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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

After School Cub worker drove DD home and left her there!

245 replies

Crabapple99 · 25/11/2011 17:21

I have an arrangement with one afterschool club worker that she takes my 10 year old daughter home for me once a week. Yesterday she was called away on a family emergency. Howerever, I wsn't contacted and told. If I had been, I would have left work early and collected DD myself. A different member of staff, one who I don't like much, and certainly wouldn't ever invite into my home, closed up the after school club 20 minutes early (DD was the only child left) forced DD to get into the car, drove her home, came in and looked around, then left her there alone. DD was very upset, as she hadn't wanted to get into the car. She has been told never to get into a car with anyone, even someone we know, unless she has permission from myself, her school teacher or one or two specific family friends. She did not have permission to get into this persons car, and I would not have agreed to this person driving my child anywhere, or to coming into my home. I tried to complain, but the after school club do not seem to think anything untoward has happened, and say the staff member was doing me a favour!

OP posts:
clemetteattlee · 25/11/2011 19:42

Why would you let your child be looked after by a woman that you wouldn't have in your home?

lisad123 · 25/11/2011 19:47

She was doing you a favor. She can't have kept it open for your dd and what would you have done if you got home and she WASNT there!!
Why were you contactable?

lisad123 · 25/11/2011 19:49

If she kept dd there she would have had to have another staff memember with her, so you wanted 2 staff to waste time because you can't get there in time. Hmm

thisisyesterday · 25/11/2011 19:55

they closed 20 minutes early and didn't give her the chance to get there!

thisisyesterday · 25/11/2011 19:56

and why would she need another member of staff with her there if thjey'd waited? didn't take 2 of them to drive her home without the OP's permission did it Hmm

lisad123 · 25/11/2011 20:03

But op said normally staff memember drives her home, so would guess my
Would have panicked when her dd didn't turn up as normal! Clearly thought she was helping, and I'm sure a 10 year old could be alone for 20mins.

thisisyesterday · 25/11/2011 20:15

she has a private arrangement with a particular member of staff though, who she is happy to bring her home, at the correct time!

if that member of staff was not there today then the OP should have been contacted so that she could collect her dd herself.

lisad123 · 25/11/2011 20:17

Opps, teach me to speed read Blush thought it said op was uncontactable!!

In which case you should have been told and are not unreasonable

daveywarbeck · 25/11/2011 20:19

OP are you usually at home when your DD is brought home by the worker with whom you have the arrangement? Because if all that has happened is that your daughter has been left alone in the house a little bit earlier and by someone else, then YABU, a bit, although they should have contacted you.

If your daughter is not usually left alone in the house on drop off, you are definitely not being unreasonable.

bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe · 25/11/2011 20:27

The fact that you dislike this other worker is utterly irrelevant.

You must have a back-up plan for when nice asc worker is unavailable. What is it?

DownbytheRiverside · 25/11/2011 20:29

If you are paying for an ASC, surely they can't just quit early? You are paying for child care to a specific time.

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 25/11/2011 20:31

YANBU. They should have let you know. When you don't know there is a problem, you cannot make other arrangements because you don't know there are other arrangements to be made!!

RomanChristingle · 25/11/2011 20:32

I don't like the sound of them 'forcing' her into the car. Was she manhandled?

redskyatnight · 25/11/2011 20:39

I am wondering if something like this conversation took place at asc:

"nice" asc worker - aarrggh, I really need to deal with my family emergency and my head is full of that but what will you do because I'm one of the 2 workers that usually stays till the end and I take crabapple's DD home.

"nasty" asc - well I can hang on till all the children have gone and give crabapple's DD a lift home instead of you.

"nice asc" - phew thanks, that's great. I can go off and deal with my emergency now and not worry about a thing

I take 2 other children home from school normally. If an emergency happened I wouldn't think twice about asking someone-else-trusted to take them home instead. Granted I probably would try to talk to their parents first, but if I was mostly focussed on sorting my emergency I imagine I wouldn't spend a lot of effort trying to get hold of them and would make the assumption that trusted-person was ok to do it in my stead.

iloverainbows · 25/11/2011 20:42

Do I understand this correctly - you put your daughter in afterschool care with someone you don't like/trust and think that there will be times when this person alone will be in charge. The person you have a personal arrangement with had a personal emergency and you expected her to stop and think of you and call you to let you know that your daughter would be going home with someone else even though this was a colleague who (and I am guessing here) she thought would be trusted? Your daughter is 10 years old and can't be left for a few minutes on her own. You expected this person to stay at the club for the extra 20 minutes, on her own with your daughter, and then take her home?

Strikes me that you would have complained at any scenario as YOU don't like this person. This seems to be all about you and who you don't like, I would suggest you remove your daughter from the afterschool care as you can't guarantee this won't happen again. BTW is your daughter ok with this person?

IloveJudgeJudy · 25/11/2011 20:43

Agree with poster above who said that this is why no one does favours for anyone any more. Your DD is 10, she knew the adult. My only problem is that, because of child protection policies the person whose car she got into could have put herself into a tricky situation. You said that you didn't want that person in your house so that means that your DD must have their own key, or that your DD wasn't left home alone. 10's old enough to be left for an hour or two. Your DD should know your number and how to contact you at that age, too.

YABVU.

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 25/11/2011 20:45

Who are you rainbows the Head Teacher of MN?? Grin get your hoity-toity tone! I can just imagine you now...."DO I understand this correctly???" and looking over your glasses.

KittyFane · 25/11/2011 20:59

Agree rainbows but the person OP had a personal arrangement with should have phoned her despite her own emergency (before anyone says she might not have been able to, you can't just leave children - The day I heard my DF had died, I was in the middle of teaching and had a meeting later in the day. I phoned to cancel the meeting, called for class cover and went home).

ratspeaker · 25/11/2011 21:18

I think the point is the ASC was closed EARLY, no one contacted the OP to tell her it was closing early
A person drove her child home without being asked to or checking this was OK with the OP

Original poster
Crabapple99 · 25/11/2011 23:31

My daughter dows have a key for emergencies, but she has never used it before, she did try and ring me herself once she was in,but was shaking so much she couldn't dial.

The worker who usually brings her home stays until I arrive: I pay her for this.I do leave my daughter alone sometimes, but not at present because of we are having central heating put in, which means a) strange men coming and going without us knowing exactly when b) dirt, tools , occasional leaks, making the home unsuitable for children to be unsupervised.

Yes, the arrangement is only for if I don't get there on time, on this occasion I was 15 minutes before closing, but DD was already gone, and then it was another 45 minutes before I reached home,

As for my "back up plan" if the after school club worker who I pay privatly to do some childcare for me became unavailable, I would expect to be told, so I can leave work early and get her myself.

No, she wasn't manhandled into the car, just shouted at until she got in, which she did her best to resist, knowing it would be against my rules.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 25/11/2011 23:35

I am sorry crabapple but your daughter is less than a year away from going to high school.. how on earth is she going to cope if she gets so upset now at something which really shouldnt be so scary to a 10yo. Confused

Original poster
Crabapple99 · 25/11/2011 23:43

She dislikes and is afraid of this particular worker. She knew she was not allowed to get into the car with her, and she was afraid of being alone at home and thinking workmen might suddenly come in, or already be in the house somewhere.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 25/11/2011 23:45

Why does she have a dislike for someone though? Is there a reason for it, or is it just because you dont like the person?

Why is she scared of workmen?

I am not trying to be antagonistic here, but this is a 10yo, not a 6yo and it sounds worrying to be that a child of that age is so nervous of people.

faeriefruitcake · 25/11/2011 23:46

Is she insured to have pupils in her car?

She left a 10yr old on a doorstop, she made no effort to contact you. I would nail her ass to the flag pole.

squeakytoy · 25/11/2011 23:48

She didnt leave the child on the doorstep, the child had a key and the woman went in with her to check it was ok in the house.

She was probably of the mindset that a 10yo is ok to be in a house on their own for a short length of time, like most people would be. She probably couldnt wait to get away from the child anyway if the child was showing such blatant dislike of her. :(