Are children's centres generally "rough"??

[catcherintherain]

I've taken my ds (14mths) a few times to a children's centre (general 0-5 play session). Some of the parents are quite nice but others are just on the sofas ignoring their kids and then nipping out for fags every 10 minutes.

Likewise some of the other children are nice but others are really rough. My son has been randomly hit by others (on purpose) a few times and there is lots of snatching and a bit of fighting.

But the facilities are really great - outside play, water play, messy play, sensory area, free snack for the kids etc.

None of my NCT friends go to the children's centres (except) bumps and babies, and I was wondering if it's because everyone knows they are a bit rough and so those that can afford it stay away?? Otherwise it seems really odd as not many go to the play session but baby sensory at £7 for less than a hour has a waiting list! I guess it depends in part on the area - mine is a bit of a mix but definitely does has some rougher bits.

So my question is - if you stay away from the children's centres is it because you think they are a bit rough - or something else??

This thread has pissed me right off. Homestart saved my life. And horrible little people like you belittle it. Jog on

What a nasty snobby thread. I've found the SS centre to be great and have made friends with women of all nationalities and class status there. My DD is happy to play with any kid so we go because it get's us out of the house. I've also learned some great stuff such as baby first aid etc which I probably wouldn't have known about otherwise.

I love my local children's centre. I go to lots of different groups there. We have to pay a pound per family but it's worth it I think. There is a mixture of people that go, young mums, older mums, rich mums and poor mums.

My local Sure Start centre is fab! I got a place for 2 of my youngest DC's there and was delighted because it is a natural feed to the local primary school to which it is attached, the school was a new build to replace a long running school which had to be demolished - the new build was a LEA showcase which teaches mixed ability children age 4-11 and has just 303 pupils.

I cannot believe some of the snobbery on this thread, surely children from all backgrounds and abilities are entitled to a good if not excellent education - not only academically but socially, learning to get along with peers of all 'classes' and abilities is how they learn to become upstanding members of the community surely?

Reading back PenguinArmy hit it on the head with "I feel a bit uncomfortable at our one, but I think money is limited as they do a lot of targeted activities and it was made clear to me I'm not the target".

That's pretty much spot on how I felt.

I think it despicable that some posters are describing in terms of "rough", "scummy" etc - that's just nasty.

However there is room for discussion and all opinions without name calling.

Agree that if OP is uncomfortable, she shouldn't go. I didn't go back with DD2 because I felt I had been humoured rather than really and truly being accepted as just another mum struggling with her first baby.

Ours is a good x section and mostly attended by mums from all backgrounds who just want the best for their kids. Tbh, the worst one for children whacking each other unchallenged was the local middle class endorsed church playgroup. There were so many cliques (one of which I, admittedly, was a member) so busy catching up with each other that it did turn into a bit of a bear pit at times. I watched DS1 pretty closely though, as he had a tendency to enjoy a bit of argy bargy, but not so much DS2 (more a lover than a fighter.)

Ours is only open for baby weighing and traveller stay&play. Not hugely useful for me

M husband and I both have PhDs and have professional jobs. We are very enthusiastic users of our local SureStart centres. They have been a useful point of contact for health professionals and other useful information. For instance each BabyStart session has a theme like weaning or immunisations. It was with great reluctance I had to remove DS1 from nursery there since they lost their under 2 funding, hence DS2 could not follow. DS1 still misses it there.
As for me I liked the fact i got to meet other mums, make friends with a wide variety of people and not feel like one is in a bubble, which can be a danger. Its in a rough area but i cannot say that the mums and children are any different to anywhere else.

I'm MC but a young parent so I'm multi-purpose. I took DS to lots of classes and groups when I was on maternity leave and the only one I didn't 'fit in' at was the baby sensory one in a neighbouring town where nobody spoke to me except the SAHD, apart from one woman who sneered at me when 10wo DS started crying because her 14wo DD 'loves it here, she gets so much out of it and you can see the results in her advanced development'. If I hadn't had terrible PND I might have laughed but as it was, I just didn't go back.

IME children's centres tend to attract the kind of parents who actually care about doing things with their baby/toddler. The ones who don't take their kids to the shopping centre.

I've met so many diverse people over the years that have come and gone to homestart. We have a small chinese community that come as well as black families, at the moment we have a russian lady and her son and the rest of us who are from council estates and the ones wmho drive the 4 by 4's. Everyone is welcome providing your youngest is under 5. The only thing is there is such a waiting list and not everyone who needs the support can be supported as there is also a lack of volunteers

I hate typing on a blackberry, my spellings awful!

OP, it sounds to me that you and your DS get more out of going than not going, so my advice would be to carry on and stop worrying about it being 'rough'. Perhaps you could invite some of your other NCT friends along too?
at 'scummers' comment. No need for that at all.

I underused ours tbh, because I don't like toddler groups at all - but SIL dragged me along to SureStart a few times & it was nicely resourced & friendly.

More to the point, they were an absolute bloody lifeline for SIL, who'd fled back to the UK with her practically newborn, PND, & an abusive ex she was terrified of threatening to turn up any minute & kidnap dnephew. Really helpful with support & advice.

I have to admit I did have a bad impression of our local Sure Start before I had my DS, however after a couple of horrible Mum & Baby Groups with such unfriendly, snobby people, I tried ours and love it! There is a real mix of people however they are all so welcoming and really lovely, I feel quite bad now about how prejudiced I was before It has certainly taught me not to be so judgemental.

No they are definately not rough . Although they provide an invaluable outreach support system for parents who need to develop skills, there is a healthy mix of new mothers. My advice is not to judge a book by its cover because you might miss out on a great read!
Facilities are excellent and actually even those you consider to be 'rough' who attend are doing so for the benefit of their babies. Please bare that in mind

Obviously the notices saying "please don't gossip about people when they are not here" need to be a bit bigger.

That message seems to have passed the OP by entirely.....

We go regularly to ours and it's not rough at all. The staff doesn't lecture you either. Great place!

I think in view of the ops views we can safely rule out attending the local state primary school if this is her attitude to stay and play at childrens centres.
As it is your first we can give some benefit of the doubt about snobbery.
As someone who is a mother and a HV you need to understand that ALL children regardless of ethnicity/ social class are by nature selfish and until they learn society rules (well into primary school) they will use physical methods to get what they want. That isn't to say it should be condoned and not acted upon, but some mothers and fathers require support with this. It may be beneficial if your child behaves well to raise discussion on discipline in a non judgemental and supportive way to aid their learning.
I cannot count the number of incidents my daughter has had through being attacked by other children at pre-school (including nearly being stabbed in the eye with scissors) she still attends and FWIW the child was not from a 'rough' background. There are undisciplined/ indulgent parents from all backgrounds.

OP - please do try your local centre. I live in a very deprived town in the North East and our local centres are fantastic! (Read senseofentitlement on page 3of this thread - I am sure she must go to my local centre.)

Both me and OH are professionals and are annoyingly precious about our DD. However, we practically live at our Children's centre. There is so much to do with new, clean, purpose built facilities. There is a mix of people form all different backgrounds. There are quiet children and exuberant ones and little Jocista is just as likely to throw a wobbler as little Jayden. Kids are kids. In my three and half years attending, I have only ever seen three parents go outside for a smoke. Yes, I secretly was hand-wringing in my head, BUT I then I get over it and am just impressed that everyone is just trying to do their best for their littlies. It takes a lot of courage for parents with difficulties at home or low self esteem to come along to these activities. Not everyone feels comfortable dancing and signing with their children. I have been to lots of 'subscribed' groups too and I can honestly say that none of them provided the same friendliness or quality of resources and activities for my child.
I have met some brilliant people at the Sure Start Centres, people who I may have thought 'weren't my type' , and I happy to admit that I was a snobby stuck up bitch wrong and lucky to have had the opportunity to mix with parents from all walks of life.

CATCHERINTHERAIN IS A SHIT STIRRER FOLKS - FIRST THREAD ON MUMSNET

I don't want you to think that this is a real person's views because even if she does think this, she is merely here to try and wind you all up. 'She' probably doesn't even have kids.

Everything she has said, including the bit about the notices being up at the centre, is all bollocks. No doubt there are some bored arseholes on some other forum having a great laugh at our expense.

I have actually met people who think this though - it is good to confront it. I used to be a team leader with a book selling company, and one of my team refused to do events in surestarts, because "they are full of poverty" and she didn't want her child to mix with the people who use surestart.

I was like this

I must add that said person had some really weird views in general - she refused to use public transport and would not let anyone write down her son's name - apparently people keep trying to take him off her because they are jealous. Of what I'm not sure. She also got really offended when she "found out" that the company we worked for makes a profit. So we can take whatever she says with a pinch of salt.

I love my local centre. It IS true that they perhaps do target more vulnerable groups and not middle class NCT-ers but I've always felt very welcome there nonetheless and I just shrug off the unsolicited advice from hovering HVs.

I loved the SureStart centres. They were no different to other toddler groups really and I lived in Preston in a fairly deprived area so I'm sure many might have thought the centre would be rough. Actually it was full of young mums, single mums, married mums, Asian mums, first-time mums, older mums - basically everyone all came together and because we knew that the centre was largely for mums who were living in these areas and didn't have a lot of money, that kinda broke the ice with us all. We knew we were all in the same boat so it was easier to get chatting and there was no snobbishness, no comparing of lifestyles, no talking about salaries and what your partner did. Some of the mums came from one-roomed flats and were grateful for a place to let their babies crawl around with freedom.

The centres arranged trips to Blackpool, to petting farms and so on and it was just so nice to be able to take our babies somewhere and have a great day out with them. We didn't feel we were missing out as much then.

The community atmosphere was great and whilst I struggled to be fully accepted with the NCT (which I was eventually but I guess that was more personal with it being in people's houses) I felt warmly welcomed in the SureStart Centre.

My dh even went along on a trip with them to Chester Zoo with our dd whilst I was at home having just given birth to ds. It was nice for him to able to spend time with our daughter, giving her lots of attention so she didn't feel left out after the birth of her new brother.

They are excellent and I'm gutted that so many have closed down due to lack of funding. They were a lifeline for so many mothers and fathers.

Have experience of two.

First was utterly dreadful - I had left my 5yr old DS in the holiday club during the summer holiday after his first year in primary school - thought was he was too grown-up for CM. He was sitting at the edge of a huge hall full of older children who were really noisy and boisterous. Everyone was ignoring him. He looked terrified and burst into tears when he saw me. He had also soiled himself and no-one had noticed or cared. He didnt go back.

Second was when I took DD to stay and play when DS2 was a baby and I was still on mat leave. Couldn't have been nicer TBH. A totally lovely experience.

Rhubarb - my old town is Preston :) I still credit the Preston surestart people for getting me out of the house at all when I was suffering from PND. The baby group at riverside was the highlight of my week. Because of that, I will always fight for surestart.

There is a lovely Labour MP called Sharon Hodgson who fights for surestart. She rules :)