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AIBU?

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Original poster

After School Cub worker drove DD home and left her there!

245 replies

Crabapple99 · 25/11/2011 17:21

I have an arrangement with one afterschool club worker that she takes my 10 year old daughter home for me once a week. Yesterday she was called away on a family emergency. Howerever, I wsn't contacted and told. If I had been, I would have left work early and collected DD myself. A different member of staff, one who I don't like much, and certainly wouldn't ever invite into my home, closed up the after school club 20 minutes early (DD was the only child left) forced DD to get into the car, drove her home, came in and looked around, then left her there alone. DD was very upset, as she hadn't wanted to get into the car. She has been told never to get into a car with anyone, even someone we know, unless she has permission from myself, her school teacher or one or two specific family friends. She did not have permission to get into this persons car, and I would not have agreed to this person driving my child anywhere, or to coming into my home. I tried to complain, but the after school club do not seem to think anything untoward has happened, and say the staff member was doing me a favour!

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 26/11/2011 17:54

How has she helped the colleague by closing early?

flatbread · 26/11/2011 17:55

Seems like OP is creating a mountain out of a molehill. Perhaps the worker made an unkind remark about dd's birthmark. But she seems to have apologized. Move on, your dd will face a lot worse comments in life. But, no, it seems OP will hold a grudge forever

In this instance, nothing bad happened, a worker that dd knows took her home. But no, instead of just accepting that life happens, OP gets hysterical here, dd is left "shaking with fear" over a non-issue.

The 'victim' here seems to be common sense.

WidowWadman · 26/11/2011 18:03

soupdragon - if the coworker is usually the one closing up, but she's normally leaving earlier she would have helped the coworker.

I find the idea of a 10 year old shaking with fear if alone for 20 minutes quite worrisome.

saladsandwich · 26/11/2011 18:05

i'm guessing they had to shut the club and they couldnt get hold of you if there was no other kids left. your phone only as to be out of signal for them to not be able to contact you.

i agree with a poster who said that the arrangement you have for your DD being driven home will probably have to come to an end, i've worked in childcare and not i9n a million years would i have took such an arrangement on in the first place.

if your DD is so scared of that worker she shouldn't be at that ASC.

Neuromantic · 26/11/2011 20:04

Some of you people are as bonkers as conkers.

RitaMorgan · 26/11/2011 20:05

I would be livid and would complain to the governors and ofsted on the grounds that firstly they shouldn't have closed early without contacting you, secondly your dd shouldn't have been taken off the premises without your permission and thirdly they shouldn't have left a child alone while in their care.

RainboweBrite · 26/11/2011 20:10

I've already said I don't think YANBU, OP, but RitaMorgan has put it very well indeed!

MrsMojoRisin · 26/11/2011 20:35

Agree with Edam. I would be furious and would make an official complaint to Ofsted - assuming the After school club is registered with Ofsted, which they should be.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 26/11/2011 21:13

I'm failing to see how one child/one staff is against rules but It's acceptable for that same lone member of staff to take that child off in her car without permission. Something has gone tits up with that logic.

RitaMorgan · 26/11/2011 21:18

They should have a policy for what happens if a child isn't collected - and they must have a policy for if a staff member is ill or called away. Leaving a child home alone doesn't count.

Original poster
Crabapple99 · 26/11/2011 21:51

No, there was no attempt made to contact me at all, my DD was scared not by being alone for an hour but by NOT KNOWING if she was alone in the house or not, thinking there might be a workman upstairs still. The house is a mess, with no electricity upstairs at the moment, and tools, and central heating parts all overthe place, as wel as dust sheets, dust and unusual dripping and tapping noises.There were 3 members of staff still present when the decision was made to close early. The decision was made becasue all the other children had been collected early, and the staff were having an early christmas get together in a local pub later on in the evening, and they wanted to get ready.

I have spent the day looking for alternative after school arrangements. She will have to return for another 2 weeks though, as I've paid, and won't be able to pay twice.

OP posts:
flatbread · 26/11/2011 22:21

If the coworker came home, she must have checked around and would have heard a workman? Or couldn't your daughter have just called out "anyone home?".

I don't get the angst. It hardly sounds anything worth getting so upset about. Yes rules may not have been followed to the tee, but does anyone in RL do everything by the book? In my job, I make decisions based on a changing environment.Yes, they may impact others, but I rely on my judgement on what is appropriate. I imagine others do the same, after all, they are not robots. If you leave your child with others, they will make decisions they think are correct, you cannot remote control every situation. As far as I see, no harm done and a fuss about nothing.

MollieO · 26/11/2011 22:28

If I wasn't happy with ASC and they were in breach of their guidelines I would be expecting a refund for unused days and use that to find an alternative ASC. I don't see how you could plan to send your dd back there in view of what happened.

hocuspontas · 26/11/2011 22:35

I didn't realise you'd spoken to them, what was their excuse for not phoning?

GwendolineMaryLacey · 26/11/2011 22:35

Would think the angst, as you put it, comes from leaving your child in someone's care, someone that you are paying and think you can trust, only to find they've shut up shop and pissed off home early, dumping your child.

AChickenCalledKorma · 26/11/2011 22:44

I'm amazed by the number of people who think a 10yo "should" be quite happy to be left alone at home for 20mins. DD1 is nine and a half and is nowhere near being happy to be left alone at home. NSPCC guidelines are that children under the age of about 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time. I reckon 20 minutes would feel like quite a long time to a 10yo who had already been put into an awkward situation with a carer she was uncomfortable with.

Carer should not have driven her home without your permission and was putting themselves in a dodgy position, being alone in the car with your DD. And most definitely should not have left her at home alone.

flatbread · 26/11/2011 22:47

dumping your child Hmm. I guess you mean dropping a 10 year old girl home, going inside the house with her, and presumably checking that everything looks ok.

And the change in routine was a one off due to an emergency, coupled with a once in a year Christmas to-do.

I assume you are this rigid when it comes to your own work environment and never take emergency time off when your child is ill or something untoward happens? Never make an arrangement with a coworker to cover for you? A little common sense and understanding would be more befitting than all this anger.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 26/11/2011 22:53

Where children are concerned and if I was in a position of trust, yes I am this rigid. Where's the cut off? 7? 8? 9?

Hmm back at you

RitaMorgan · 26/11/2011 22:57

Whether or not a 10 year old "should" be ok with all of this is irrelevant.

I work in childcare and no, I would never shut up shop early or make decisions that go against the setting's policies and Ofsted's rules so I could go home early. There was no emergency situation that meant leaving the girl at home alone was the only thing they could do.

Surely one of the most fundamental things you expect from a childcare provider is that they actually watch your child during the hours you pay them to. There is no possible excuse for taking a child from the premises and dropping them off in an empty house without even contacting a parent!

flatbread · 26/11/2011 23:00

A child who obviously has the home keys and has been left home alone before?

You might be rigid where children are concerned, your boss could be rigid where money is concerned, a jobsworth may be rigid because a rule is a rule. Where does all this end - probably in an intolerant society lacking common sense Sad

Iscreamtea · 26/11/2011 23:03

On what planet is it ok for someone who has been paid to care for a child to leave them on their own so they can slope off early for a Xmas do?

Surely it is up to a parent to decide if their child is ok to be left or not? In this case the parent has paid for childcare so clearly not happy for her to be left alone. Irrespective of the opinions of random internet types, or ASC staff, about what a 10 yr old should be ok with.

pictish · 26/11/2011 23:03

What a lot of fuss over nothing OP.
You and your dd could be doing with going to strapping-on-a-pair classes with a module in advanced get-a-gripping.

How melodramatic.

RitaMorgan · 26/11/2011 23:08

Common sense is, if you have been paid to look after a child for X hours then you do. You don't drop them at home whenever you feel like it.

RitaMorgan · 26/11/2011 23:11

I wonder if the responses would be the same if a Year 6 teacher decided she'd had enough by 2.30pm and sent her class home Hmm

FionaBruise · 26/11/2011 23:12

think would've been better if they'd called you to let you know change of arrangements, but in my mind, depending on the 10 year old, 10 is old enough to be left alone for quite a while /taken home by a member of crb checked staff

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