What should DD call my fathers wife?

[Cheeseandbiscuits]

Urgh, families!

My parents got divorced about 9 years ago as my Dad had an affair with an American woman. Once the divorce was through, he moved to the USA to be with the other woman and secretly married her. He told myself and my siblings a few months later. They are settled now in America and we see them 6 or 7 times a year.

I had DD in March. Since then, there has been an ongoing saga about what DD should call my Dads wife. She wants to be Grandma "as she is my Dads wife". However, that is what my Mum is called! My mum would hit the roof if she found this out. Plus I don't think it is appropriate. I don't see his wife as my stepmother. We co-exist quite happily together but would never specifically hang out or chat on the phone.

Anyway, we are flying out to see her and I think she should be called Auntie Cheese or something similar. This subject will get brought up again next week! AIBU?

My dd calls my step mother grandma Jan, my mom grandma and my mil nana. my step sisters kids have a grandma Kathy, a grandma Trish and a grandma Judy.
It seems to work
without complications.

Up to you. Dd will probably find a name anyway! Just her name if you like eg Sarah , granny/nanny Sarah Maybe but probably it'll be something lovely like doggyma (grandma with dogs) or gaggy or similar needing child generated name.

We have a poppa cos that's what the eldest called him. Grandad insisted on the full name so was not referred o by small child by name for ages lol.

I have a step-mum and my mum is still alive.

In our family dh's mum is Grandma, my mum is Nanny and my step-mum is GrannyHerChristianName.

Gaga?

My dc's call my stepmother Auntie [first name], which I think is a good compromise. She has her own dgc's and doesn't feel the need to stake a claim on her step grandchildren, but using Auntie at least shows respect for her, but then I am old fashioned and don't like children using adult's first names uninvited (so e.g. ds's godmother is also Auntie [first name]).

'My mum would go nuts if she found out she was Grandma Cheese'

Grandma Cheese sounds perfect

I have a step mum who married my dad way after I'd left home.
She is nanny x, same as my mum who is nanny y.
She is just as much a nanny to my kids as my mum is!
I could understand my mum being upset if I called my step mum 'mum' as that affects her role as mum was the ond who brought me up.
However both nannys have been around since the kids were born and have equal status in THEIR lives

How about a nickname? Grammy sounds good.

For some reason my family don't use grandad/grandma, we use nicknames. I'd say what my parent's names are to the GCs but it might out me because it's pretty unique!

My GPs were Gee and Eee. It didn't cause any issues.

In our family the stepmother is called by her name.
It just felt odd using anything else.

Hi Cheese [waves]

I think she should be called by her Christian name if you feel it would be inappropriate to give her an unearned title. In time you can always change your mind to granny [X]/nana. Personally I like the Nana option if your family don't use it regularly - then it is like a fake title that makes everyone happy.

I have no step grandparents but strangely never used my grandparents first name, i.e. Granny [mothers maiden name] and Granny [fathers surname] (although later she lost the right to the granny title and I simply use her first name now). Which I thought was normal but perhaps it isn't...

My DSs call my mum's husband by his first name. They have never and will never call him grandpa or grandad etc. because he isn't.

Hmmm my father remarried after my mother died. Obviously I was never going to call another woman 'mum' and the kids just called her by a derivative of her first name as I do. The youngest asked if he could call her nanny as he didnt have one. So he does.

Not helpful is it?

Children will call people what they want.

my VBFs ILS run a pub hence they are Nana and Granda-Pub

The woman has no right to a familial title. Tell her she has a choice of being called by her Christian name or "whorebag". A choice is a choice after all :o

Blimey, thanks for all the replies. Sorry for not replying sooner, DD has been a handful.

I have decided that she is not going to be Grandma. She can be nanny or an american version ( quite like mimi, thanks wentshopping) if she feels that strongly about it. I can understand why she doesn't want to be Auntie, DD already has 2 aunties.

I am kind of hoping that it won't get brought up again and I can bury my head in the sand and that she just gets called whatever DD wants when the time comes.

Both DH parent remarried and his step mum parents are still both alive and as they dont have any children/grandchild
MY children call then grandma and gradpa - SIL didnt want the kids to call them that so they call them by their names.

My grandparents all died before i was 6... so i am happy for my kids to have as many grandparents as possiable ;) we have-

nana & grandad
grandad in wales & grandma in Wales
grandma & grandpa
nanny grill and uncle geoff (Her DH is only a few years older that my DH and was happier with 'uncle'
nanny Ann and grandad

but to be honest kids will come up with their own ideas.... little boy next door calls one of his nanny's 'nanny dogs' :)