What should DD call my fathers wife?

[Cheeseandbiscuits]

Urgh, families!

My parents got divorced about 9 years ago as my Dad had an affair with an American woman. Once the divorce was through, he moved to the USA to be with the other woman and secretly married her. He told myself and my siblings a few months later. They are settled now in America and we see them 6 or 7 times a year.

I had DD in March. Since then, there has been an ongoing saga about what DD should call my Dads wife. She wants to be Grandma "as she is my Dads wife". However, that is what my Mum is called! My mum would hit the roof if she found this out. Plus I don't think it is appropriate. I don't see his wife as my stepmother. We co-exist quite happily together but would never specifically hang out or chat on the phone.

Anyway, we are flying out to see her and I think she should be called Auntie Cheese or something similar. This subject will get brought up again next week! AIBU?

Your DD should call her whatever you and your DP decide

Until she's old enough to call her whatever she decides

Nana?

My DCs call my step mum grandma name. Mainly as I can't stand her, we never see her but the thought of a 33 year old receiving grandma cards tickles me a bit

Call her by her first name.

I like Nana but thats what my MIL is.

Thanks worraliberty thats what I think

tiara

We tried getting DD to call my stepdad Grandad, however she too has taken to calling him by his first name like everybody else does anyway.

In your circumstances, I'd be teaching DD to call your Dad's wife by her first name right from the start.

Easier to go with Grandma Sarah or whatever she is called. That's what we do - my DCs have 2 step grandparents. Seems to please everyone.

My stepmum is referred to as Nanny and then her first name. She didn't want to 'intrude' but we insisted as she is very much a part of ds's life. My mum is called Granny and dh's mum is Nana.

She is part of the family and has been for nine years. I think you should call her whatever she want to be called, pref. a different name from your mum.

My mum would go nuts if she found out she was Grandma Cheese. my mum is single and, for understandable reasons, can't bear Dads wife. I think it would be another kick in the guts for her.

If you're able to get on with each other, she could be a valuable extra GP for your daughter, who doesn't need to know the reasons you're not keen on her until she's much, much older.

She's a step-grandma, so it's not outrageous for her to want to be just called Grandma, but I see why it doesn't feel right to you. Auntie seems to disregard the relationship that does exist. Can she be Granny Cheese, or Nanna Cheese, or some other grandma-word-plus-firstname?

It worked in my family - to my niece, my mum is Grandma Firstname and my step-sister's mum is Grandma, her MIL is Nanny and step-MIL is Nanna Firstname.

I am 'the wicked stepmother' to my son's grown up children. The grown up children all call me by my name (or whatever term they wish to use) but the grandchildren call me 'Grandma'. Very young children don't understand the whole divorce/new family thing - as far as they are concerned "Grandma" goes with "Grandad", so regardless of there being no blood-tie, I am "Grandma".

There are other terms if you don't want to use "Grandma". For DD my mother is "Grandma", but DH's mother was "Nanny X" and his stepmother is "Nanny Y".

I had a step-grandfather and step-grandmother and we only ever knew them a Uncle & Auntie. I think you refer to your Dad's wife in whatever way you feel comfortable. It might be difficult to have the conversation but just explain your reasons and leave it at that.

In some ways its quite sweet to think she'd like to be "Grandma" as it implies that she wants to be part of your lives and be involved. The alternative is that she is cold and wants nothing to do with your DD. However, it's totally your choice as to what your daughter refers to her as.

Good luck!

My MIL and FIL divorced when DH was 5 years old.

MIL is called Grandma.

FIL is called Grandpa. FIL's partner of 15 years is not a parent - and has never wanted to be one. When we asked her what she wanted to be called, she said just her name. We said that she needed to have some sort of authority in her name - not 'just' her name. So she is call Grand-.

This seems to work well, as she doesn't feel like a granny, but she still has the authority needed when dealing with a boisterous child!

She kind of has to earn the Grandma name ... imo. She's not an automatic one just because she married your dad!!! Some other nickname or pet name maybe. No scratch that - ghastly idea. Call her 'you'.

i wouldn't worry too much about having two grandma's or two nanny's tbh. DH's parents are re married and we have 2 nanny's, 3 grandads and 2 grandmas (inc great grandparents in some of that)

We use 'nanny Jan' in this situation. DD (26 mo) knows which grandparents we're referring to.

Sorry, cross-posts with loads!

I would go with Auntie whatever her name is.

Grandma whatever her name is is also an option, but one I would be put out with still if I were your Mum. I know it's not about your Mum, but still!

We have this, my Mum is granny, my father's wife is granny-name

You don't cal her 'Mummy' cos she married your dad, do you? Ick.

My kids just call her Grandma. My mum is Granny and MIL if she were still with us would be Nana. We have explained the situation to DS1, he knows she is grandpa's 2nd wife etc...

She should be called whatever she wants but not the same as your mother. Your step mother really should understand this - especially given the fact that she was the OW.