Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

to be upset with DH for admitting he finds me unattractive

130 replies

moobrain · 19/11/2011 22:20

Asked DH why he was less affectionate to me.

He told me that my legs are 'awful' especially around the thighs.

I got upset and he then said that this was why he doesnt like talking about it.

The thing is I am probably about 1/2 stone heavier than pre-baby, am a size 10, fit most my old clothes apart from my 'thin day' clothes.

AIBU or should I appreciate his honesty (if not his tact!)

OP posts:

3rdOneComingUp · 20/11/2011 07:13

Most people can look at their partner's body and think - i'd like that to change or that BUT don't say anything unless you've changed beyond all recognition!

His timing and the fact that you are a size 10 show that he is being utterly unreasonable.

You have just had his baby, do you think that he may have issues with you being a mother (virgin whore complex sort of thing) now and has misdirected his angst?

MarieFromStMoritz · 20/11/2011 07:15

Am loving your posts today, CheerfulYank

daveywarbeck · 20/11/2011 07:30

what fellatio said.

Shodan · 20/11/2011 07:39

Do what CheerfulYank said.

Then tell him you find men whimpering in pain unattractive.

kblu · 20/11/2011 07:45

So I'm guessing he's Brad Pitt then is he? Honestly what an awful thing to say, what a complete tactless shit he is. YANBU.

I've gone from a size 12 to a 14 since having ds but although if I moan about it dh will agree that I have put a little bit of weight on he's not at all bothered by it and has never been nasty or stopped being affectionate.

I couldn't be with a bloke like yours, sorry.

kblu · 20/11/2011 07:50

I remember years ago being with a bloke for five years who adored the emaciated look. I was a size ten then with fantastic perky tits and great skin, so not a bad catch IMHO! I remember once he said to me "if you lost half a stone you'll be pretty much perfect". This was a massive warning sign or should have been. Unfortunately I stayed with him for another four years and allowed him to destroy my confidence and self esteem. Don't let this happen to you op.

nicknamenotinuse · 20/11/2011 09:11

You are a size 10 and he is slagging you off? He is very very very very odd. He must be the sexiest man on the planet. What a prick.

mummymccar · 20/11/2011 10:36

I used to be engaged to a guy like this. He was a total prick. He was so obsessed with my weight that he signed me up for a gym membership after I refused to. He even paid for it and refused to meet me on Wednesdays unless it was at the gym. (weds was his gym day). He used to get really paranoid about me putting on weight and would not only encourage me to weigh myself regularly but also controlled my portions by removing my food when he thought I'd had enough. Luckily it ended (for a completely different reason) but his best friend told me that he'd been boastIng about how he could now bed all these sample size model types. Nearly 4 years later and I'm hearing that he is pretty sick of celibacy now!
Seriously though, I've been there and I know how crushing it can be. You doubt yourself, you want to feel sexy but how can you if the man who is supposed to love you says you aren't good enough? You are gorgeous. Remember that. He said sOmething really awful to you, please don't think that it is true.
I now having a loving DP who worships me no matter what size I am (heavily pregnant so about the size of a baby hippo right now). That is how you should be treated.
You deserve more than that kind of comment.

CardyMow · 20/11/2011 10:42

He's cheating on you. Been there. He's using the insults and put downs as a way of justifying to himself that it's OK to cheat on you because...

SnapesMistress · 20/11/2011 10:48

What a dick, my ex used to say stuff like that, one of the many reasons why he is the ex. I am a size 20 now and although DP probably would prefer it if I was smaller he would never dream of saying so. Thats because its me he loves and not the way I look.

You could do with shedding a good 11 stone. :o

CardyMow · 20/11/2011 10:51

I'll quantify that one - When I had DS1 (my second dc), I was a size 8 before I fell pg, and 4 weeks after his birth I was still in a size 10. I had almost exactly the same comments from him. That my thighs were 'fat and wobbly', and he was less affectionate etc. Turns out he was cheating on me, and his way of making it 'ok' to hiself was to put me down and persuade himself that because I was a little larger than I had been before DS1, he was justified in looking elsewhere for his 'fun'.

Some men are complete tossers, and I am that no-one else on the thread has thought what I have - and it was honestly the first thing that popped into my head. Either he IS cheating, or he is about to soon IMO.

Your DH, IMO, is a nobjockey.

mumofthreekids · 20/11/2011 10:52

My DH admitted last year that he found me less attractive. I have to say it was the kick up the arse I needed to go on a diet and start exercising, and now I'm nearly back down to my pre-baby weight (just fighting those last few pounds). I had a lot more to lose than the OP though!

LadyBeagleEyes · 20/11/2011 10:56

Um, where has the OP gone?

FabbyChic · 20/11/2011 10:56

funny the OP hasnt been back since posting

knockkneedandknackered · 20/11/2011 11:27

hope you gave him a slap.

ChaoticAngel · 20/11/2011 11:47

Your H is a shallow twat.

planetpotty · 20/11/2011 11:53

Tops of legs? Size 10?

I don't think this is the real reason.

Please go out today with a friend and tell them all about it.

What a bastard!

Ps: I would kill for your size 10 legs

forehead · 20/11/2011 13:53

OP, why do you that your dh is less affectionate?
There's more to this tham meets the eye.

foreverondiet · 20/11/2011 17:04

1/2 stone and size 10? He is being a dick.

When I opened the thread I thought you were going to say 4 stone and a 16 and I would have said well maybe good idea to loose some weight. But even if he made those comments under those circumstances I'd still think he was a dick just that perhaps might be a good idea to loose a little.

SaggyHairyArse · 20/11/2011 17:08

Kick him in the bollocks. What a prick!

planetpotty · 20/11/2011 17:11

I've got it! Tell DH seeing as how it's honesty day has he considered a penis enlargement?' that should even things up a little!

flicktheswitch · 20/11/2011 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whatmeworry · 20/11/2011 19:01

There is more to this than thigh size I suspect....

TheFeministsWife · 20/11/2011 20:27

What an absolute fucking arse! I was a size 10 when I met DH, 17 years and 2 kids later and I'm a size 18. He still treats me like he did back then, as if I were sex on legs. Your DH better be Brad Pitt's more gorgeous younger brother to even think a thing like that. I'm sorry he's such an utter tit.

EllenandBump · 20/11/2011 20:39

I have now grown up and got over myself, i used to go and sit in a pub with my former husband and always used to have a cream cake for breakfast while pregnant ( and why shouldn't i) but after i had liam i started to get sly comments, but my answer to them is that if people, including those nearest and dearest dont like/ love me the way i am they know where they can go. I spent from the age of about 8 right up until i was about 20 worrying about being "thin" the bottom line is that YOU and only you can feel truly comfortable with your own body and if you are happy the way you are dont let anyone elses opinion matter, you wouldnt care if someone said they didnt like your favourite film etc, so just brush it off, pick yourself up and move on. And yes you did ask, but surely he could have been a little more diplomatic and not so harsh about his answer. He could just have said that he is still getting used to the way in which your body has changed. Anyway, keep your head up and dont go worrying about your dress size! x

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6