to be more than irritated when people say 'I'm lucky enough not to have to work' or even worse, 'my wife is lucky enough not to have to work'

[Furminator]

Someone at work said it to me this morning. I always feel like saying 'I am lucky enough to enjoy work and be good at it AND have a job - WHO'S LUCKY NOW' but I don't, obvs.

Mind you, I am now a SAHM and I love my now very relaxed life. Lots of time for shopping too.

I have a career and I if we manage to have a baby I will have to return to work as quickly as possible. It is not something I am chuffed about or proud of.

Just as well we are all different.

nah harryhill, some people with a choice are still unhappy, its lucky to be happy with your lot, choice or not!

yab E u

YANBU I think I am lucky enough to work in job I love (when I go back!).

I think you are lucky if you are doing what you want, whether that is to work or SAH. I am a SAHM and love it but get abit fed up when people say I am lucky to have that choice when sometimes (depending who I am talking to) it is more a choice for me to live more frugally rather than simple luck. A family member used to go on and on how much she wanted to SAH and how lucky I was yet she COULD have afforded to SAH if she cut back her lifestyle. I know not everyone can or wants to.

I've been trying to put my finger on why this irritates me (and the OP!) so much. I think it's very much down to the age of the children of the person making the statement. Because I don't have pre-schoolers any more (and I don't mix in circles with the independently wealthy!), I'm most likely to hear this phrase from SAHMs of school age children, whose DH is working.

I'm generally tempted to reply "really, you know he could run off with his secretary tomorrow don't you, and leave you with no money and no career prospects?" Being kept by a man when I am perfectly capable of working is not a situation I'd personally describe as "lucky". Fair enough to say "we've weighed up the options and this is the best for now so I can provide X and Y for the kids", but it's a risky situation, and not one I'd be happy to put myself in.

I'm generally tempted to reply "really, you know he could run off with his secretary tomorrow don't you, and leave you with no money and no career prospects?" Being kept by a man when I am perfectly capable of working is not a situation I'd personally describe as "lucky". Fair enough to say "we've weighed up the options and this is the best for now so I can provide X and Y for the kids", but it's a risky situation, and not one I'd be happy to put myself in.

Oh gawd, not this old chestnut again!

Working when you neither want nor need to in fear of your hubby running off doesn't sound like luck or freedom to me. It sounds like the miserable hell of an untrusting marriage.

Anyone who doesn't live like that is lucky.

Do you think you'd be so enthusiastic about work if you were gutting fish/ wiping shiity arses etc for a living?

Most women are stuck withe crappy low paid jobs in our economy.

Brilliantly said abbey.
For most women, work is neither a choice or a joy. It is a hard slog to put food on the table.

What HarryHill said. Being married to someone who could run off with their secretary tomorrow is unlucky indeed .

Personally I consider myself extremely lucky to have had a CHOICE in what I wanted to do. Far too many people either have to work or have to be SAHMs because they can't afford child care.

Ignoring the debate upstream - this drives me insane too.

I love my children dearly but what I always wanted was a career. I work in a field where I will never earn megabucks but I do earn enought to have a comfortable life and more importantly I feel completely fulfilled.

I also study and do volunteer work in my spare time. If I wasnt able to get paid employment, I would do that full time. Why on EARTH would anyone think I was unlucky because I can do what I love, develop myself as a person, and learn about the world in the process?

Noone should be stressed out trying to work. Noone should be forced to stay at home because they cant afford childcare. But everyone should have an interest out of the house and family, and if you can afford not to do paid work, you should be doing some volunteering (unless your children are really tiny). Its good for you. Im quite adamant about this so flame away.

Should have said, really tiny or SN, sorry. Even then, in an ideal world, SN parents would get childcare to let them go do things outwith the house. In fact, other people could volunteer in order to let them have a few hours doing something.

You are lucky if you can afford to have the choice, personally I would wither and die if at home all day but some people would love to be home and can't. I think that's really sad, to feel that your kids childhoods are slipping away and you are stuck in a job just to make ends meet.

I'd wither and die at home all day too, Bianca.

Good job that as a SAHM with kids all in school I'm not at home all day, isn't it?

"But everyone should have an interest out of the house and family, and if you can afford not to do paid work, you should be doing some volunteering (unless your children are really tiny). Its good for you."

I would not be so arrogant if I were you rhonda you have absolutely no basis to be.

I believe that my education achievements to date and my earnings over my career to date qualify me to speak about what is good for me and what is not. Currently it is to stay and do what want to do at home.

And what is "an interest out of the house and family" anyway and how it is "superior" to an interest in the house and family? Bizarre.

I volunteer but it's because I want to. see, that's what volunteer means.
Once you start insisting on people doing it you'll need to find a new word for it.

It is the wrong statement. They are lucky to be able to choose whether to work or not.

YANBU.

For many people it's not that they can "afford not to work", it's that going to work would bring them little or no financial reward due to childcare costs (or they'd actually be worse off) so it's not worth it financially.

I have notices a huge difference in people's atttitudes to my working depensiung on what work I've been doing.

Job A elicits sniffy looks of poor you for having to work, job B elicits squeals of 'Oh I'd lurve to do that,' from the most dedicated of SAHM.

The reality was I chose to do them both. So strange.

'Being kept by a man when I am perfectly capable of working is not a situation I'd personally describe as "lucky". '

It's not being 'kept by' if the SAHM is doing the childcare and enabling the partner to work. the children may be at school but it must be less stressful being able to collect the child if ill, not worry about strikes etc.