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AIBU?

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Original poster

Are children's centres generally "rough"??

152 replies

catcherintherain · 23/11/2011 12:21

I've taken my ds (14mths) a few times to a children's centre (general 0-5 play session). Some of the parents are quite nice but others are just on the sofas ignoring their kids and then nipping out for fags every 10 minutes.

Likewise some of the other children are nice but others are really rough. My son has been randomly hit by others (on purpose) a few times and there is lots of snatching and a bit of fighting.

But the facilities are really great - outside play, water play, messy play, sensory area, free snack for the kids etc.

None of my NCT friends go to the children's centres (except) bumps and babies, and I was wondering if it's because everyone knows they are a bit rough and so those that can afford it stay away?? Otherwise it seems really odd as not many go to the play session but baby sensory at £7 for less than a hour has a waiting list! I guess it depends in part on the area - mine is a bit of a mix but definitely does has some rougher bits.

So my question is - if you stay away from the children's centres is it because you think they are a bit rough - or something else??

OP posts:
Memoo · 23/11/2011 12:36

Ours is brilliant!

I am on the waiting list for a home start volunteer. I had bad PND. Do that make me a 'scummer'?

wigglesrock · 23/11/2011 12:36

Some parents are afraid their children will catch poor Grin.

My 2 elder dds both went to and dd2 still goes to what would be termed "rough" nursery schools (the year before primary), the teachers were fantastic, the curriculum was bloody brilliant as were the facilities in the school re play areas and also dedicated speech therapists, parenting classes, back to work classes etc.

Dd1 went to after schools gymnastics in a la de da centre for the past couple of years, the children may have spoken nicely but God were they badly mannered and grasping.

The parents at dds nursery school smoke outside the gate, doesn't bother me in the slightest, people smoke [shrug], my childrens great granny smokes as do their aunts.

An0therName · 23/11/2011 12:36

The main reason I don't go to children centres - apart from I have always gone to nearer toddler groups which although not free were very cheap - is that I find (some) of the staff really annoying - if you don't agree with what they are doing they get narky and I have found I get treated like a "client". the other mums and kids were fine
the sensory room will have a waiting list as there won't be one elsewhere

You certainly get hitting and snatching at "nice" NCT groups or at least
we did ...

tripleZ · 23/11/2011 12:37

Our children centres aren't free - though they have dropped the costs considerable last two years.

Perhaps they don't know the centres are there, perhaps they have been and they weren't very welcomed, perhaps the centres have things on at the wrong time, perhaps there are restrictions on age ranges - with more than one DC than been a huge issue for me at times. These reasons have all stop me using some of children centres near me at some point.

Maybe they are like my next door neighbour and feel classes are some how superior to groups that let the DC just play?

IME children centre vary wildly and change over time as do the people who use them.

tripleZ · 23/11/2011 12:38

Oh yes - agree with An0therName - sometimes its the staff being bit to interfering or controlling or judging.

valiumredhead · 23/11/2011 12:39

Its only the scummers who get Homestart help who go there

Please tell me you are joking!

pigletmania · 23/11/2011 12:40

Yes you do op, but even little Clemmie or Henry parents can turn a blind eye to their behaviour no only the Wayne and Waynettas?

MardyArsedMidlander · 23/11/2011 12:40

I have found that Nice Middle Class children are just as prone to fighting, snatching and hitting other children.

fishandlilacs · 23/11/2011 12:42

"But surely if you see your child attacking someone you stop them don't you? Maybe it's just the one local to me"

Yes catcher-but my point is you get that anywhere. Not just childrens centres. You cannot tar them with the same brush just because they are at surestart centres. Sounds like you have been unlucky with the parents surrounding you, but please don't generalise over childrens centres. They do vary but then other toddler groups vary also.

SimoneD · 23/11/2011 12:43

OP - what do you mean by 'child attacking someone'. If you mean snatching toys or a bit of pushing surely you realise that almost all toddlers do this to some extent. Its all part of the learning process. You'll do your child no favours by wrapping him up in cotton wool. You sound a bit precious and neurotic tbh

SucksToBeMe · 23/11/2011 12:43

Our local centre is great! but then again, I am "poor and rough" Grin

fishandlilacs · 23/11/2011 12:46

and hackmum "Is it snobbish not to want your 14 month child to be hit by other kids?"

No it is not, but my point is you get that anywhere. It's the generalisation I object to.

tripleZ · 23/11/2011 12:46

IME of living in middle class area and a deprived are is that all children hit and snatch and that you will get parents who ignore this - but the proportion of parents who ignore this behaviour has been greater in the deprived area.

No idea if this is a general trend of not - but it is counter acted by either finding other groups with less of such parents, a lot of vigilance of own DC, lots of hovering over them and a lot of distracting other peoples DC and intervening immediately.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/11/2011 12:47

Am amazed you haven't been roasted to a crisp yet, and as for the 'scummers' comment, words fail me.

Fleurdebleurgh · 23/11/2011 12:48

Is that not what Homestart is for?

CailinDana · 23/11/2011 12:50

My local surestart (in a "rough" area) is brilliant - the building is lovely, the facilities are great and DS loves going there. Its funding is under threat though :( Sometimes the other children are a bit overzealous but it's my duty to look after my own child, what other children do is none of my business. If I did feel DS was in danger (which I never have) I would just move him to another part of the room.

I had to laugh when a mum I met through another parenting site that shall remain nameless sang the praises of the centre and expressed her surprise at the fact that it wasn't "rough" - "especially considering the area it's in". She then went on for about 5 minutes about what a dodgy area it was. Unfortunately for her that was the moment she chose to ask me where I live. Her face went white and then purple when I said "Just down the road from the centre" - ie bang slap in the middle of the area she'd been not-so-complimentary about Grin

If you're a snob you'll find some places difficult to be in, so find a place that suits your way of looking at the world. Most snobs gravitate towards expensive classes as the likelihood of meeting other snobs is high.

Bathsheba · 23/11/2011 12:50

I'm in Scotland so I think our "centres" have different names and aims. I once went to our closest one to my HV clinic to have DD2 weighed and, when I enquired about the things at the centre I was told I needed "to be referred there"...

So I have to say it never really figured as a possibility on my radar again as an option. I've no idea if they do things there that you don't need referred for (and I have no idea who you need to be referred by - your HV, SS or the Dr...) and to be honest although its not far away from my house I have no idea if it is still even open as I have heard nothing about it for a very long time

Esta3GG · 23/11/2011 12:51

Rough? No. I stayed away because all the mums were in their teens and I am in my 40s now. They kept asking if I was my son's granny.
It was a pretty crap environment though - I have a minor disability and they had no provision for adults to sit down. (Why, just because you have kids, are you expected to squat on the frigging floor all the time?)

My worst experience with aggressivekids and shit parenting was at a Steiner playgroup actually. Lots of drippy "oh it isn't aggression really - Tarquin is just expressing his frustration."

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/11/2011 12:51

Fleur, are you a troll or just a hideous snob?

5inthebed · 23/11/2011 12:52

But was it just the scummer's DC that were hitting your DC. How can you be sure?

I live right near two Sure Start centres, and one of them is full of young mums, the other full of NCT baby wearing breastfeeding until they are 12 mums and I can tell you which I prefer...

Memoo · 23/11/2011 12:52

Home start is to help anyone who might be struggling for whatever reason.

Proudnscary · 23/11/2011 12:53

Oh she will be roasted, Fanjo, tis a matter of time. But I can't be arsed to be the one to do it. I concur with your loss of speech.

northernwreck · 23/11/2011 12:55

I used to take ds to a Sure Start childrens centre in London when he was tiny.
They had a HV clinic there, and a caff, and I would sit there for hours drinking tea and chatting to people.
They also had free ante natal stuff, midwife clinics, stuff for older children. Brilliant, and saved me from total isolation. I hope they are still open.

daveywarbeck · 23/11/2011 12:55

thst's right, homestart is for "scummers". absolutely.

I have never been to one because i'm not much of a joiner but our cm goes all the time.

SenseofEntitlement · 23/11/2011 12:56

In our area, there are two main places to take under 5's. One is a community centre, where there are two playgroups - the type run by volunteers, where you pay 2 quid or so a child. Then there is the surestart. The area is pretty deprived, and in the north east.

Out of the playgroups, one is lovely but has quite tatty toys and can be a bit cliquey. It is also only on three mornings a week and has room for only ten or so children, who are mostly under 2. The other is much bigger - about 30 children or more. The play equipment is mostly active stuff - slides, bouncy castle etc. Again, some of the toys are pretty tatty, and anything with bits has lost most of the bits. It is also pretty rough and tumble - sometimes that is a good thing, but it is very loud and there are more fights and parents ignoring kids etc. It is also very cliquey.

Surestart, on the other hand, is lovely. Each day there are several activities on - messy play, stay and play, soft play, a toy library, a healthy homemade cafe. There is also a creche, courses, special groups for young mums, disabled kids, etc, a computer for job searches and of course the help and info if you are struggling. It is also free. They also do outreach groups in community centres and always make sure to welcome new people and make sure you are ok. The toys are beautiful and hardwearing (think chunky wooden aeroplanes, toy kitchens with homemade playdough, lightboxes with coloured films, huge rag dolls and of course plenty of books and creative play) and there are brilliant facilities like a pram park, good toilets and security locks on the doors. The only problem is that it is underused, as it has a reputation of being a bit posh.

So it isn't all children's centres at all. In fact, the ones in my old town were pretty much the same too.