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Original poster

After School Cub worker drove DD home and left her there!

245 replies

Crabapple99 · 25/11/2011 17:21

I have an arrangement with one afterschool club worker that she takes my 10 year old daughter home for me once a week. Yesterday she was called away on a family emergency. Howerever, I wsn't contacted and told. If I had been, I would have left work early and collected DD myself. A different member of staff, one who I don't like much, and certainly wouldn't ever invite into my home, closed up the after school club 20 minutes early (DD was the only child left) forced DD to get into the car, drove her home, came in and looked around, then left her there alone. DD was very upset, as she hadn't wanted to get into the car. She has been told never to get into a car with anyone, even someone we know, unless she has permission from myself, her school teacher or one or two specific family friends. She did not have permission to get into this persons car, and I would not have agreed to this person driving my child anywhere, or to coming into my home. I tried to complain, but the after school club do not seem to think anything untoward has happened, and say the staff member was doing me a favour!

OP posts:
beatenbyayellowteacup · 27/11/2011 21:45

ah. I blame a mild concussion and a touch of laziness Grin

t0lk13n · 27/11/2011 21:48

Im just confused by the whole thing! But Im loving the whole u r b u and no u r n b unreasonable!

saladsandwich · 27/11/2011 22:02

i reckon there is alot more to this than OP as let on, i am abit confused as to whether you have spoken to anyone from the ASC, you said it was all shut up but yet you know how many staff where there and if they where still there why would the ASC be shut? the workr who drove your daughter home probably set off 20minutes early so she was back for the end of the ASC, which would be the time she would be getting paid for, just a thought.

beatenbyayellowteacup · 27/11/2011 22:07

Actually I don't think I got every point wrong, now that I have read the whole thread but hey.

I can't help thinking that if you are happy for a relaxed arrangement (if OP can't make it then someone drops her home - odd arrangement anyway, what if you are 30 seconds late and they've already left?) then you have to accept when there is an exceptional relaxed arrangement.

Admittedly the story doesn't quite add up...

Night all.

RitaMorgan · 27/11/2011 22:27

It doesn't sound exceptionally relaxed to me - if the OP won't make it in time she texts the worker she is paying as a babysitter.

ElphabaisWicked · 27/11/2011 22:41

I can't beleive there are people who think this is acceptible.

I have a 10 year old dd. She has never been left alone in the house, not even for 5 minutes. She is in Year 5 so two whole years away from high school.

It seems to me the OP has made every effort to have a back-up plans in place. She books after school care until a certain time but has the back up of someone who she pays to take her home and wait with here ther if need be.

Why would the dd need the OP's phone number when bother the asc and the take her home person has the number? My dd dos'nt know my number and we don't have speed dial on the home phone.

I have a 2nd job running an after school activity and no matter what I have to be the last person who leaves the premises - I can't go until the last child is collected, no matter what. I of course have a CP procedure for an uncollected child which would ultimately involve calling SS after a certain amount of time.

If I were to have a family emergency on a club day I would hand over my responsibility to another staff member - if no-one was available I would not be able to leave until the child was collected. You just can't abandon children like that. I am also a theatre chaperone and the same applies there. The chaperone has to stay until the child is handed over. Some chaperones are insured to transport children - I am not but even then ther child must be handed over, not left in an empty house.

My dd would have been really scared.

cestlavielife · 27/11/2011 23:14

my 8 yr old knows my number off by heart i have made a point of her learning it. just in case.

IloveJudgeJudy · 27/11/2011 23:29

Elpha, are you really saying that your 10 yo (who is one of the older ones in Y5) has never, ever been left alone for even 5 minutes? Why is she not being allowed to grow up? I really cannot understand it. Why are our DC being mollycoddled so much nowadays? Does your DD have SN? If that is the case, then I can see why, but if not, please, please, for your DC's sake, let them have some responsibility and do some growing up.

ElphabaisWicked · 27/11/2011 23:43

Dd does not ahve special needs and no, she has never been left alone. Why should she be? She will grow up at a steady pace. I like the fact that she is yojng for her age (and so do her teachers) as she dresses and acts much more appropriately. She has a very innocent, trusintg outlook on life. I know she will have to become a little more streetwise as she gets older but don't see a huge need at the moment.

Besides there is nowhere I could go that would mean she would be alone for 5-10 minutes anyway. Nearest shops are a good 10 mins away, school is 7 miles away. I have just started allowing her to go rouns the corner to the postbox and when he is abit older and past his puppy mad stage she will maybe start to take the dog for a short walk.

I would like her to be able to take herself from school to ballet which is 3 mins away in the next street to school as I could stay at work half an hour later but school won't allow it until Year 7.

She has lots of responsilibity in a lot of ways. She gets herself up and ready in the morning, cooks herself breakfast etc whilst I am gettung ready (as does 7 year olds ds).

She knows the home phone number but not my mobile (I don't use my mobile much anyway)

cat64 · 27/11/2011 23:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

squeakytoy · 28/11/2011 00:09

The op does say that her child has been left on her own before, which is why I am confused as to the total panic that this situation seemingly left her in.

Every 10yo that I know, and plenty of 8 and 9yo's too, play out without parental supervision, where there are cars, strangers, and god knows how many other dangers that they COULD get caught up in.. so why leaving a child alone while you go to the shop for half an hour or so, in their own home is so frowned upon, I have no idea.

Original poster
Crabapple99 · 28/11/2011 04:37

squeaky toy - because, as I've explained, own home, at this prerent time, is a building site with strangers coming and going..........

OP posts:
cory · 28/11/2011 08:42

When my dcs were at a childminders there was an agreement about what would happen in an emergency and who would take charge of my dcs until I could collect them: I signed up for that when accepting that particular childminder. The OP and the ASC worker should have had a similar agreement.

I think part of the problem here is mixing private arrangements with expectations of professional behaviour: it would have been much easier if the whole thing had been run on professional lines.

FlossieFromCrapstonVillas · 28/11/2011 08:54

o/t -ish...but, my then yr five Son was going to the local shop for me if I needed him to and would buy the newspaper for me on a Saturday, bliss. I have stopped short of sending him up chimneys, (though the money would be handy.)

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 28/11/2011 09:14

If the woman is so monstrous why are you so happy to let your DD go to after school club where she is a member of staff, OP?

Whatmeworry · 28/11/2011 09:16

Seems this is one of those "its a very relaxed arrangement except when I say its not and you have to guess when that is" sort of arrangements.

SoupDragon · 28/11/2011 09:51

Except the "arrangement" has nothing to do with the fact that the ASC closed early with no warning and no communication.

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 28/11/2011 09:55

But it's not the arrangement with the AFC worker that is the problem.

That arrangement was with a woman the OP likes and trusts and was working fine on the day.

The OP had sent a text to say she would be there by closing time to collect her own child.

This woman was then called away to a family emergency knowing that she wasn't needed to take the OP's daughter home and believing her colleagues would be there until closing time.

The arrangement, however relaxed or informal, was working just fine. The OP was on the way, would be there with plenty of time to collect her child, and nobody else was needed to take her daughter home for her. The ASC worker left knowing that she wasn't needed that day and the OP was on the way.

The problem is that after the ASC worker who has the arrangement with the OP left because of her emergency, her three colleagues decided to close early and leave while they still had a child in their care, without contacting the OP to see if she was on the way or not.

Those three women have no arrangements with the OP other than to run the after school club until the official closing time. Which they didn't do in this case.

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 28/11/2011 09:56

x-posted with soup, sorry.

Whatmeworry · 28/11/2011 10:02

Humbug - IMO this is all well within tolerance of the normal give and take of life, especially if there was already an informal arrangement to home deliver going.

I agree with the poster who said you either have a prodessional arrangement, or you accept that vagaries exist in informal ones. The probem comes in when you want a professional informal relationship on your terms.

WidowWadman · 28/11/2011 10:11

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes

"The OP had sent a text to say she would be there by closing time to collect her own child."

Going by OP she didn't do that. She says "I wsn't contacted and told. If I had been, I would have left work early and collected DD myself" - which makes me wonder why she went to the ASC to collect in the first place.

The story just doesn't add up

SoupDragon · 28/11/2011 10:13

"Humbug - IMO this is all well within tolerance of the normal give and take of life"

Try turning up 15 minutes late to pick up your child and see how "give and take" it is.

The arrangement is that the OP sends a text to the member of staff that she is going to be late and that the staff member should take her DD home and wait with her. It's not a loose arrangement where the staff member takes her home if the OP doesn't turn up on time.

SoupDragon · 28/11/2011 10:14

"which makes me wonder why she went to the ASC to collect in the first place."

Because she was going to arrive before it shut! Had she known they were shutting early she would have arranged to leave work early to pick her DD up.

Whatmeworry · 28/11/2011 10:18

Try turning up 15 minutes late to pick up your child and see how "give and take" it is

Oh ffs, I have 3, they are all teenagers now, I have been there, done all of that, got many many t-shirts without all this existential fucking angst.

This is just precious mummying by people who don't have big enough things to worry about.

SoupDragon · 28/11/2011 10:31
Hmm

What a load of bollocks.

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