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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

After School Cub worker drove DD home and left her there!

245 replies

Crabapple99 · 25/11/2011 17:21

I have an arrangement with one afterschool club worker that she takes my 10 year old daughter home for me once a week. Yesterday she was called away on a family emergency. Howerever, I wsn't contacted and told. If I had been, I would have left work early and collected DD myself. A different member of staff, one who I don't like much, and certainly wouldn't ever invite into my home, closed up the after school club 20 minutes early (DD was the only child left) forced DD to get into the car, drove her home, came in and looked around, then left her there alone. DD was very upset, as she hadn't wanted to get into the car. She has been told never to get into a car with anyone, even someone we know, unless she has permission from myself, her school teacher or one or two specific family friends. She did not have permission to get into this persons car, and I would not have agreed to this person driving my child anywhere, or to coming into my home. I tried to complain, but the after school club do not seem to think anything untoward has happened, and say the staff member was doing me a favour!

OP posts:
IloveJudgeJudy · 27/11/2011 16:03

Yep, Neuromantic, you could take my DC to anyone you judged fit, or take them home, at 10 yo, and leave them less than an hour for me to come home. What on earth are you people teaching your DC, that they have no life skills at all, that they are still all babies that need to be looked after at all times? You need to be teaching them independence and not to be so worried about stuff. Nothing happened, did it? That's what JJ would see.

purepurple · 27/11/2011 16:07

But the worker wasn't alone with the child as there were 3 workers at the after school club. The only time the worker was alone with the child was when the worker took the child in her own car.
The only reason that the worker took the child home was so that she and the other workers could go to the pub.
Maybe the child is still at the after school club because it is the only one in the area and the op hasn't got anyone else to look after her. The worker is not the only one who works there. Do you like all your DC's teachers/sports coaches/nursery nurses?

hocuspontas · 27/11/2011 16:14

The only thing I would be cross about was if the dd begged and screamed not to be left alone in the house and the carer ignored her and did actually 'dump' and run. But we don't know that, although some posters are imagining that is what happened.

IloveJudgeJudy · 27/11/2011 16:20

Yep, OK, you got me there. OP did say much later that there had been three workers there. Don't know why the other one took her DD home. I probably wouldn't have been happy, but ho hum, that's life, nothing happened and much worse things do happen. OP should complain to ASC, but ensure that something is done about the birthmark/name calling. I do say again, though, that my DC wouldn't have been left with anyone who did that without something having been sorted out.

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 27/11/2011 16:24

"So, all of you who are saying this worker is in the wrong, what would you expect the worker with a family emergency to have done? Wait for OP to get to ASC? Would you all have done that if your DC were in hospital or your parents?"

The worker with the family emergency isn't the worker the OP is upset with, or the one that anyone here thinks was in the wrong

It's the three others who didn't have a family emergency but who still decided to leave work twenty minutes early, dropping off a ten year old girl to wait alone for an hour without even phone call to her mother in the process so they could go to the pub.

Those three people who are in the wrong. I'm sure most people would love to leave work early if it's a bit quiet, but most can't and don't, even those without a young child in their care.

purepurple · 27/11/2011 16:24

I do say again, though, that my DC wouldn't have been left with anyone who did that without something having been sorted out.
That's what the Op thought too.
That's why she is so pissed off. She had no idea that the plan had changed because nobody had told her.

longjane · 27/11/2011 16:31

When child was home alone why did she not call her mum ?

squeakytoy · 27/11/2011 16:31

I do still think that the biggest problem here is a 10yo who is not confident enough to be in a house, at teatime, for a short period, apparently shaking too much to use a phone.. I honestly find that very very hard to believe.

At 10 years of age I was capable of staying in while my mum went to the shops, and capable of going to the shops for her too.

I also knew which houses I should go to if there was an emergency.

If this was a 7 or 8 years old, I could have more understanding.

We also didnt even have a house phone, and didnt have one until I was 16, got my first job, and paid to have one put in myself!

I also find it hard to see how a five minute drive can take 45 minutes to walk either, unless it is on a motorway.

because the journey home from ASC is 45 mins walk, although only 5 mins by car, so it was over an hour.

I assume from looking back at this, you were walking, not driving, or you would have got there much quicker.. and am also wondering why you didnt ring the house to see if she was there? Would that not have been a logical assumption, given that the worker who normally gives her a lift was not there, you would think "oh, xxx must have taken her home early perhaps".

You could have rung the house, spoken to your daughter and said "be there soon".

biryani · 27/11/2011 16:34

If your arrangement with the member of staff was private. The other member of staff was doing what she thought was best under the circumstances. Whether you like her or deem her "suitable" is beside the point.She got your child home safely and went out of her way to do so. Ideally you should have been contacted - maybe they tried and couldn't get through? - but all ended ok, so what's the problem?

SoupDragon · 27/11/2011 16:35

No, the biggest problem is paid for care being shut early with no warning and no communication.

RitaMorgan · 27/11/2011 16:51

biryani - the point is though that the worker didn't drop the child home due to an emergency, she dropped her home in order to go home 20 minutes early! It's not like she went out of her way to do the OP a favour.

workshy - I agree. I work in a nursery and most days only have 1 or 2 children left after 5.30pm, so it doesn't seem strange to me that most children were collected from the ASC 20 minutes before closing.

As for "child protection" - surely ILoveJudgeJudy you can see that taking a child off the premises, getting them in a car alone with you, and then leaving them in an empty house is totally against any CP guidelines?

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 27/11/2011 16:55

She didn't go out of her way to ensure a child got home safely though, because to do that she and the other two colleagues would have stayed at work until closing time as they are paid to do and waited for her mother to collect her.

Instead the three of them went out of their way to leave work 20 minutes early, while a child was still in their care and without calling her mother to let her know what was happening and then left that child alone so they could get ready to go to the pub.

No matter what people think about the OP's daughter and her abilities to be left alone at home, these women were in a position of trust and they abused it for the sake of leaving work early for a night out.

squeakytoy · 27/11/2011 16:56

these women were in a position of trust and they abused it for the sake of leaving work early for a night out.

Allegedly.

RitaMorgan · 27/11/2011 16:58

There's no excuse for them leaving early unless the children would have been in danger if they had stayed til closing.

carben · 27/11/2011 17:07

I don't understand why you didn't immediately call home when you got to the ASC and saw that it was locked up. Surely you needed to know where your daughter was if the usual arrangement had broken down. You could have them stayed talking to your daughter all the way home if necessary to reassure her.

But you didn't do any of that you assumed your daughter was at home and you assumed she was OK.

Al

SoupDragon · 27/11/2011 17:08

Unless the ASC was closed early for safety, there really is no excuse regardless of whether the staff were going out on the piss.

ragged · 27/11/2011 17:27

I would love to hear the ASC staff side of this.
I keep feeling like there's some obvious big part of the whole thing I can't get my head around.

RainboweBrite · 27/11/2011 20:49

I still can't believe how many people seem to have it in for the OP, and as others have said, I wonder if you'd feel like this if it was your own DC?
Once again: OP YANBU.
Anyone who disagrees with OP: YABU.
End of.

t0lk13n · 27/11/2011 20:56

Yep still going on!

beatenbyayellowteacup · 27/11/2011 21:08

So...

Person A does you a favour by taking your daughter home every week. This person has a family emergency, but still organises for your daughter to get home safely. She didn't contact you, but maybe the nature of the emergency made her worried and/or maybe she figured that there wouldn't be much difference to you or your daughter as she'd be getting home safely. She possibly also assumed that seeing as you normally don't pick her up, that this is because you normally are unable to, so this week wouldn't be any different and you wouldn't be able to drop things to pick her up (hence she organises a lift).

Person B (presumably has the same CRB checks etc) takes your daughter home, as a favour to her colleague and to you. She doesn't know if you are normally home or whatever the usual deal is, so she leaves a 10 year old for a max of 20 mins longer than usual.

YABU

SoupDragon · 27/11/2011 21:14

Yet another poster fails to read the thread properly.

beatenbyayellowteacup · 27/11/2011 21:15

oops sorry Blush

WidowWadman · 27/11/2011 21:16

Rainbowbrite "having it in for the OP"? that's kind of melodramatic.

She asked for opinions and got plenty, not all of them agree. That's the nature of AIBU.

RitaMorgan · 27/11/2011 21:28

You managed to get almost every point wrong there beatenbyayellowteacup Grin

redskyatnight · 27/11/2011 21:41

I'm finding the whole collection arrangement quite bizarre.

the journey home from ASC is 45 mins walk, although only 5 mins by car.....I would have gone directly home if I'd known she was there, which would have been much faster

On this particular day OP goes to the after school club and arrives shortly before it (was scheduled to) close. Let's say ASC shuts at 6pm and she gets there at 5.50pm. If things had run as normal she would have collected DD and then has 45 minutes walk home, so would get home at 6.35pm.

Alternatively she could have chosen to go straight home and (say) got dinner started and let DD be dropped off by the ASC worker at, say 6.10pm. So 20 minutes less time with DD, but less stress for OP and no long walk home for DD at the end of a long day (especially now it is cold and dark at that time of day).

And she pays the ASC worker regardless so there's not saving to be made by not using her ... why would she even want to attempt to go to the ASC to pick DD up when there was a perfectly good arrangement in place to have her dropped home?

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