to be upset at racism accusation due to dd1's comment in town.

[PrincessScrumpy]

dd1 is 3 and said loudly "look mummy that lady has a chocolate face." The woman heard and said " nice to see you training her to be racist already!" I was really shocked. dd didn't mean offence it was an observation that her skin colour was the same as chocolate. She's only met a few people from other races due to us living in the West Country but I've always explained skin colour in the same way as hair and eye colour being different.

She did say it once before about Tiger Woods on TV but I decided to ignore it and not make an issue. dd now is asking what racist is and I don't think a 3yo needs to know - they don't see colour as a issue or feel superior etc. Left me shaken and actally quite cross. I really think the lady was being oversensitive.

Can we just be clear here?

CHOCOLATE FACE IS OFFENSIVE

If it isn't, why aren't we all saying it everyday?

---

But, she was not called 'chocolate face', it was used as a description, not as a name or label.

Just after I was born, my dad took my sister (3) to a chinese restaurant. She behaved really well until they were getting ready to leave when she asked "Daddy, why do all the waiters look like monkeys?". She had never seen Chinese people before, but it was a particularly bad turn of phrase. My dad was absolutely mortified but luckily the waiters laughed it off...

She's now had a long career in HR, specialising in diversity in the workplace!

Christ almighty if my DD saw a black person on the TV and said "that man has a chocolate face" I would very quickly tell her that that is not a nice thing to say.

Seems that others would not sagely and think, well that's a nice compiment, no need to do anything...

This thread is weird.

larry

no, what I did was ask whether, because english wasn't her first language, there had potentially been a misunderstanding, as often happens between people who have different mother tongues. It was a question directly related to what on earth could possibly have caused such an odd situation to arise.

you, however, think chocolate face is complimentary BECAUSE CHOCOLATE IS NICE

How many times have you gone about offerning that compliment to black people?

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Hully
Yes, but if the child rarely sees anyone of racial minorities, then it may not have come up before - except the aforementioned Tiger Woods incident.

And for those accusing the OP of not looking shocked enough - have you ever experienced that moment of utter horror when your child does or says something inappropriate and you don't know how to react? Sometimes you even do a nervous laugh, even though it is obviously not funny.

No one here saw how the OP reacted, and can say if she was too slow in showing her shock.

SQ - the offended woman WAS totally out of order - 2 points:

-"nice to see" - sarky and nasty

"training her to be racist" - ludicrous - even if you think the OP had a chance to say something to her DD, the most she could be accused of was not correcting her daughter - rather than actively encouraging as implied by the word "training".

" My dad was absolutely mortified"

Hence no-one minded, as a child will say things like that.

Nowhere in the OP does it mention that she was mortified/embarrassed/surprised...

sardine and hully I entirely agree with both of you, and share your frustrations here.

"CHOCOLATE FACE IS OFFENSIVE

If it isn't, why aren't we all saying it everyday?"

erm because most adults dont spend the day describing other people's faces.

Then why don't we use if as a descriptor, pavlov?

Why don't we say, Oh you know who I mean, the guy with the chocolate face?

Hully 'Chocolate face' would be offensive if it were used by an adult or by a child with the intention to offend.

"Look mummy, that lady has a chocolate face" (because i feel we should keep this in context)

Is quite different imo as it was a 3yr old's description... and the black woman was very ignorant to assume the OP had taught her child to be racist imo.

I think it's all about common sense and this lady was clearly lacking in it.

She was PISSED OFF whoopeecushion. And judging by this thread, and the number of people who would meet an occasion where their child said "chocolate face" with an indulgent smile, I can see why.

mme - I find that extremely unlikely. My dc grew up in a largely white area but books, tv, dvds etc do contain the odd non-white person. It is disingenuous to offer the whiteness of an area as an excuse.

worra you are quite right and I should have qualified that in terms of where I live, which is predominately white and Scotland, and indeed I see a lot of racism directed towards the English so I should have worded that more carefully. Apologies.

What I mean is that I am unlikely to encounter racism in my daily life and so I don't feel it's for me to tell other people if they are being over sensitive, which the OP did clearly state. In the same way as I wouldn't allow a man to tell me I was being oversensitive to sexism - how could he know?

And sorry to hear about your boy.

So if I call a black person "chocolate face" without the intention to offend, then that is fine?

x 10

Hully the dd did not call the woman chocolate face, but asked innocently to her mum why the lady has a chocolate face. Which is the sort of comment you would expect from a very young child. Next time she says it, correct her. Your dd obviously needs the talk again about individual difference. When she starts school she will be around kids of different races.

I have noticed that when I go to the west country on holiday that there are a lot of openly racist people around.

Just saying, like.

As to "slitty eyes" - I have caught my DC doing the slitty eyed, "I am Chinaman" and told them not to do so and why it is wrong.

Slightly tricky here, as they have quite astonishingly un-PC text books in school with Chinese people as terrible caricatures.

but, worra. we have all grown up and know now not to use it in the manner Hully outlines. How does that happen - because people tell us not to when we're children. Why do they tell us that - because it's NOT ON TO CALL BLACK PEOPLE CHOCOLATE FACE, OR TO SAY THEY HAVE A CHOCOLATE FACE OR TO SAY YUM YUM CHOCOLATE MAN or any other 'cutesy' little things like that.

Left me shaken and actally quite cross. I really think the lady was being oversensitive.

Hardly indicative of remorse or embarrassment

No problem Wilson I think it's easy for us all to forget we live in vastly different areas because we're all 'together' when we're on MN

I have to remember you don't all live inside my computer

"the number of people who would meet an occasion where their child said "chocolate face" with an indulgent smile, I can see why."

again with making stuff up sardine. OP didn't smile and no-one here has said they would.

agree SQ