education more honest than the state system, for precisely these reasons. With so many people who could probably afford private education but saying that they support the state system moving to be in the right postcode, not sending their children to their local school because it's not good enough, and faking religion, I think there is something very straightforward about saying, I have the money and I intend to buy what I perceive to be quality, rather than playing some enormous game.

I agree exactly and totally and entirely with MIFLAW.

For me, though, religious school would be a bridge too far, as would any school where i believed my child would be taught fantasies. But that, I am aware, is a different question, and I don't want to take the thread off topic. Each to his own.

Not an attack on you personally OP, so please don't take offence, but I feel that the 'morals' or 'principles' cited when it comes to private or faith education are generally neither of those things, but are actually 'prejudices'. This is demonstrated by the fact that such 'morals' or 'principles' become strangely elastic when it comes to people's own children, particularly amongst Labour MPs.. witness the mother I spoke to recently who'd moved away from central London to a small town which she complained was 'too Christian'. But had she sent her own dear offspring to the bog standard local primary? Not a bit of it; they were at the local CofE one . Of course I take the moral high ground here, mine are at the local non-faith, non-private

Op i dont understand your dilema.

Private - you cannot offord it unless you get help with founding
Your not a chathlic
Your not in catchment
So only leaves the last option

So i dont understand why you have posted unless it was for an argument against both private & cathlic schools

I went to the worst school possible, surrounded by cameras, high fences & razor wire. it looked like a prison.

No one thought about Uni or were pushed towards it, everyone was concidered a wright off of only good for manual jobs.

I would never put my child through this if I have the choce.

So if i can afford it, i would go Private, luckily i am also Catholic.

With regards to the poster who said, people with my views have no morals, sorry but we do, its just that our morals are different to yours.

mrsjay silly me of course children will learn if their motivated to

Good what fools are we all so no need to up the standard of discipline or teaching or even class sizes

Let's have class sizes of 60 and poor discipline because after all they I'll learn if they want to mmmmmm

I agree maypole.

I could of done a hell of a lot more if I was pushed by my mother.

To put it into perspective for everyone. My mum was brought up in a strict catholic family. She went to a very good Catholic School. She rebelled against it and choose to bring me and my sisters up as athiest.

Instead of going to the local, very good Catholic School with the rest of our cousins we got sent to the local, shitty comp out of morals. What a great decision that was. My sisters, two stay at home mums, living of benefits. the other a tesco shelf stacker. I joined the Army early and luckily due to the pride that was enstilled in to me I wanted to push myself. Now i do have my own company and earn a comfortable amount. But it was not down to my mum or dad's help.

I don't see why children should be denied the best possible education because of their parents' principles. The children can form their own principles and make their own decisions when they are old enough.

So i dont understand why you have posted unless it was for an argument against both private & cathlic schools

Bingo :)

Er, is the "third best" option still "good enough"/"pretty good"/decent? Whether it's a hell-hole or actually a decent school (just not the BEST) changes it from sacrificing your child's education to just taking into account other factors.

MrSpoc I think there is more to the fact that your siblings are shelfstackers and on benefits than just the school you were sent to. Your parents would have ideally have instilled a good work ethic in you all and encouraged you in your education and to go as far with it as you all could. It sounds as though they didn't do that. I don't think where your siblings have ended up it totally to do with the school choice your parents made for you, but probably a more general attitude to education.

NewsClippings But if we don't use our principles to raise our children then what the hell are we doing?!

maypole1 Yes classes of 60, no discipline etc. that is exactly what MrsJay was saying

That's true Enough. But denying children a good education? That's a "principle" which could negatively affect them while really not benefiting others very much or at all.

NewsClippings Who is to say it's a better education? The religious schools and private schools may have better ofsted reports but fron my experience and those of people I know they ofsteds never give the full picture or even a realistic one. It's parents convincing themselves that their kids are having the best eduction because they are at the good or outstanding schools or the one's they have paid for that is worrying. I know so many people who have had to move their children out of outstanding schools because they are just bloody awful!

And the OP isn't denying her dcs anything as they other school is a really good one too.

EnoughOfBeingLetDown - did you also read the bit about the school. No amount of pushy parents would of helped the outcome. If the parents did care that much, they would of pulled thier kids out and put them into a better school. Would that then go against your point?

Principles are only principles when they survive being tested. Until then they are simply hypothetical.

Afraid I have little time for those who are all high-minded about healthcare, schools (whatever) and condemn the fact that we have alternatives to state funded provision, but can manage to rationalise an exception in their own family's apparently very special case. Bullshit.

EnoughOfBeingLetDown - dont the OFSTEAD reports also reflect the over all grads of the Pupils. Therefore making them a BETTER SCHOOL. or have i missed the oint, that, who cares about grades as long as the School panders to both parents & childs flimsy needs.

Sometimes private is better Enough, sometimes it isn't (I wasn't commenting on the OP, just generally). Each family will have their own circumstances and choices to make about education. For those of us without the money to opt for private education I'd like to see grammars reintroduced.

I object to all sorts of things in principle, as does my DP. But when it comes to our children's education, the one principle that overrides all others is getting them the very best education we can reasonably afford.

Would you...

Give up living in your own home because some people are homeless?
Give up buying books because some people can only afford to use the public library to get books?
Decline to register with a private dentist if your local NHS dentist was known to be less than good?

IMHO it's fine to pay for things you value highly, including education, if the standard you're hoping for isn't provided by the state.

But it's also ethically important to care for others less fortunate, which means donating to homeless charities, voting for politicians who help the less wealthy, campaigning for improvements to education/healthcare and so on.

You can do both.

My principles are basically what is best for those who depend on, rely on and trust me to make the right choices for them. They are my responsibility.

MrSpoc I did read about your school yes. Sounds crap. Mine was crap too. My parents also didn't care about education and didn't encourage in any way. They just weren't bothered about it, which I suspect was the same with your mum. I know though that it would have really helped if my parents had been interested and felt it was important. I think it sounds like it would have helped you too. In my school you could tell which children had parents who were interested in their childrens educations and which weren't. It made a big difference to where they got in life. I have done ok and been to university but only because I had a particular talent in one area and one very good teacher.

The OP though is not considering sending her dc to a school like the ones that you and I went to, so this is irrelevent.

If state education became only half as good as it is now, and private school places were £300 a year instead of £10000, you can bet a lot of the nay-sayers would suddenly be interested in losing their "principles".