After School Cub worker drove DD home and left her there!

[Crabapple99]

I have an arrangement with one afterschool club worker that she takes my 10 year old daughter home for me once a week. Yesterday she was called away on a family emergency. Howerever, I wsn't contacted and told. If I had been, I would have left work early and collected DD myself. A different member of staff, one who I don't like much, and certainly wouldn't ever invite into my home, closed up the after school club 20 minutes early (DD was the only child left) forced DD to get into the car, drove her home, came in and looked around, then left her there alone. DD was very upset, as she hadn't wanted to get into the car. She has been told never to get into a car with anyone, even someone we know, unless she has permission from myself, her school teacher or one or two specific family friends. She did not have permission to get into this persons car, and I would not have agreed to this person driving my child anywhere, or to coming into my home. I tried to complain, but the after school club do not seem to think anything untoward has happened, and say the staff member was doing me a favour!

I think the OP has fabricated a bit. Firstly, why would the child have a key if she was always home to meet her any other time? I think the other childcare worker normally dropped her off home alone, otherwise the child would not normally carry a key.

Also, would it just be coincidence that on the very same day the childcare worker had an emergency to attend to, ALL other parents collected their children early (just by chance) leaving just the one child. I think the other parents were contacted, and if so, then they'd have tried the OP too and failed.

And as for "not being able to dial the number due to shaking with fear" seems very far fetched in my opinion. And IF it's true, then the parent must be molly coddlying the child so much that she's causing all this stress and anxiety in her.

She was probably more scared of OP's reaction than the situation itself.

Oh and adding to that, the OP was more or less initially venting anger towards this woman she doesn't like than concern for her daughters wellbeing by being at home alone.

"A different member of staff, one who I don't like much, and certainly wouldn't ever invite into my home"

"I would not have agreed to this person driving my child anywhere, or to coming into my home"

It was ONLY after people had replied about leaving the child home alone that she jumped on the bandwagon and agreed that was a major issue.

Also the OP stated the regular worker takes her child home once a week. No mention of "only sometimes IF I'm not there to collect her first".

The problem here is the usual worker took the child home once a week - AND left the child home alone until mum arrived. Upon being called away to an emergency, a worker the OP obviously can't stand took her daughter home instead - AND looked around her house which has p'd her off no end.

And as for paying one particular member of staff to take your child home is nonsense - surely you pay a company for such a service and this company will then delegate as neccessary to ensure the child is home.

That, to me is all there is to it. If you don't like one of the workers in charge of your child then you don't send them there. If you do so anyway, then don't complain!

OP YANBU at all.

Three remaining members of staff decided to close early and none of them made any attempt to contact you about it.

The reason for this decision to close early seems to be that your child was the only one left and they fancied an earlier than planned start to a night in the pub under the banner of having an early Christmas Party.

The staff member you like, trust and have a private arrangement to pay to bring your daughter home if you are not there had an emergency and you seem very understanding about her reasons for leaving early and not contacting you. You had sent her a text to say you would be there by closing time to pick up your daughter anyway, so she had no need to get in touch with you or assume her colleagues would decide to pack up and leave 20 minutes before they were due to finish work, 5 minutes before you arrived in what you thought was (and what should have been) plenty of time to collect your daughter yourself.

The person who drove her home is someone who has previously upset your daughter by ridiculing her about her birthmark and who shouted at her to force her into the car and dismissed her requests for you to be contacted.

This person then wandered around your house, for reasons we do not know, perhaps to check everything was okay, perhaps to just be a nosey cow.

And she then left your daughter alone for over an hour with you none the wiser about all of this.

I think you are getting a hard time for no good reason.Your daughter is only ten and not all ten year olds are used to being left alone and they don't all know what to do for the best when the unexpected happens or cope well.

It's no wonder your daughter was upset when an adult who has previously ridiculed her has then insisted she break your very clear rules about getting into cars without your permission and dismissed her when she said you ought to be contacted.

Now maybe you should have complained earlier about this woman making nasty comments about your daughters birth mark and perhaps you could have found alternative after school care. But if your daughter is otherwise happy there and you have a good relationship with at least one other member of staff and are happy with the others then I can see why you would leave your daughter at that club, especially if the staff member you don't like isn't usually in sole charge of the children or your daughter in particular. I once had a teacher who took great pleasure in making her students blush and she would mock one boy's stammer and never failed to have him read out in class, just so she could copy him and laugh as he got more and more embarrassed and his stammer got worse. His parents complained but still kept him at the school.

And with hindsight it would have been a good idea for you to ring home when you arrived at the club and it was closed, as you would have assumed the trusted worker had gone there with your daughter, just to check that everything was okay since the club had closed early and they were gone even though you had already told her you were already on the way.

But in no way can they claim they did you, your daughter or their colleague a favour by shutting up shop early with no attempt to contact you and then shouting at a child to make her do something she didn't want to do, just so they could get an early start at the pub.

"On what planet is it ok for someone who has been paid to care for a child to leave them on their own so they can slope off early for a Xmas do? "

This.

Seriously, you would all be happy for your paid-for-childcare to shut early with no warning and no communication, leaving your child unexpectedly home alone, just so the staff could go and get pissed?

tigerlily yes, there is more to this than the OP is letting on.
We have only part of the story and her side of it too.

'I wonder if the responses would be the same if a Year 6 teacher decided she'd had enough by 2.30pm and sent her class home'

Shall I try it and report back?
Arrangements only work if there is trust, and if people let you know when situations change. If someone gets dropped off early for whatever reason, there should be a phone call prior to it happening.

OP- There were 3 members of staff still present when the decision was made to close early
So why are you blaming only the woman who took your DD home? She was the only one to honour the arrangement you had with the other woman out of all 3 still there.
If she had left at the correct time and waited for you to get home you'd probably still be annoyed because you don't like her.

OP has never said she is angry with any specific person, she's just stated that she complained to the club and they weren't interested.

I'm new to mumsnet and really shocked at some of these responses. I know that the AIBU forum is for people to canvass opinion but to be criticised over your choices, told that your child is being molly-coddled and accused of lying about the story seems way over the top. She's just asking 'if you were me would you be upset about the ASC's reaction to my complaint'. I understand that some of you feel you wouldn't have complained in the first place but there's no need to put it in such harsh terms, and I don't think some of you are being honest with yourselves.

Kitty: REad the bloody thread! "She was the only one to honour the arrangement you had with the other woman out of all 3 still there. "
No, she didn't honour the arrangement at all. The arrangement was that if OP is not there at closing time the other staff person brings child home. OP was going to be there at closing, she arrived to find that they had closed early and brought the child home in direct contravention of the arrangements.

Seriously people, if you are going to have an opinion, make sure you have understood the situation first.

And it was just by chance that all the other children had already been picked up

And it seems a really strange agreement that the worker is on call till the very last moment, not knowing whether she has to drop the child home or not. What if the OP is 5 minutes late to the center and the worker has taken the child home? The child then waits alone at home while mom does the 45 minute trek from the center to her home?

It is a clue that the OP notes the after school club do not seem to think anything untoward has happened, and say the staff member was doing me a favour . I am with Kitty here, seems a lot of story telling for sympathy and outrage from people who are just looking for any perceived slights towards themselves and their LOs.

BTW, OP also notes that she could have left her work early, i.e., she wants job flexibility, the ability to leave early for herself (presumably it impacts her coworkers, customers and bosses), but is completely rigid and intolerant about providing the same consideration to others.

Uhuh, cos all jobs are equal in that way. Like if OP is a librarian, the books are exactly the same as children, and are equally as easy to deliver and leave around the place......?

FFS. You wouldn't be so blase if it was your kid.

yup, it is always easy to think your own needs are more important than any one else. The other worker may have had a child who had an accident, had to go into hospital. But oh no, the most important thing for her should be to reach OP. Even though the worker made common-sense arrangements and dd was safe.

If you are in a position of responsibility towards someone else's child, then they need to be considered as if they were your own. I have a child with significant additional needs, and on occasion I've had to duck out of my job and deal with a situation.
I would always ensure that no one else's child was left in the wind. The second worker should have phoned the parent and waited for an answer before deciding to quit 20 mins early. The original worker should have left clear instructions, it takes less than a minute to ensure everyone knows what's going on.

Oh FGS, this is quite simple. Childcarers are not allowed to dump children. They are paid to and have a legal duty to supervise those children. They cannot just take it into their own heads to fuck off, leaving the children alone. Any of you who think this is OK, just give Ofsted or the NSPCC a call and you'll get a very dusty response indeed.

OP, don't just complain to the ASC, complain to the school and to Ofsted and the local authority. It is plain wrong and other people's children are at risk as well if they are left in the care of such negligent, stupid 'carers'.

So, Flatbead, you would be more than happy to arrive before closing at your child's place of care to find the staff had shut up early and fucked off so they could get pissed that evening and that on order to do this, your child had been left at home alone in an unsafe environment?

The arrangement with the other member of staff and the fact she had an emergency is a red herring in this. At no point has she been blamed for anything.

I don't think it matters what the emergency was tbh. One of the responsible adults should have attempted to contact the op.

at the ASC I use is the norm for nearly all the children to be gone before 5.30

so the fact that all te others had been picked up may not be so unusual

And it seems a really strange agreement that the worker is on call till the very last moment, not knowing whether she has to drop the child home or not. What if the OP is 5 minutes late to the center and the worker has taken the child home?

The OP has already said she texts if she's going to be late and the arrangement applies... it seems pointless carrying on with this back and forth in this thread when all the details have already been posted by the OP....

So if I'm babysitting your kids and have an emergency, its totally fine for me to go off and either leave them with anyone I choose, or dump them at home alone? Good to know. You should tell your minders that their problems are far more important than your children.

Still going on then....!

Yes, Neuromantic, if you have a family emergency and you are sitting my DC (which you wouldn't be, as they are 13, 15 and 17!), you could leave them with anyone you choose as if you are/were babysitting my DC I would have complete trust in you or you wouldn't be babysitting them . If they had already been home alone (as shown by having a front door key) then, in an emergency, you could have done that, although I wouldn't be so happy about all three being left together, but any one of them, at 10, would have been OK with that.

If the OP was happy for her DD to go home and wait in an empty house then she wouldn't be sending her to the after school club would she?
The only reason that the worker took the child home was because she wanted to go out to the pub. She wasn't doing the op a favour, at all.
She was neglecting her duties and broke lots of policies and proceedures in to the bargain.
What she has done could almost be classed as child abduction. The child was unwilling to go and she did not have the mother's permission to take the child anywhere.
Then, she left the child on her own, without knowing how long the parent would be. It doesn't really matter how old the child is, the OP is paying for her child to be cared for.
Surely nobody would think that's reasonable behaviour?

Cool, I could leave your 10 year old with someone who would take them somewhere unecessary and then abandon them alone.

You shouldn't be taking judge judys name in vain, because I can tell you shes be agreeing with me, not you.

So, all of you who are saying this worker is in the wrong, what would you expect the worker with a family emergency to have done? Wait for OP to get to ASC? Would you all have done that if your DC were in hospital or your parents?

Just what do you expect to have happened. The ASC worker left at the ASC club probably didn't want to be left alone for longer than necessary with one DC.

The courses about child protection say that you should never be left alone with a DC, ever. If you are a football coach, eg, and a child is left at the football ground, parents haven't come yet, big rainstorm, you may not go and sit in your car with the DC. You have to stay out in the open with them, getting soaked.

I agree that the situation wasn't ideal, but as I said before, nothing happened, OP and DD are OK, it's given OP something to think about, teaching her DD to cope with different situations. I think OP should think of the good that has come out of this. Also, I reiterate, why did she let her DD be looked after by this worker if there had been some name-calling about the DD's birthmark? Why hadn't OP sorted something out before?