for putting my principles above my child's education?

[ThisTimeNextWeek]

This is just a wee, daft one.
I morally object to both religious schools and private education. Since my child's birth, I have felt increasingly objectionable to both, but in recent times, I've been wondering just whether I can legitimately and ethically put my principles above her education. The best local primary school in the area is private and the second best is Catholic. By dismissing these options, I am setting my sights on the third best school in the area (actually, fourth as the third best is desperately pretentious and I think I object to that one more).
Am I being unreasonable?

I wouldn't choose the Catholic school no matter how good it is. I do not approve of the church attitude to women and my principles would not allow me to inflict a Catholic education on my daughter.
I would choose school no.4 if it seems fine or move house if it didn't.
I don't think academic excellence over-rides all principles, nor do I think OFSTED excellence means a good school.
Anyway, at primary level, unless school 4 is dreadful will it make much difference?

MuminScotlandBrilliant. I wanted to add

I think you see how things go once your child is at a particular school; you keep an open mind, and don't be blinkered.

I would start out with #4 if you like the feel of it. If your child is bored, bullied, forced to conform to something horrible, your moral code will tell you to help him.

People often think local state school=more multicultural, and more social/cultural differences. The opposite is also true; we moved one of our kids out of state school and found that private school had kids with different skin colours, gay and divorced parents, and lots of international students, while our local school is white, with very traditional families.

You need to be clear on what constitutes 'best' and that's not necessarily league tables. The anti-bullying and emotional education policies are more important imo

OP - the pretentious school wouldn't accept my application form if I did want to send her there as my postcode does not meet their 'requirements'.

Are you living in England? If so then the school can't not accept your application (though really, it should go to the LEA). They might have been trying to tell you that unless you live within catchment then your chance of getting in is slim to none but that doesn't presuppose pretentiousness - rather (possibly) a little chipette on your shoulder that you don't live within catchment?

If you have principles then stick to them. I have principles but not about education in this way so I don't think I can help further!

Pride come before a fall

Well op if your dd ends up working in tesco at least you can say I stuck to my morals

Personally I good parent dose anything they can to secure the best education they can for their child

I would walk over hot coals or push the last mum in line out the way to get the best for my child

Clap trap why do you feel embarrassed if the schools were any good or we still had grammar this would not be a issue

I moved house to secure the catchment area with the best school in it and started church when he was for just in case so as a back. Up he could get into church school I also have a tutor

Once my child has revived his excellent education will I be sad I very much doubt it will I feel compromised when he at a top university nope

No. You aren't.

And it's not really that much of a dilemma is it? Paying for private when you will be struggling to pay for everything else isn't an option as far as I can see. A religious school will presumably require you to show some sort of committment to an organised religion which you imply you can't. So it's not just a point of principle, it's practicality.

And from what you said 3rd/4th choices aren't that bad.

BTW I went to a Catholic primary school (private). As it happened the teaching was dire in the extreme. When we moved and I went to a moderately academic girl's school I was miles behind in maths - and never really caught up. I learned who to pray to if i lost something so not an entire waste of time...

If you can't afford private, are not catholic and live in the wrong area for the pretentious school you only have choices left. Send your child to the fourth best school or move house.

maypole1 that's pretty offensive and ridiculous. better working at Tesco than not working at all. suspect the managers there earn a fair whack too. and sadly going to a private school doesn't prevent you from becoming a drug-addled dropout. and you really don't have to go to a private, grammar or church school to get into a 'top' university. my children will go to normal state schools and will in no way feel guilty or a bad parent for that!!!

puzzletree sorry didn't mean in that way but know one has hopes and dreams their child will be a shelf stacker

Unless I am wrong

Nothing wrong in owning tesco but really when we watch our child go off of the first day we don't think ah one day he will be doing the blue,white and red proud do we

If you send our child to substandard school due to some moral, pride thing the chances of them being a doctor become less and them stacking shelves more

private education doesnt necesarily ensure a childs future though, I have a friend who was privately educated and ended up with a 3rd in geography at uni.

There's no guarantees in life.

I wouldn't. My principles and morals are mine and I wouldn't let them potentially jeopardise her wellbeing, success and happiness.

YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVU

Surely putting your issues with private/religion onto your child and potentially damaging their education is just as damaging as when parents project their religious beliefs? As for private, I went to a private school and it was the best decision my parents made for me so I'm a little biased.

Whatever or wherever my children learn it will not be to look down their noses at people who work in supermarkets.

There are always private school drop-outs/coke addicts/3rd in geography etc stories. There are also many success stories about those who did very well out of a God awful local sink school. It's down to parenting of the child and the child themselves.

If you are giving it this much thought you will obviously give your child the support they need to succeed. Put your principles aside for the sake of their education.

I will be sticking to my principles (and anyway, private school isn't something we could afford. If we could, I would probably invest the money for the future). That said, at the moment we live in catchment for an outstanding school, so that's easy for me to say. You've said yourself though, there's nothing wrong with the fourth school, so what's the problem?

It depends on what makes you happiest long term?

Sticking to your principles
Ensuring a good education for your children!

I mean, could you LIVE with yourself if your child went to a catholic school?
Or, could you LIVE with yourself if you were not true to some principles you started holding years and years ago?

Maybe because I and a lot of my friends have done well in life, or are at least living happy and fulfilled lives even if we aren't all earning the top wage that maybe some parents here demand of their children(!), after going to the local schools and then university if necessary, I don't have any great fear of the state system. The one thing we all had in common though, the children that succeeded, is involved and encouraging parents with a good work ethic and high expectations. And yes there are doctors (both medical and academic) amongst us, myself included, and shock horror one of my friends works in a shop!!!!

"best" is such a subjective term. If you and your family don't share the ethos of a particular school, then it's not the "best" school for your child.

Your child deserves the best start in life you can give them, and IMO good schooling is a big part of that. I think private school makes more of a difference at high school level, but a good primary education makes a big difference.

As a kid I went to various faith schools, and..well, I'm an agnostic, but a decently schooled one iyswim. A catholic school with good results and high expectations would seem a good option IMO

Principles are abstract things, and you are now trying to apply them to something concrete. But you're trying to do that without any evidence - you don't actually know anything about the schools in question, other than an Ofsted rating. So the first thing you have to do is get round all the schools and have a look and see where you think your DC would be happiest. Schools are more than just ratings, especially at primary school.

Then you have to apply your new knowledge to your beliefs and make the right decision for your family. And if you're open-minded enough, that decision will probably surprise you.

Our DS goes to what would probably be described as an 'average' school in terms of results, but its ethos is fanbloodytastic and I could not have wished for a better start for him.

I think there is a big difference between what is at the end of years and years of education, and the experience of education in itself. I think people can succeed if they want to, without a private education. And some children succeed even if they have gone to a sink school, but they might arguably had a happier time at a school with less trouble.

I was against sending my children to private school until I realized that our local secondary school has just come out of special measures, and is now just rated "satisfactory" by ofsted (the lowest grade). I see these youth every day, fighting and bickering on their way home, throwing rubbish on the street, enormous police presence around here at home time. Is this what I want for my children? Do I want them to spend day after day in this environment? Or do I want them to have a different experience?

maypole1 Your own education wasn't up to much then? (judging by your selling and grammer). So you are going to "pretend" to be religious to get your child into a religious school!? You're tutoring your tiny child so he can get in the best school!? You're the worst kind of pushy parent!

takingbackmonday It's our job to teach our children a set of values and morals! Why on earth would anyone send their child to a religious school where religion is part of the daily life when they don't even believe in it themselves?!

not that i work in tescos whats wrong with working in a supermarkets its a job isnt it , anyhoo whats to say a child would get a better education in a good school , children will learn if they are motivated to learn imo , not every child is uni material and a degree isnt everything OP i hope you make the best choice for your child , but i think putting principles aside isnt really teaching children anything , have principles till it suits me ,